Re: splitting a lobster
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Flip the bug on its back.
Hold the claws down over its head.
See the sort flat flapper things in front of its mouth?
Take a heavy french knife and point it between those at about a 60 degree angle.
Stab straight down. hard. That stroke should kill the lobster pretty quick by splitting its brain. problem is, the brain is real small, so you might have to stab a couple of times, adjusting your angle.
Once the bug stops kicking you can slice it at your leisure.
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If OP still has an appetite after doing the above, I'd be shocked.
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