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Old 10-06-2006, 11:38 PM
Nicole Richie Nicole Richie is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 23
Default Re: I look forward to being a part of this community

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I look forward to this thread becoming the Superbowl of unbearable gimmick accounts.

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And it had so much potential too. That's the problem with the gimmicks, if somebody [censored] it up a first time it's difficult for a second to come in and salvage. Note Raptor Christ. Even though I [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] RC and want to have his babies, I think people were turned off by the first coming. Meh.

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Us neo-conservatives only believe in the lawd Jesus Christ. We do not believe in this reptilian savior. Since reptiles were created by the devil and tempted Eve to betray God's trust, they will not have a place in heaven.

Actually, since Satan appeared to Eve in the form of a snake, I can only conclude that this "raptor Christ" you speak of is in fact the devil. Once I am president, he will be destroyed and the streets will run red with the blood of the non-believers.

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See, it's a matter of tone. Tone in writing must be consistent, unless it shifts with a clear purpose and direction. The first paragraph has a degree of assuredness and authority, but is lost in the second. Beginning with, 'Actually, since' loses the momentum, as a speaker with such conviction wouldn't flounder or express anything as an afterthought. Words like 'furthermore' can easily maintain the fluidity. The assuredness returns in the end of the second paragraph but the break in tone caused too much damage for it to be redeemed.

Improving your gimmicks,
CC

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Thats hot.

My best friend, Paris Hilton, agrees also.
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