[tom10167]

If the Ace of diamonds comes on the flop, and then 40 hands later it flops again, someone will say "You shuffle that deck dealer?!"

I have one that I use myself, I think it kind of loosens the game up. If anyone steals this without giving credit I will bad beat your soul.
Someoneone will say "You always give me half a hand" or "I always get one card from you." I just say "Look at the same card twice and play accordingly!" Usually gets a laugh from the table.

The sexual innuendos are just retarded, especially since old men never get any.

"She had a BIG pair" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU ARE [censored] FUNNY. All in, she made me raise, blah blah blah STFU

Anyone that uses a Rounders reference(except me because then it's just so surprising it's almost funny) at any time in any circumstance ever.

There are so many more.

EDIT: Folding, laundry. You aren't funny, and women do the laundry, what are you a girl?

When a rock wins two pots in a row and then folds T3o for a raise and says "I'll LET you have this one!" OMG HILARIOUS LOLOLOL
For the last week I've been replacing every verb relating to pressure or aggression with "Chuck Norris."
"You just got Chuck Norrised sir, you can either call or fold."
It's so much better than half the crap I hear so I figure I'll go with it for a while.