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I've also told myself that I don't want to socialize with most people because they are boring, loud, unintelligent, etc. (something that some of the respondents in this thread have mentioned) but I feel like this may just be an excuse I've constructed as a way to avoid socializing.
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One side effect of increasing your social skills is that people BECOME interesting. People aren't inherently interesting or uninteresting, it's the interactions that you have with them that make them what they are. If you're socially anxious, think of how people probably perceive you when they first meet you. They probably don't think that you're too interesting because you don't say too much, but we both know better than that, you've had a whole lifetime of experiences that make you an amazing person.
So by increasing your communication skills, you help to elicit information from them that's interesting. Look back at this conversation that I made up:
You: Hi, I'm _____.
Her: I'm _____, nice to meet you.
You: Do you like the professor?
Her: Yeah, I guess.
You: Do you have enough time to finish his tedious homework?
Her: Not really, I keep pretty busy.
You: Do you have a job?
Her: Yeah. *and looking uncomfortable at being barraged to a rapidfire series of questions with no transition between them*
She’s not very interesting, is she? But when you start controlling the interaction and helping her to reveal herself more effectively, you discover someone that has real potential to be a neat person:
You: Hi, I'm _____.
Her: I'm _____, nice to meet you.
You: So what do you think of the professor?
Her: I think he's pretty nice, but the homework is really tedious, I'm usually so busy that I struggle to keep up with all of it.
You: What keeps you so busy?
Her: Well I practice gymnastics 20 hours a week and I've got a part time job at Sephora.
You: Really, gymnastics, that sounds interesting, how long have you been involved in that?
Gymnastics, mmm, just imagine what she can do with her legs! You need to give people an opportunity to reveal themselves, and a lot of the time you discover “Hey, this person is actually pretty cool!” Do you remember that story that gonores posted about Panhandling Pete? Here’s a link to it for those of you who haven’t read it:
Part 1
Part 2
Who could have thought a homeless guy could be so awesome? If gonores had just given him some money and walked away he would have never known that. Instead he ate with this guy and talked to him and discovered an amazing person. When you start developing your social skills with people, you’ll discover the same thing in all sorts of people that you wouldn’t have made any connection with before.
Now I can’t guarantee that you’d rather be talking to a group of strangers than playing poker in your room after developing your social skills, but you’ll at least know how to have enjoyable interactions with people if you so desire.
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This has not only affected me in my social life but, also, I feel like it will be strongly inhibitive in my professional life as I am going into the business world and I know that networking and socializing are vital to a career in that field. Any further advice you guys have would be appreciated.
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Yes, social skills are very important in the professional world. Interviews are based on your social skills as much as they are on your credentials, whether you like it or not. It’s a big part of how competent you’re perceived to be, for better or for worse, so it affects promotions, raises and workload also.
Communication is the basis of relationships also, so even if you already have a girlfriend that you’d like to spend the rest of your life with, effective communication skills are still very important. Relationships require you to be assertive at times, and it can be tough. There’s a balance that needs to be struck, because if you’re too assertive you come off as aggressive and angry, and if you’re not aggressive enough you can become a doormat. This is only one way that effective communication skills are used in relationships, believe me when I say that they come up a LOT.
I’ll try to make up a more comprehensive writeup complete with explanations of strategies, exercises and assignments to get you well on your way to being a top notch communicator. I’ve got a paper to write by tomorrow and a presentation on Monday, so unfortunately I can’t indulge too much right now, but practice what I already said and the results will show. In the mall assignment, make sure you say hello to EVERY PERSON YOU SEE, don’t make up excuses like “he’s wearing an ipod” or “this person is talking to her friend,” because the whole point of this assignment is to get you to stop making up excuses that keep you from talking to people. That’s what keeps you from talking to strangers in the first place, isn’t it? You can always make up excuses for why you shouldn’t talk to a certain person, but it’s important that you realize that these are only excuses. Good luck.