[leehrat]

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He says it in his post:

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We had the typical marriage....basically on autopilot and taking each other for granted. Not many fights just raising the kids and no romance.

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While he may think this the "typical" marriage, it's certainly not a healthy one. OP has yet to explain why this is all her fault (which it might be if she's a yambag like my wife).

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Yes we had a typical marriage which is pretty crappy. In other words, we worked, raised the kids and didn't spend a lot of alone time together. The things we did always included the kids and/or other members of the extended family. We always looked at all the other couples we knew and compared ourselves to them and always thought we had a better marriage than all of them bc we hardly fought and had no money problems. However, I can say we didn't appreciate each other. Sad to say, that to me is a typical marriage at least from what I saw of others we knew. After the honeymoon period is over, it is easy to slip into the autopilot mode.

As for me as a husband, I can say that although I am nowhere near perfect, I am FAR from being a bad husband. I did all of the "manly" house stuff (cutting grass,fixing things etc) as well as many of the "wifely" stuff.....changed diapers, cooked,groceries ,vacuum etc. I have never even come close to physically abusing my wife, don't smoke, drink or ever even tried drugs.


As far as this affair being my fault, there is no way I am taking any blame for this. BEFORE I found out about her affair, I talked to my wife on 4 occasions about how we needed to change our relationship for the better, I bought and read a book about relationships which I also asked her to read (she read 1 chapter and stopped), and I wrote her a letter in which I took responsibility for pain that I had caused her in the past. So although I agree that the root cause of the affair stems from a less than satisfying marriage, that in no way justifies an affair. Everything I have read on affairs says to never blame myself just like an abuse victim should not blame themselves ( but they tend to).

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hot, freaky, kinky sex. romance. this isn't [censored] you can read in a book and "apply" to "fix" a relationship. i know from my own experience that relationships can get boring-it's up to you to fix it up. alright i'll read the rest now...