[oddjob]

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i just realized recently that as i get older, my social anxiety is getting worse and worse. i've always had it, but have been able to deawl with it well in the past, and be as normal as possible, but as i get older, i want to go out less and less.

this includes, and strangely enough, is sometimes worse with friends. like i'll have no problem being alone and out and about, or going to a bar, but meeting a group of friends is less and less appealling to me.

does anyone else have this kind of experience? anyone else dealign with this?

how screwed am i?

p.s. i'm poor and therapy is probably not an option.

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yeah... big time. i just want to be alone a lot. i go through mood swings, sickkkk mood swings. i'm pretty sure something is wrong with me big time. sometimes i'm absolutely on top of the world for a few days and then it goes the exact opposite for a few.

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i don't go through highs. in fact i can't remember the last time i was really happy. there are days, where i don't feel depressed, but i'm not exactly happy. i've learned how to fake it after years and years. one thing i've discovered, even your closest friends don't want to deal with a miserable bastard all the time.