[Global Warming]

Women get fat. I seem to get blamed for everything else so I just want to head that off by saying this is not my fault.

The good news is it doesn't matter if she's fat because a woman getting fat is generally preceded by her becoming a frigid bitch. Since she never wants to have sex anymore anyway, who cares if she's fat.

I'll tell you what, guys. You get them out of the house away from the damn soap operas and chocolate, and I'll do what I can to sweat some lard off of them.