[Pyromaniac]

well, this is a thread already chock full of big advice, so all I can add is little advice.

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While writing this post she called and I told her that I wanted to see the email he's been writing her. She got really bummed and said really? I said I knew I was being unreasonable and she said yeah you are. Damn!

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It would probably be helpful if you didn't undercut yourself like this. How are you going to communicate with her and express *your* feelings if you anticipate and agree with *her* view on things?

Try asking questions rather than making statements. If she's showing reluctance to show you the emails, ask, "does that bother you that I want to see them?" then ask, "why?"

then ask, "how do you think all this makes *me* feel?"

Pyro

edit: p.s. I empathize/sympathize with your situation. good luck. no idea how it will turn out because I don't think you've got all the pieces of the puzzle yet.