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The next day set a bunch of
Claymore mines around your yard to see who wasn't paying attention.
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"The Claymore fires shrapnel, in the form of steel balls, out to about 100 meters across a 60° arc in front of the device. It is used primarily in ambushes and as an anti-infiltration device against enemy infantry. It is also of some use against soft-skinned vehicles."
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oh, good point.
OP, rent a woodchipper. Taylor Rental on the Post Road (Rt 1) has decent prices for a 12" model. Make sure you rinse it off when you're done, they're sticklers on their cleaning fee...