More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

Sorry to dissapoint the myspace thread followers, but most of the [censored] leads have dried up, but I did find one girl that I am interested in. Seen her about 4 times, talked a bit, seems to be going well, although progressing slowly. She just takes her time, and its no big deal for me.

Pretty early she gave me the non-exclusive talk, stating that she was dating other people and wanted to make sure I was aware and didn't care. No biggie, I barely know the girl. I don't want anything serious until I get to know someone anyway.

When I am on vacation, I notice several comments left on her mypsace page by one guy, who I will refer to as Army Tool. Seems like a total loser, has his myspace all tooled out to look like a 13 yr old girl, is younger than her, fat. Comments are along the lines of "I can't wait to meet you sweetie!" and "It was soo good to meet u!". I can't quote them all because she deleted them. Also, 3 days after they met, he posts in his myspace blog about "The Girl" he met, and how hes so in love. Again, seems like a total tool. Also while I'm gone (a total of 10 days), he buys her all kinds of jewelery as well.

When I get back, we go out, she asks if I'm still ok with the non-exclusive thing, and I agree, and try to get her to reveal what's up with this guy. This is where she shows me the jewelry. She seems annoyed with him, but is a nice girl and doesn't want to break his heart. She mentions she told him she was going out the night we went out, but didn't tell him it was a date because "when we talked about seeing other people, he said hed be really sad if I did." If this girl has any sense, she will choose me over him (and if she doesn't, definitely not my type), or neither of us.

This guy definitely seems to seem like the obsessive jealous type, and I can sense she is getting annoyed by it. I figure my best gameplan is to back off, and let the trainwreck happen. However, I don't think it would be a terrible idea to somehow make sure he finds out not only is she allowed to date other people, she is. But I can't make it obvious that she knows that's what I'm up to.

Any ideas?

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

I would think the inevitable trainwreck with the other guy would happen a lot sooner if you didn't back off. I am a big advocate of forcing situations like this to crisis.

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I am less concerned with what you should do and more annoyed at the notion girls have that not rejecting a guy is the "nice" thing to do. [censored]. What a crock. Yeah. String the guy a long. Let him build up his hopes. Fool him into thinking he has a chance. THEN burn him when you finally can't take it any more. "Letting him down easy" is never as easy as just coming out and saying "I don't want to date you."

With that rant out of the way, I think you should just keep seeing this girl. The loser will find out about you and get the message. If he doesn't get the message, the chick will be forced to make sure he does.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

The clear play here is to link us to both their MySpace pages.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

It sounds like she still thinks she can get more jewelry out of this guy, and over the top flattery and ego fulfillment.

A plus for you is that she's practical. Another plus for you is that she obviously doesn't care about the guy's feelings -- heck, doesn't even find that contradictory when dating him.

A minus for you is that if it's easy to apply that outlook to one guy, it's hard not to apply it to all of them.

You seem much more angry and insulting to this guy for just liking this girl than you do toward her for leading him on and juggling other guys at the same time. This seems like displaced anger toward her. You've got nothing to be so down on for him about, and it sounds like you wish him harm.

This girl does not seem to be a good thing for you. Unless maybe you're just like her and I'm being blind here, in which case you two are perfect for each other.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

If this girl cannot get rid of this guy on her own, she is immature and you don't want to have anything to do with her. So just ignore the issue for now and if it does not go away stop seeing this girl.

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The clear play here is to link us to both their MySpace pages.

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Nice Try.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

How are you always so damn right, Blarg?

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

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It sounds like she still thinks she can get more jewelry out of this guy, and over the top flattery and ego fulfillment.

A plus for you is that she's practical. Another plus for you is that she obviously doesn't care about the guy's feelings -- heck, doesn't even find that contradictory when dating him.

A minus for you is that if it's easy to apply that outlook to one guy, it's hard not to apply it to all of them.

You seem much more angry and insulting to this guy for just liking this girl than you do toward her for leading him on and juggling other guys at the same time. This seems like displaced anger toward her. You've got nothing to be so down on for him about, and it sounds like you wish him harm.

This girl does not seem to be a good thing for you. Unless maybe you're just like her and I'm being blind here, in which case you two are perfect for each other.

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She has told him not to buy anything else for her again.

No displaced anger. I'm dating other people. I do dislike guys "like that", and thought she had better tastes than that. If she is into that kinda stuff, I'm not gonna lose any sleep over her, though.

And if it gets into a spending contest, there is no doubt who will win. The army grunt or the guy who makes >5x as much?

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And if it gets into a spending contest, there is no doubt who will win. The army grunt or the guy who makes >5x as much?

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Both of you lose.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

Wasn't [censored] in the army?

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

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She has told him not to buy anything else for her again.



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My cynicism doesn't allow me to put much stock in this

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And if it gets into a spending contest, there is no doubt who will win. The army grunt or the guy who makes >5x as much?


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You would actually want to win this contest?

Something tells me you may get your chance to try.

I've been "invited" to participate in similar contests too. Right away I knew I didn't want to win.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

ditto - this girl's a ho and you know it bro

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if you're ok with having a non-exclusive relationship with this girl then why does the fact that she's dating a chump matter? enjoy her company when you both feel like meeting up but otherwise go do your own thing.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

I play for the long term. I'm not gonna try to buy the girl, she's too smart to see through that [censored] (again, if she's not, good riddance). But her chances of maintaining the lifestyle she is used to is much higher with me.

As long as she knows I am perfectly willing to take care of her when the time comes, I am not worried about this. Plus, I got her a more thoughtful gift for Christmas without appearing over the top.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

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if you're ok with having a non-exclusive relationship with this girl then why does the fact that she's dating a chump matter? enjoy her company when you both feel like meeting up but otherwise go do your own thing.

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Good point. I'm not that concerned. I do see it as potentially detrimental down the road.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

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I play for the long term. I'm not gonna try to buy the girl, she's too smart to see through that [censored] (again, if she's not, good riddance). But her chances of maintaining the lifestyle she is used to is much higher with me.

As long as she knows I am perfectly willing to take care of her when the time comes, I am not worried about this. Plus, I got her a more thoughtful gift for Christmas without appearing over the top.

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Too smart not to see through it? I think you're missing the point. And why the hell are you buying Xmas gifts for non-exclusive girls?

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

ugh, this girl just sounds like someone you dont want to even bother with. Honestly she doesnt even sound that interested in you, and is stringing you along the same way she is this other guy. Shes not looking for a relationship, and regardless of what you've told her, it sounds like you are. I very much doubt you find anthing rewarding or fulfilling here, move on.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

yeah, why are you buying her gifts? And what's the endgame here - marriage? She sure don't sound like a one-woman man.....in my experience, player chicks don't are like leopards - they don't change their spots and marriage or a "monogamous" relationship ain't gonna change that one iota

If you ask me, her poor choice in this other guy reflects poorly on her and on you too - there are plenty of fish in the sea so don't think this has to be the one

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

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ugh, this girl just sounds like someone you dont want to even bother with. Honestly she doesnt even sound that interested in you, and is stringing you along the same way she is this other guy. Shes not looking for a relationship, and regardless of what you've told her, it sounds like you are. I very much doubt you find anthing rewarding or fulfilling here, move on.

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Very well said. When I am dating I find a lot of girls that are cute, smart, funny etc etc and I really start to like them and then I run into something like this and I am disappointed because they have a lot of good qualities but it doesn't matter.

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I play for the long term. I'm not gonna try to buy the girl, she's too smart to see through that [censored] (again, if she's not, good riddance). But her chances of maintaining the lifestyle she is used to is much higher with me.

As long as she knows I am perfectly willing to take care of her when the time comes, I am not worried about this. Plus, I got her a more thoughtful gift for Christmas without appearing over the top.

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Too smart not to see through it? I think you're missing the point. And why the hell are you buying Xmas gifts for non-exclusive girls?

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She loves to read, and I was in the store and saw a book she mentioned she had never read but wanted to, and splurged the $10 for it. Questionable play, but it worked in the end.

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ugh, this girl just sounds like someone you dont want to even bother with. Honestly she doesnt even sound that interested in you, and is stringing you along the same way she is this other guy. Shes not looking for a relationship, and regardless of what you've told her, it sounds like you are. I very much doubt you find anthing rewarding or fulfilling here, move on.

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I find it very funny that everyone here can make such impressive judgements of someone with knowing so little of the story. It's amazing any of you find anyone. Let me decide if the girl is worthwhile. I'm not proposing any time soon. Stick to the question at hand.

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She loves to read, and I was in the store and saw a book she mentioned she had never read but wanted to, and splurged the $10 for it. Questionable play, but it worked in the end.

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Worked by allowing you to be one of her many MySpace [censored]? Wow. You're a shrewd one.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

OP,

"I find it very funny that everyone here can make such impressive judgements of someone with knowing so little of the story."

Then why the hell are you asking for advice from these pople? Jesus, to read your descriptions of things I'm shocked to know you aren't big ballin with the likes of Heidi Klum or something. If you wanted a bunch of people to suck your kac and tell you what you wanted to hear you shouldn't of posted on OOT.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

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Stick to the question at hand.

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whats the actual question? how to get this girl?

Honestly I dont think you have a chance, shes stringing you and tool boy along, and thats the way it will stay until she finds someone shes more interested in, and then she stops returning your calls

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

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ugh, this girl just sounds like someone you dont want to even bother with. Honestly she doesnt even sound that interested in you, and is stringing you along the same way she is this other guy. Shes not looking for a relationship, and regardless of what you've told her, it sounds like you are. I very much doubt you find anthing rewarding or fulfilling here, move on.

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I find it very funny that everyone here can make such impressive judgements of someone with knowing so little of the story. It's amazing any of you find anyone. Let me decide if the girl is worthwhile. I'm not proposing any time soon. Stick to the question at hand.

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Sounds like you aren't hearing what you wanted to hear.

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Stick to the question at hand.

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whats the actual question? how to get this girl?

Honestly I dont think you have a chance, shes stringing you and tool boy along, and thats the way it will stay until she finds someone shes more interested in, and then she stops returning your calls

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How to instigate a jealous rage from numbuts.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

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ugh, this girl just sounds like someone you dont want to even bother with. Honestly she doesnt even sound that interested in you, and is stringing you along the same way she is this other guy. Shes not looking for a relationship, and regardless of what you've told her, it sounds like you are. I very much doubt you find anthing rewarding or fulfilling here, move on.

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I find it very funny that everyone here can make such impressive judgements of someone with knowing so little of the story. It's amazing any of you find anyone. Let me decide if the girl is worthwhile. I'm not proposing any time soon. Stick to the question at hand.

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Sounds like you aren't hearing what you wanted to hear.

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Bingo. I don't need OOT to tell me what I want in a girl. It's alright though, there is usually a lot of noise and a few decent responses.

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Stick to the question at hand.

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whats the actual question? how to get this girl?

Honestly I dont think you have a chance, shes stringing you and tool boy along, and thats the way it will stay until she finds someone shes more interested in, and then she stops returning your calls

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How to instigate a jealous rage from numbuts.

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You want him to get jealous of the fact that she has met up with you a couple of times and told you that she doesn't want anything exclusive? What do you need our help for, that should easily drive any sane man into a jealous rage.

Seriously, listen to what you are saying. Don't lower yourself to that level. If this girl is incapable of recognizing that this guy is a tool and getting rid of her by herself, you don't want to have anything to do with her. If she doesn't get rid of the tool and you are still interested in her, then there is something wrong with you.

You barely even know this girl and you are already jealous of some guy who she doesn't even appear to be interested in. That is not a healthy way to start a relationship.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

It seems there were a few very decent responses and basically covered all sides of the situation. What type of response here would of satisfied you?

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

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How to instigate a jealous rage from numbuts.

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Can't you just post her myspace link on here, and everyone here will leave a message about how good of a time they all had with her. I'm not real familiar with myspace, but I think that would get numbnuts all riled up.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

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It seems there were a few very decent responses and basically covered all sides of the situation. What type of response here would of satisfied you?

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miajag81 and MrWookie have examples of good responses.

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Stick to the question at hand.

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whats the actual question? how to get this girl? Honestly I dont think you have a chance, shes stringing you and tool boy along, and thats the way it will stay until she finds someone shes more interested in, and then she stops returning your calls

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How to instigate a jealous rage from numbuts.

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why even bother? your success in the situation doesnt really hang on what happens to him.

why hate on him just cuz hes after the same tail you are, and you feel insulted cuz you think hes a tool yet shes still dating him. Win her over on your own merits, if the guy is as tooly as you say he is, he will take care of his own destruction

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How to instigate a jealous rage from numbuts.

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Can't you just post her myspace link on here, and everyone here will leave a message about how good of a time they all had with her. I'm not real familiar with myspace, but I think that would get numbnuts all riled up.

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Then it would be quite obvious to her I was up to it, which is something I want to avoid.

Resolution: I posted a comment in her myspace with a picture and quote from the DVD we watched last night.

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if you're ok with having a non-exclusive relationship with this girl then why does the fact that she's dating a chump matter? enjoy her company when you both feel like meeting up but otherwise go do your own thing.

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Good point. I'm not that concerned. I do see it as potentially detrimental down the road.

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yep. but that is then. i wouldn't bother thinking about more than a week into the future with a girl i am casually seeing. or is she the type you'd one day take home to mom?

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

Alobar,

I'm pretty sure Blarg nailed it when he suggested misplaced aggression. Its kind of funny to see someone so lacking in self-awareness lash out at a multitude of people who can tell at a glance what's going on.

Keep On Keepin' On,
RunDownHouse

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

Is this one of the girls you wrote about in the Myspace thread?

If not, what happened to the cutter? Sounded like you guys were kinda into each other.

Re: More Dating Advice - What\'s My Play
 

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However, I don't think it would be a terrible idea to somehow make sure he finds out not only is she allowed to date other people, she is. But I can't make it obvious that she knows that's what I'm up to.

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I don't get it - are you ok with her seeing this guy (or others) or not? I'm guessing that, at least some time in the future, her seeing another guy won't be ok. And that might be sooner than you're willing to admit.

I guess I sit tight for a week or so. See how things develop. If she complains about the guy but keeps him around, that's a huge red flag. If she keeps him around but actually likes the guy, time to look in the mirror. Frankly, a girl who likes a total douchebag loses points with me - I'd probably walk. But if you like her, maybe force the situation.

How long has she been seeing Army dude?

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Is this one of the girls you wrote about in the Myspace thread?

If not, what happened to the cutter? Sounded like you guys were kinda into each other.

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It's the cutter. She's a cool chick, just see her as the "too nice" type, giving a lot of guys chances she shouldn't because she's afraid they'll leave when she goes crazy.

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However, I don't think it would be a terrible idea to somehow make sure he finds out not only is she allowed to date other people, she is. But I can't make it obvious that she knows that's what I'm up to.

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I don't get it - are you ok with her seeing this guy (or others) or not? I'm guessing that, at least some time in the future, her seeing another guy won't be ok. And that might be sooner than you're willing to admit.

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Totally cool now. A month from now, not so much I'd say. It used to bother me a little, only because I hate competition from other guys. Things would be a lot easier if he wasn't in the picture (or maybe not).
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I guess I sit tight for a week or so. See how things develop. If she complains about the guy but keeps him around, that's a huge red flag. If she keeps him around but actually likes the guy, time to look in the mirror. Frankly, a girl who likes a total douchebag loses points with me - I'd probably walk. But if you like her, maybe force the situation.


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I will give it more than a week.
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How long has she been seeing Army dude?

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Met him for the first time 2 days before Christmas. He professed his love for her 3 days later in his myspace blog.

Again, I'm cool letting things play out. I just wondered if there was an interesting way to speed up the jealous rampage he goes on. And she is really into him, there is really no reason I'd ever expect this girl to be a good match for me. He may be a big tool, but he probably is really nice to her, so that's what he has going for him, so I can understand her hanging out with him, even if she is not into him as much.