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Old 09-03-2006, 02:02 AM
BOTW BOTW is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 320
Default Re: who wins in a fight - dikshit or lee jones?

I found this excerpt on Amazon, doesn't look like it is worth the FPPs:

The Story of Dikshit Chapter 3

But one fall day, looking out his window at the leaves starting to turn, Dikshit realized that he too must make a change. He sauntered down to his basement, where his wife, Paazaaana, watches over the Party servers and answers the email.





"A daunting task," thought Dikshit, "good thing we have our two children to help her". The kids, aged six and eight, sat strapped in their chairs, pounding on keyboards. "Good job, kids," Dikslit laughed. Panzanaa looked at him and saw the same concern in his eyes as when the software buttons started disappearing.

"What irrelevant mission do you have now?" Paaazaana, queried.

"Irrelevant the Monster may be, but it pays for your Netflix four at a time membership," responded Dikshit. "This mission is relevant, so I need the Gimp."

"No! Not the Gimp!" shrieked Paazana.

"Get the gimp out, woman!" ordered Dickshit.

Pazaaana opened the cellar. She struggled as she pulled out the trunk. She blew the dust off the keyhole and opened the lid. Slowly, the Gimp rose from the coffinous trunk.





The light seemed to blind the Gimp as he staggered over to where Dikshit was standing. "Are you finally gonna listen to me, Dikshit?" asked the Gimp.

After a long pause, Dikshet finally replied, "Yes, I will listen...I want to know...I want to know about customer service."

"Well," replied the Gimp, aka Mike O'Malley, "there is only one man who knows about these things. The journey from here to him will be long and arduous task. You must travel to a place that many thought disappeared. A place lost in time. A place of history and magic. You must find the only live $0.25/$0.50 game left. There, you will find The Folding Man. TFM holds the keys to your quest. "

So Dikshit booked a flight to Vegas and a room at the Luxor. For countless days Dikshit wandered and pursued and searched for a way out of the Luxor. When he finally reached the casinos of Vegas, he knew TFM was near but no one had heard of a limit game that low. Some laughed at Dicshit, but some felt sorry for him when he would break down crying. One dealer finally explained to Dekshit that Vegas couldn't run a game like that because the rake would be too high.

Slowly, Dikshit stopped sobbing. "Rake too high?" This just didn't make sense to Dikshitt. "Rake too high?!?" Dikshit angry. You don't like Diikshit when he's angry! "AAArrgh!" scream Dikshit. And Dikshit ran and ran and ran.




When he finally stopped running, Diksiht wandered into a dark, dirty alley where he saw a poker game. It looked like something out of an MSpainting. "Join us?" asked a player in a mask.

"It's dealer's choice, quarter-fitty," said a guy who had five twins playing.

"God Bless America, HYCHTHYCTHH!!" screamed another.

"I will help get you your chips, my friend. Please let me see your credit card," said another.

"No one can own their chips," said the Kangaroo.




Dikshit didn't want to play, but he knew he had stumbled upon the game the Gimp spoke of. "Ok." Dikshit sheepishly accepted. They played Pineapple and 2-7 and Razz and all sorts of crazy games. After about three orbits, Dikshit noticed two things. First, he recognized TFM, since he was the only one who never saw fourth street. Second, the guy in the Karate uniform was beating everyone, even though he hardly spoke. Dixit overheard other's talking about how this man had killed Chuck Norris.

Diksit finally got the nerve to speak, "Tell me about customer service."

No one appeared to hear him, so he said it louder, "Tell me about customer service."

The table stopped. They stared first at Dikshit, then at TFM then back again. Minutes passed. Finally, TFM spoke:

"I'm Lee Jones. I'm The Folding Man. I know about customer service. I will bend rules and get the customer what they want. Just the other day William here asked for a new car. You know what? I gave it to him. You see these clones? They wanted to give to charity, but that I won't give 'em, because it is not fair to the other customers. Do you see why, Dikshit?"

"You know who I am?" exclaimed Dikshit.

"Of course," Lee replied, "I have been waiting for your arrival. The Gimp works for me. You didn't think I was reeaaally a pacifist did you? HAHAHA!"

"Nooo!" Dicksheet could not believe the betrayal. "How could I have fallen into your trap!"

The two men rose from their seats. Slowly, they approached each other, fists raised. "I'm gonna Sizzler your ass!" Dicksheets said. Lee bobbed. Dikshit weaved. The dance had begun, but it was a Dance of Death.

"Monster!" screamed Dickshet as he gouged Lee's eyes.

"Supernova Freerolls!" yelled TFM as he landed a throat punch.

The two men were fighting and struggling with all their might. One of the ZJs asked, "Should we stop this?" Another ZJ replied, "Only if Dikshit gives us our money back."





Then Ray Zee pulled a gun out of his Gi and shot 'em both. As he sat back down to the table, Ray Zee started talking, "Let me tell you guys about turkeys..."
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