[luckyjimm]

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Never steal anything small. You are risking your career for chump change. Beg on the street until you get enough money for a [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]egenerate: tattoo. Then buy a copy of George Orwell's Down and Out in Paris and London. Then Doschevsky's the Gambler.

Some people are not cut out for poker and you are one of them. You are a great poster and you can still post.

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Thanks - I can see I come across as a natural born loser when it comes to gambling in a classic Freudian sense, with losing fulfilling some kind of subconscious urge I have to hurt and cause trouble for myself, to feel humiliated and brought low. It really feels as if I try to make myself like a tramp, a bum. Yes, I've read both of those books, but I ought to read them again!

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Im in awe at you trying to romanticize yourself, when you are so pathetic.

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Yes, I did the same three, four years ago when I had a raging alcohol problem. I would read great novels about desperate alcoholics and imagine I shared in their dirty, desolate glamour (which insofar as it existed was there only as characters in a work of art).