[Godot]

Tek I respect your opinion and criticism, despite the fact that I might not agree with all of them. Even on our disagreements what you say is not without merit and you are able to back up your assertions with credible arguments. You do not, under the guise of criticisms, make thinly veiled ad hominem attacks when they are completely unncessary. I respect that and I respect your difference in opinion on certain matters. However, any debates would almost not be worth it, since there is only marginal daylight between our positions.

You are completely correct about my "ego-based arguments," I felt like I was under personal attack and I lashed out. I think that if I were to calmly reasses the situation I would realize that some points are so obvious that it is futile to argue them, and by engaging in such "ego-based arguments" I am lowering myself to my opponenet. However, I am a man. And as a man I don't take kindly to completely unwarranted and baseless attacks to my person. Yes I was rash, and I understand than some of the anger directed at Mock may be misdirected anger that has simmered in my subconscious at another target. I understand that, and I am working on that. I suppose an apt real world analogy would be if a person spit on you on the street based on completely erroneous prejudices that they hold. That is how I felt. I ignored his first post, as it seemed that Axe set him straight. Yet when he posted his ignorance again, it was too much for me to take. I can accept one mistake, but if you are shown that you are incorrect and continue to engage in said behavior at my expense I will not and can not be expected to like it.

In person, I am the most affable and even keel person you will meet...outside of gambling. This is due to the fact that I am rarely insulted or have personal attacks directed at me, as I am generally well respected among my peers. However, in an anonymous forum, there will be haters that will take potshots at you for no other reason than to appease their egos.

I know you may argue that I am continuing in the behavior that I have just condemened, but right now I am a bit wound up and it is hard to think rationally and constructively due to pressures beyond this forum. I suppose if I had a cooling off period and wrote this when I came back, my response would not seem so vituperative. But I felt compelled to act decisively. Even now, I regret saying many of the things I wrote, but I have to stand by them for better or for worse. These real life "tilt" issues are some things I am working through therapy right now. Oftentimes, the target of my wrath recieves more aggression than is perhaps deserved due to factors that transcend the immediate incident.

I know I am rambling, but I have been up for a long time contemplating my relationship and engaging in self introspection so I am not able to make the most compelling nor coherent arguments. You see, I am in Arizona right now (my home state, another long story why I am here...maybe I'll post why soon) and I will be traveling back east to see Allison. I don't know what the future holds for us right now, but it is an incredibly stressful time for me and that may contribute to some of my erratic behavior lately. I hope you understand and I always appreciate your feedback, even if I disagree.

Take care

Maybe I'll check in when I'm on the East coast. Hopefully people are still interested in hearing my story.

Still Waiting for Godot (did you check it out? If you read French, read it in the original French...the translation loses some of that je ne sais quoi.)