[DMC0627]

I got so many helpful and hilarious suggestions, thanks all. I was thinking of combining them. Maybe make something up like this. I also realize, as I write this, I have at least semi lost my mind.

I call neighbor A, and ask her to come over to settle the matter. She will be over before the phone is hung up. I then proceed to tell her why I "overreacted" and was so "rude".

You see, neighbor A, I have a high powered government job. This is a well paying job, of course, but I couldn't answer your questions about how I could afford to live here because I am not able to disclose this info to anyone. Due to the delicate nature of what I am working on, I have to be very, very elusive and private, but trust me its for the good of all mankind.

When you knocked on the door, a "situation" was going down (I could insert scary stuff here) like, had just gone CODE RED (no idea if that means anything but it would sound good). So this situation had gone CODE RED, and I had my videocam on the door with its laser beam set on high.

I was afraid, at that point for your safety, and wanted you out of the laser point of the system, so I just yelled so you would leave quickly. I did this solely to save you, I apologize. You must, absolutely must, not tell anyone about this, you understand? She will, of course, swear to it, then prod me for more details since we are now friends.

I can go on, we are investigating murderous cults in the area, and I am trying to infiltrate one at this time. I was on the phone trying to purchase some props when you got here. The thing is, I think they are onto me, so I can't go out and buy them now, I would have to order them and have them delivered. Unless..... someone would pick them up for me if I gave her money to. It would be a help to our govt. too and expedite the process.

I can see the excitement build, and she offers to help. I give her the list of items I need, along with cash, and send her shopping. I explain this cult has weird sexual habits too, but its expected with a cult, right? So I send her to the pagan store to pick up a huge pentagram, a black hooded cape, a chalice with snakes on it and various herbs and spices. When she is checking out, I ask her to request one more herb that isn't on the shelf, its a secretive little dandy called "cannabis".

I tell her not to worry if she can't get it, but everything else is imperative. Then, I give her a list of things to take to the porn shop. A nine inch dildo, multicolored. Nipple clamps. One ball gag. Spreader bars. Various sized butt plugs. I tell her when she is at the counter reading the list, to recite it loudly because some of the guys in the store are feds, and they will look out for her. I also tell her that if the first store didn't carry the cannabis to loudly request it again.

She brings me over these items like an excited kid. I tell her my neighbors next door got back together. They broke up because he was caught working as a male stripper, but she forgave him. I roll video cam of her unpacking the goodies, and youtube it up for the world to see. Suggestions? I think it may be time to resume meds. Oh, well, at least I can dream, I can't act on this stuff, but I can dream.