[Low Limit Loser]

1 have 2.

I was a groomsman at a friend wedding. This was his second marriage. I am at the main table and the speeches start. The bestman makes his speech, the maid of honor has a few words, the brides father says something and then the rest of the table asks me to say a few words. I have nothing prepared so i stand up and say something generic about wishing them love, long life and many children. I had forgot that he had a vasectemy during his first marriage. You could tell immediately who knew in the audience.


number 2

I was in first grade and sitting at a table with 3 other kids.

Kid one - girl I had a fierce crush on
Kid two - girlfriend of kid one
Kid three - Freddy A. GOD, I hated this kid. He was vile from an early age. My mother would chaperone on field trips and would get assigned just one kid - Freddy A. - He would say stuff about her that ..... well, I got in fights with him infront of my mother.

anyway, he was reaching across the desk trying to touch girl two's chest (yes, this is 1st grade). Girl one is getting upset. Being a decent gentleman, I told him to stop. He didn't. I took my fat pencil and the next time he reached across the table, i tried to stick his hand to the desk. It went through the fleshy part between his thumb and pointer finger. The tip (of fatty pencil) broke off on the desk. He is jumping around screaming like a Howler Monkey. My teacher freaks out and screams (in front of Freddy A.). "If he dies of lead poisoning, you're going to jail!" Freddy A. now goes ballistic. "I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die!". Good times.

LLL