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Old 05-01-2007, 10:02 PM
SoloAJ SoloAJ is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Illinois State
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Default Re: Please respond: a short fiction piece

He rolled his eyes and smirked to himself. As he did this, Emily suddenly garbled out “dada” loud enough for the entire room to hear.

Jackson, still smirking, looked up and saw that his wife was excited. Why? Confused, his smirk dropped, eyebrows lowered, and his head tilted to the right. His wife quickly signed fluently to him “She just said her first word! Dada!”

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The first might be a reach. But it's the best I have so far.
The second is a bit awkward because of the adverb barrage, but the idea is that it draws attention to "signed." The adverb barrage, in fact, draws attention to it. I don't think people will read it so quickly as 'signaled' with that....

Thoughts on the two ideas?
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