[neuroman]

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me and my girlfriend were enjoying dinner. our waitress checks me out when she takes our order.. my girlfriend sing songs 'someone thinks you're cute' good naturedly. i say, 'everyone thinks i'm cute'. my girlfriend gives me an exagerated eye roll. we make small talk. the waitress comes back with our food. i smile at her. twenty minutes later, after an argument featuring clenched teeth and angry gesturing with a knife, my girlfriend tells me i'm the most conceited piece of [censored] on the planet and disappears into the night.

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this one is my favorite so far for being succinct, bizarro, and funny. I wish I had a story of hilarious verbal abuse to share.