Pickles on hamburgers. A total conspiracy.
First there was steak, and it was good.
But, there had to be more to a cow than steak! There's meat all over that joint! Let's take the parts that are not steak and make delicious beef out of them!
Many centuries later, some brilliant person created sliced bread, the greatest invention since... well.. ever. So man, said 'sandwiches! and beef! Brilliant!'
And thus were hamburgers born! And it was good.
But then the women got in on the deal.
"You can't just eat meat and bread! It's not healthy! You need some greenery and dairy and such! Like, look at this sexy salad I'm eating!"
And man grimaced, but man wanted woman. But eating a salad. A salad?! This was too much! Maybe if he took the salad and put it on his meat sandwich..... Maybe that would appease the woman.
We can put some lettuce, some onions, some tomatoes. Some chicks like cheese on their salads, and she mentioned something about dairy, so fine, let's slab some REAL effing cheese on this thing.
There we go! Much better, and the woman is happy now, too. And hey, to be honest, this stuff tastes pretty good on our meat sandwich!
And thus was created the modern hamburger.
NOTE THAT THERE WAS NO [censored] PICKLES IN THIS THOUGHT PROCESS!
What the [censored] did man need pickles on his burger for? He already had his greenery. He had his meat, He had his dairy. He had his bread. The burger was the most complete meal man was likely to ever come up with across all of the ages.
But no, the [censored] pickle growers of the world went to the big burger franchises and said "look, no one buys our crappy pickles except pregnant women, and even they don't buy many! You gotta help us out! Let us put just a couple slices of pickle on each burger. Nobody will notice, and we will make billions and be able to keep our children in school, and little Susie will be able to buy her new dolly. You want Susie to have her new dolly don't you?"
And that's why you can't order a burger in any fast food place without some crappy, half spoiled tart tasting piece of [censored] pickles on it. And even if you say no pickles, half the time they just take them off afterwards, so you're still stuck with that crappy pickle juice sour tart taste.
[censored] pickle growers. Ruining the perfect food that is the burger. Die in a grease fire.
Ray