How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Wasn't sure to post this in Student Life or BBV. I made the right choice imo.

Anyways, I have a history of deferring (chosing not to write) tests when I'm not prepared for them. Everytime I go the doctor marks on the note I had limitted symptoms and can't be good for my record. So I have to defer a test I have on Saturday. I feel like it's necessary I actually get an illness so he can have some findings this time. I chose diarrhea. I'm going to go get the Doctor's note at about 10:00am Saturday morning.

The question:

When and what should I do to get diarrhea at the perfect time for my plan?

Do me well, BBV.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

bad chicken imo

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Coming from a person who used to ditch middle/highschool ALL the time (I became known as the person who never went to school), trust me, if you go to the doctor, you really don't need to have any real symptoms.

A good one to use is you have really really really bad migraines that are horribly distracting.

As long as you have that doctors' note, you're golden.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

If I wanted 100% sure.. I'd eat 2 chipotle burritos in a day.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Drink some castor oil. you'll puke and look like death.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

http://img32.picoodle.com/img/img32/...em_22f3a9c.png

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Coming from a person who used to ditch middle/highschool ALL the time (I became known as the person who never went to school), trust me, if you go to the doctor, you really don't need to have any real symptoms.

A good one to use is you have really really really bad migraines that are horribly distracting.

As long as you have that doctors' note, you're golden.

[/ QUOTE ]
If I used this is there any analysis a Doctor can do to discover I'm lying?

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

diarrhea = illness??? I have diarrhea every day and feel fine...

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

[ QUOTE ]
http://img32.picoodle.com/img/img32/...em_22f3a9c.png

[/ QUOTE ]

this will work.
also, drink as much milk as you can.
like when yur body says no, drink one more bag.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Nope.

The beauty is in it's simplicity.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

just drink a bunch of laxatives. try not to kill yourself

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

To the person who mentioned milk:

I have drank a lot of milk at times and felt horrible. On top of that my milk is expired...seems like icing on the cake. Hmm...I could eat a lot of that too.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Just [censored] yourself as you walk into the classroom to save time.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

make up a phony doctors note then wipe your ass on it.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

or wipe a nearby dog's ass on it. you'll feel fine.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

go to mexico

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

[ QUOTE ]
To the person who mentioned milk:

I have drank a lot of milk at times and felt horrible. On top of that my milk is expired...seems like icing on the cake. Hmm...I could eat a lot of that too.

[/ QUOTE ]

should work imo

http://img204.imageshack.us/img204/1227/milkrx9.png

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Throw some chilli down your pants on the way to class

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Coming from a person who used to ditch middle/highschool ALL the time (I became known as the person who never went to school), trust me, if you go to the doctor, you really don't need to have any real symptoms.

A good one to use is you have really really really bad migraines that are horribly distracting.

As long as you have that doctors' note, you're golden.

[/ QUOTE ]
I'm going to harass you once more. When you used this method, what kind of details do you provide? I don't wanna [censored] this up. We both know there is a lot of questions about your symptoms, time it started, etc. If possible provide me a brief speech. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

gotta use epikak insta puke
http://i231.photobucket.com/albums/e...i_fountain.gif

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

[ QUOTE ]
this will work. also, drink as much milk as you can.
like when yur body says no, drink one more bag.

[/ QUOTE ]

milk comes in.....bags? milk comes in cartons and jugs afaik.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

[ QUOTE ]
milk comes in.....bags? milk comes in cartons and jugs afaik.

[/ QUOTE ]
Milk in small bags is pretty standard in some places.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

go to casino and stick the chips in your mouth. One of the millions of bacteria will make you sick.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Serious answer: Lactulose is used to treat constipation and in high enough doses is known to cause abdominal cramping, flatulence, and diarrhea. I believe it's commercially available without a prescription.

Still, how do you expect diarrhea to add more credibility to your illness? Do you plan on having the diarrhea in front of your doctor?, or just by letting it dehydrate you until you are physically ill.

Also, don't wear your favorite pair of pants that day you try this.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

drink someone elses' sticky brown ass-piss. That'll fix you right up.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Here's what you do

1) Buy a big tub of peanut butter
2) Just before the test, pad your ass crack with peanut butter
3) As you go into the test, grab your stomach and groan loudly, then contort like you just [censored] yourself.
4) Put your hand down the back of your trousers, and pull out some peanut butter so you have a ton of witnesses
5) Eat it so everyone who wants out can pretend to puke.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

A serious solution, since this thread offers no useful advice so far.

mbillie1's diarrhea recipe: 100% full proof

1) night before test, at approximately 6 pm, eat the following taco bell menu items: chicken fiesta burrito, cheesy fiesta potatos, 2x nachos with cheese, 2x beef soft tacos

2) at approximately 8 pm that same night, consume the following: 4x 12oz bottles of guinness, followed by 4x bottles of corona, followed by 2x shots of tequila, 2x shots of jameson (or soco/lime), 2x shots of dr mcguillicutty, then 2x dos equis amber

3) at approximately 1-5 am, depending on how fuct you are, order a large thin crust dominos pizza with pepperoni, onion, green peppers and olives. mix ranch dressing with frank's red hot hot sauce, dip pizza in this sauce

4) at 5-6 am, drink 3-4 cans/bottles of bud light, as it's the only crap beer you can find in your fridge (arrange for this beforehand; anticipation is the key to ensuring a successful bout of diarrhea)

5) masturbate furiously watching disgusting fetish porn before sleep.

6) wake up at 10-11 am, go DIRECTLY to doctor. don't piss when you wake up, as it's very probable that poo will just fall out at the slightest sensation of waste release

7) smoke 2-3 cigarettes on the way over, drink a red bull and a 20oz mountain dew

8) voila: diarrhea the likes of which thou hast never known before

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

this will work.
also, drink as much milk as you can.
like when yur body says no, drink one more bag.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wait, did you say a bag of milk? Where the [censored] do you live where they sell you milk in bags? [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

[ QUOTE ]
drink someone elses' sticky brown ass-piss. That'll fix you right up.

[/ QUOTE ]

This thread is really brutal [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Taco bell, coffee, and cigarettes

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Try that new drug JENKEM

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

[ QUOTE ]
don't piss when you wake up, as it's very probable that poo will just fall out at the slightest sensation of waste release

[/ QUOTE ]

This ruins everything from blind dates to job interviews

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

http://www.benettontalk.com/jalapeno.jpg

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Also, maybe you should save your [censored] and donate it to jenkem users

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

[ QUOTE ]
also, drink as much milk as you can.
like when yur body says no, drink one more bag.

[/ QUOTE ]

Who buys milk by the bag?

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

actually having diarrhea is pretty worthless with getting a doctors note, your gp aint gonna check your underwear for skidmarks. doctors dont care about diarrhea, they jsut wanna write you a note so you [censored] off, no one wants to hang around someone who cant control their bowels.. jsut go to the doc and youll be out in less than 2minutes with a crisp note

maybe try insomnia? i got drugs and stuff for that and the doc didnt do any tests apart from jsut asking me questions and normal stuff. pretty sweet excuse if you ask me

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Drink a lot of Budweiser. You'll be producing some "Bud Mud" in no time.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

http://img130.imageshack.us/img130/8044/ssxa7.jpg

How has this not been said, 100% effective for me.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

Ty for all the responses. TR due tomorrow afternoon to you fine gents.

Re: How can I make myself get diarrhea?
 

TO THOSE WHO DOUBT MY BAGGED MILK:

THE BAG:
http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/4994/milk3jk1.jpg

so this is the bag, you take it out, and put it in...

THE PLASTIC JUG:
http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/9835/milkwc4.jpg

once inside this jug, you cut a corner off the bag.

OP, drink 3 Bags, which is 4 litres, or a gallon for the americans, and you'll about as unhappy as this dude:

http://img105.imageshack.us/img105/9593/bagomilkzb8.jpg