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Finally, what exact role did the Deathly Hallows actually play? Besides the elder wand backfiring and owning Vold the other two didn't do anything. Was it just to teach Harry not to fear death?

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I think the whole story parallels the tale of the three brothers. Voldemort is the brother who took the wand. Dumbledore is the brother who took the stone. And Harry is the brother who took the cloak. Just as in the story, Voldemort and Dumbledore failed to conquer death but Harry kind of succeeded.

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But Harry didn't really choose the cloak, did he? He wanted the stone when they discussed the tale at Lovegood's house. And Dumbledore took the wand first, right?

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He did choose the cloak as the only Hallow he would keep in the end. And I didn't really mean it literally anyways. More that I thought the themes and symbolism of the book seems to fit well with the tale of the three brothers. IMO anyways. Like Voldemort's greedily going after the invincible wand, or Dumbledore feeling grief over his sister and wanting to bring her back with the stone.

Dumbledore took the wand first, but he admits that it was the only hallow he was fit to wield. He didn't use the wand for it's power. Once he got hold of the stone, it brought about his downfall. It doesn't fit perfectly but I don't think it's a coincidence that these parallels can be made.