[shaniac]

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I hate taking cabs, and I hate tiping cabbies. I remember one time many years ago I took a cab from the Bellagio to the Rio. The far was $5.10. I handed the cabbie six bucks.
He looked at me and said, "I never get this tip so small before. Nobody every tip me this small."

I looked at him and said, "I just did."

Another time the [censored] cabbie took me the long way around from the airport to the Gold Coast. I wasn't paying attention until I realized where I was. I was steamed. When we got there I refused to pay. All hell broke loose. I knew where this was going to end up, but I wanted to have my fun.

"You cheated me, you cheated me!" I was screaming. He screamed back. I said call your supervisor, call the police. I was really enjoying myself. Finally he said, just pay me fare, no tip. TIP! I yelled, TIP! I'll pay the fare minus what you cheated me! The cops came. I explained. I ended up paying the fare. But I got my moneys worth.

And finally, way back when, Ali was in town for a fight with I can't remember whom. Me and two other guys decided to go out to the Hilton to see him train. I was excited about it. We get in a cab. The cabbie starts going on about this and that and finally he said what do you want to go see that [censored] [censored] for?

One of my buddies said, yea screw it let's go gamble, the other buddy said, OK, and we eneded up not going.

I always regretted that.

Nowadays when I get in a cab, I say "Take me to the so and so and don't talk!"

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and i thought i was a douchebag.

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I was looking for a succinct way to say something similar.