[wadea]

Of the offered choices, coffee filters is best in this situation.

If there were more females in the apartment, such that you basically had a finish everything without leaving the bathroom, I'd recommend wiping with your underwear. If necessary, use your socks also. Then get it all out of the apartment as discretely as possible.

Also, to the poster who recommends showering: you're almost right. Dry paper wiping doesn't get it all. Kleenex Flushable Fresh Wipes FTW. They're just like wet wipes for baby butts, but for big boy butts. Just keep some by the toilet. Your butt has never felt so clean and they can back up the regular TP in a situation like the OP's.