[slim]

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Slim,

First things first. I think you're a genuinely good guy and your heart is in the right place, however I'm not about to coddle you.

Why do you continue to make allowances for your wife? Dude, she has been banging another man for two damn years! What else does this selfish harlot need to do to prove to you that she doesn't love you? It's over. Stop justifying her betrayal and MAN UP. Why are you excusing the fact she is an adulterous two-timer? Where is your dignity and self-worth? And why are you waiting around for her to *hopefully* come back to you? Dude, you should be leaving her!

I get the impression you are an acquiescent person. And for what it's worth, a large majority of women detest passivity in men – it's the antithesis of being a man. Were you ever a challenge in your marriage? Challenge is the most important reason why a woman is attracted to and chooses to stay in a relationship with one man over another. This is probably why she is leaving you. Your accommodating behavior is precisely what is turning her off! Show this woman that you will not tolerate such a lack of respect - not just of you, but of your marriage vows before God. Forgive her, but let her go!

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Why is everyone saying that I am excusing her behaviour??? Because I am saying it is an addiction? I don't think any of you actually went through all the sources that I referenced. You guys just see me say it's an addiciton and automatically think "he's delusional bc I have never heard of this before". Read my sources and prove to me that these professionals are wrong.Tell me what aspect of affair relationships do not correlate to other forms of addiction.

As for your second paragraph, I have read all about that before, how women want a challenge etc etc. My wife is the most complacent person in the world......she says so herself. She is queen of "sweeping things under the rug" and that is one big reason our marriage failed. She didn't come to me to tell me what was naking her unhappy. She took the easy way out in letting someone else into her life. The funny thing is, she told me her boss is even more complacent than her. She cites that as a big reason why she has a better relationship with him than me. So in my case, a challenge is the last thing my wife was looking for. But you are right about me being a pleaser....I did whatever I thought would make her happy.

And I am not "waiting for her to come back". Just because I am sure that her realtionship will die does not mean that I am hoping it will die. I listed my reasons for believing so in a previous post. When it dies, she will either stay single, find someone else or try to come back. If she chooses the latter, then I will have to decide then whether I believe she understands what she did and whether she is truly remorseful. If she is, I may have to reconcile for the sake of the kids AND for for a potentially stronger relationship than we ever had. I got sources to show that that is defineitly possible as well. But I am sure no one will trust the professionals who have witnessed thousands of reconciled post affair marriages either.