[Aloysius]

I've seen, time and time again, people bringing potentially incriminating stuff up (like these e-mails to this other guy) out of guilt. The normal response to that is "why would she bring it up if she's guilty and doesn't want to get caught" and my answer is "people are irrational and do stupid stuff like that when they feel really guilty".

Since she feels guilty (ie knows what she's doing is wrong) that's enough for me to say - it is a reasonable demand, in a marriage, to ask her to stop e-mailing this dude.

I've noticed throughout this thread you've used terms like "dumping her" and referring to the fact that you're not "good with chicks".

Dude - she's not a "chick", she's your "wife", and you guys wouldn't be "breaking up", you'd be gettign a "divorce". To me, it seems reasonable for spouses to make demands of one another for the greater good of the marriage.

Sorry - this sounds like a tough spot - but I hope you can have the courage to confront her about her weasely behavior, and ask her to think of the health of your marriage long-term (cause hopefully, you know, you've got another 40 years together) and do the right thing and end the thing with this other dude.

It is then you guys can work together on any real problems you might have in your marriage.