[Cesaro]

So it's orientation week up at school and a bunch of my friends and I decided we were going to go up early and relive the wonderful experiences we had last year. The first night we go out and lose one particularly wasted buddy of mine. I saw him again the next day around 3 in the afternoon with a crowd gathered around him. He told us this story...

"So I wake up this morning and I notice I'm in the top bunk and I think to myself, 'hm, that's weird' because I sleep in the bottom bunk. I'm still pretty drunk at this point so it takes me a while to notice the girl looking up at me screaming, 'oh my god! get out of my bed!' At this point I look under the sheets and realize I'm completely naked, so naturally I tell her, 'go away, i'm naked.' So the girl runs away and I'm tired to I just go back to sleep.

I'm awoken again later by a larger woman. Unfortunately, this one is wearing a campus police uniform. She orders me to get out of bed but I tell her, 'I cant...i'm naked.' She looks disturbed at this point. She inquires further...'Do you know anything about the vomit all over the hall?' I tell her absolutely not. 'What about the pile of clothes on the floor in the other room, soaked in piss?' No way, not mine. 'And i suppose the giant pile of [censored] on the chair doesn't belong to you either?'

Oh God, no I didnt...I glance in to the other room and, sure enough, there's a giant pile of [censored] on the chair. The lady asks where I live and I tell her room 204. She tells me I'm in 205. [censored]...so close. She goes to my room to get some clothes for me from my roommate. When he opens the door though, she gets a glimpse at the 300 dollars worth of alcohol we have illegally stashed above the fireplace and confiscates it.

She comes back with my clothes and I get dressed and leave. The other room smells terrible. These poor innocent freshman girls. I walk outside and the hallway looks like someone projectile vomited all over the walls, the floor, anywhere but the trashcan really. The officer announces that I'm drunk and that she's taking me into custody. I say 'well if you're taking me in you better take in this [censored] whore over here. there's no way she's coming home sober at 8:30 in the morning.' The officer does not humor me. I go to the infirmary and blow a .27 at 9:30 AM. They dont release me until 2:30.

Looking back I realize I simply made an honest mistake, thining that that girl's room was the bathroom. Why i got naked and pissed on my clothes too, well, I have no idea."

So yea, some poor freshman girl went out her first night at college only to come home to find someone [censored] and pissed all over her room and passed out naked in her bed. Awesome.