[poincaraux]

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She called back very upset. We talked about it and of course I withdrew my demand to see the email.

A quote: I don't want to be in the kind of relationship where my husband demands to read my email!

Ugh. Well, we worked out a sort of comprimise. She told me in detail the kinds of things that they talk about and aknowledged that I have a right to feel uncomfortable. In the end, if I can't trust her, I might as well dump her because I can't follow her around or install spyware to keep tabs on her. If she wants to cyber with fat guys in Sweden, so be it. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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You have a lot of talking to do, but this is a good place to start. You should probably say something almost exactly like that to her (the phrase "I might as well dump you" is no good, though). That kind of trust is the foundation of a relationship.

She may not think this particular act is such a big deal, but she should certainly 1) be willing to cut it out because it's so important to you 2) want to spend a lot of time talking to you to work on the deeper problems.

Her saying "this isn't a big deal; get over it" is no good. The fact that you think it is a big deal means that it *is* a big deal. She should rather say "I didn't think this was a big deal, but obviously you're way more important to me than Joe Internet. I'll tell him to piss off. After that, let's have a nice dinner together and focus on the good, happy things in our relationship. After *that*, let's work on the deeper problems."