Re: Condoms (poletarding!!)
Below please find the instructions for using and disposing of condoms.
Before sex:
1. Open wrapper, but do NOT tear the foil into two pieces. Leave 1/8th or so of the side still attached.
2. Lubricate both sides of the tip of the condom and your penis.
3. Apply condom properly -- start to unroll it onto your finger if you can't instinctively figure out the proper side. If you have to touch both sides of the condom to your penis to apply it, discard it and start over. This is why condoms are sold in 3-packs.
After sex:
1. Slide off condom so that your ejaculate stays in the bag, not on your skin/hands/bedsheets.
2. Rinse ejaculate down the drain, if you're that paranoid. Otherwise, collapse the condom such that no air is inside, and tie a knot into the end.
3. Insert the used condom into the wrapper. If you failed step 1 of the pre-sex briefing, stick the little strip of foil in there too.
4. Obtain a long strip of toilet paper (at least two feet -- a kleenex is fine also) and wrap the condom up, forming a long, thin cylinder, like a used tampon.
5. Throw it in a trashcan.
6. Wash your hands. Repeat, if desired.
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