[mattak]

Two years ago I was doing some pre-marriage councilling and my (soon to be) wife went down the list of things that piss her off about me. The councilor then asked me what I felt my biggest problems were. He recommended a book for me (Driven to Distraction) without really making any judgments or diagnosis. The book basically changed my life. It is amazing to me to look back on my life and see how many problems and relationships have been colored by ADD. Things like getting in trouble in grade school, or making the women in my life feel ignored and alienated. I have since been "officially" diagnosed and have begun to try to come up with effective strategies to deal with ADD.

Here are some point form (for my ADD brethren) thoughts and experiences



-lack of social grace
i have always had problems in group situations because i quickly become distracted with the conversation and start reading, watching tv or doing anything other than paying attention to the person who is talking to me. i will also try to cut short conversations or "get to the point" with people that i find long winded. this has made some people feel like i think that they are boring or uninteresting. i have acknowledged that my behavior is socially unacceptable and have begun to "fake it". i make a game out of acting like i am interested. i literally have a dialog in my head during a conversation that goes on about pretending to be normal and that i am fooling everyone. kinda weird but it has worked for me so far. the biggest thing though was recognizing that i am (was) the common denominator in my awkward social interactions and that i had to take steps to correct it

-addiction problems
i have always been consumed by some passion at one time or another. i have become focused on to the point of obsession (among other things) chess, football, video games, guitar, d&d, poker, history, theology, martial arts, etc. i also have always had a predisposition to binge drinking (i was never a have a beer at home guy, i was a drink 14 tequila shots at the bar and pass out by 11pm guy), taking recreational drugs (the first time i tried cocaine was like peanut butter and chocolate coming together). binge drinking got old for me (or i got old for it) and i have somehow avoided more serious problems with narcotics but i still get consumed by hobbies and pass times. strangely enough, pets (2 cats and a dog) have been my saving grace here by breaking up my time and giving me some responsibilities that i just cannot put off (or they will crap on the floor).

-procrastination/inability to prioritize tasks
i have very little initiative and when i am working on something i can be distracted easily by my surroundings. so far the best thing i have come up with is routine. i find it so very hard to impose this on myself, so i ask for help from my wife. i often have large amounts of paperwork to do in my job. if i find myself in a place where i am unable to focus, i will often do something else for a while instead of forcing it. i understand that medication (adderall/ ritalin) are supposed to be very good for helping with this. i have yet to explore that route. still a daily struggle with me

-inability to keep living space clean
keikiwai made some good points earlier on this. so far, best thing for me has been to make lists and try to establish a routine. i am very lucky that i have an understanding wife who takes the lead in this area or i would still be living in squalor. we have established a routine where she will give me a task and i can complete it. she wishes i were more proactive in this area but i try very hard to make up for it in other areas (i do all the cooking and landscaping)


I feel that at least now I can put a label on the problem's I have and try to find strategies to cope. Before I always just felt lazy, forgetful or mean. I am kind of an old school guy and I hate it when people blame their problems on something and don't accept responsibility for their actions. I didn't want a crutch or anything, so accepting this "condition" was tough for me.