[thehotspur]

Interesting or not this thread should be locked. Whatever the truth of the matter this girl is obviously in bad shape psychologically and emotionally. Emotional threads about distress including talk of suicidal ideation and attempts are totally inappropriate and not at all helpful to the OP.

Brandi, as a psychologist I recommend you seek help. You sound very unhappy and self-destructive. Getting $12k in the post tomorrow will not help, nor will winning the next 5 WPT's and the WSOP next year, nor will getting the admiration and respect of the whole poker world.

I'd advise disabusing yourself of the notion that poker is an answer to anything that you need right now. If you were my friend I'd say to leave Vegas, quit poker for a long time, get a random job to pay the bills short term, and make getting your head straight with therapy or counselling a priority. Poker always exacerbates even the smallest of emotional difficulties,it is never a panacea, and the quick fix money in the world of gambling is no fix at all to problems.

I wish you well Brandi, I hope you feel and live better soon.