Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

This is a serious post and need some help. I could post in OOT or BBV, but I don't think I'd be taken as seriously as I want this to be.

2003, I met this girl. She was like an angel to me the first time I saw her. 1 month later I was sent on a deployment to Kosovo. A year later when I came home, three weeks after I got back, she broke up with me. I was devastated. With the rumors of a second deployment to Iraq, I went into a severe depression. The stress of being away from home, being in Kosovo, and the stress of trying to hold a relationship while I was gone finally broke me down.

I took an anti-depressant for about 1.5 years when all of a sudden I decided I was going to snap out of it and move on with my life. And I did.

I didn't talk to the girl for 2 years, and then all of a sudden she wrote to me on AIM and we got back together because she said, "we were never able to give it a chance." We went to NYC for New Year's Eve where I was able to use my police ID to get us into Times Square (it does come in handy), I paid for her plane ticket for a 2 week trip to California over the summer, and I've always been there for her no matter what.

Well, she is an only child. She can be stubborn sometimes, but she is always stressed. She says that if she can't put 100% into something, then she shouldn't do it at all. She started medical school in August and wants to be a neurosurgeon, but she's still undecided. She's busy. I'm an hour away, which isn't a problem because I see her like once a week. She started getting behind on her work because she never got a break, and since the stress is building, our relationship was the first to go. It doesn't hurt as bad as it did the first time. I saw it coming for awhile. She is very selfish and always tries to blame other people for her stress when all she needs to do is calm down and relax, but she can't. She has trouble sleeping at night and of course, it's some external event like her neighbor, me, doors slamming, or the light coming into her window. She wears earplugs at night just so that she can't hear any noise.

Well, although this is like a vent, I'd like to know what your opinions are on the disadvantages of dating a doctor or a med student? I know they basically have no time, but I guess I'm looking for some reinforcement. I love the girl to death and can't see myself ever feeling the same way about anyone else. I know it's so cliche, but it's true. Like I said, it doesn't hurt as bad as the first time, but I still think about her all the time and wish we would get back together eventhough I know that her selfishness and stressfulness is a problem.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

Simple question: Does she love you as much as you love her?

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

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Simple question: Does she love you as much as you love her?

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Well that was always a question. She always believed that she loved me more than I loved her. She always had her guard up thinking I would cheat on her, and I would never even think about it. If I would talk to a girl and she found out, it would turn into a fiasco. But she can go through her days talking to guys all the time, in fact, her neighbor in the med school dorms is a guy from Philly and I'm not supposed to care at all. It turned out to me just not telling her because I didn't want it to turn into a big ordeal where I would have to fight for her to trust me again. And then it comes down to how I never tell her anything and she thinks I'm being shady. It's like a never ended downward spiral.

Edit: My day consists of 1. sleeping until I have to get up in the morning, 2. going to class, 3. reading news on the internet 4. Reading a book, 5. hanging out in my room, 6. reading more news on the internet...etc. I don't go out, I don't party, I don't talk to anyone, yet....she still thinks I'm up to something.

On the outside she is incredibly beautiful. I fall in love with her more and more everytime I see her because I just think she is so beautiful. But her stressfulness really takes away something because she hardly ever lets loose and just lets things be. However, when she does let loose and is that best friend, she is awesome. She is so much fun to be around. I always tell her that I know that amazing girl is inside of her and she just needs to let it out, but she always has her guard up.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

I think planning is the key to making it work. So you have to be open about the amount of time you're going to spend with each other, and whether there's any way you can help her with her time (like buying her a nice dinner or making her a nice dinner while she studies once every so often).

If you plan the time, and then make sure the time you spend together is quality, and not just her venting, then it could work if both of your are the independent types and don't mind the time away from each other.

One thing about doctors is that they are generally tough as nails, so if she decides she wants to make it work, I'm sure she can. But the decision has to be mutual, and it's gonna be relatively tough, and take some honest planning together imo.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

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I think planning is the key to making it work. So you have to be open about the amount of time you're going to spend with each other, and whether there's any way you can help her with her time (like buying her a nice dinner or making her a nice dinner while she studies once every so often).

If you plan the time, and then make sure the time you spend together is quality, and not just her venting, then it could work if both of your are the independent types and don't mind the time away from each other.

One thing about doctors is that they are generally tough as nails, so if she decides she wants to make it work, I'm sure she can. But the decision has to be mutual, and it's gonna be relatively tough, and take some honest planning together imo.

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She gets stressed when we plan on when we can see each other too. So we let things work themselves out, and then it's a problem because we never see each other. I'd go down on Monday after class, stay over, and drive back Tuesday morning because I don't start class until 12:30. When I would go there I'd always make her dinner while she studied. I'd sit in the living room while she studied in her room. But she wanted to be near me when I was there and she felt like she had to accompany me as a guest and she felt bad if she didn't, so she never got any quality studying in.

For me, I don't mind the time away. I know in my heart she is there, I hold that bond everywhere I go. She can't seem to do that. She wants to see me more, so I say I'll look into getting a job in that area so that we are closer, but her response is, "even if you're here, I still don't know if I'll be able to see you that much." She just likes to know that I'd be there when she wanted me to.

When I was in Kosovo I applied to her school to transfer. I was denied because they weren't taking anymore transfer students. She wanted me to try to transfer so that we'd be closer. After she broke up with me I asked her if she would have broken up with me if I transferred, and she said she would have. That sucked because she wanted me to transfer to be closer, yet if I would have, it would have been a mistake because I get 100% free tuition through the military where I go now.

So there are no plans with her. She openly admits that she didn't put me first.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

i dunno one thing ive always been taught and think it holds truth, is if a girl is really jealous always thinks ur cheating etc, she might be cheating

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

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i dunno one thing ive always been taught and think it holds truth, is if a girl is really jealous always thinks ur cheating etc, she might be cheating

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This girl isn't like that and I know she isn't. I trust her without a doubt. She's not some party player who is always looking for a flirt. She's very goal oriented, knows what she wants, and goes and gets it. The problem is, when she has to start dodging things and making decisions, she gets flustered and stressed.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

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i dunno one thing ive always been taught and think it holds truth, is if a girl is really jealous always thinks ur cheating etc, she might be cheating

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This girl isn't like that and I know she isn't. I trust her without a doubt. She's not some party player who is always looking for a flirt. She's very goal oriented, knows what she wants, and goes and gets it. The problem is, when she has to start dodging things and making decisions, she gets flustered and stressed.

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Alright thats great then. I just kinda skimmed the thread and saw that. Just kind of the benchmark I use alot and its usually right. Of course there are completely instances where it doesnt hold true in your case. Sorry didnt mean to derail the thread. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

I'm a doctor who married another doctor. We both agree that it is a huge advantage having a spouse who understands the stresses of our jobs without question. It makes our lives much easier not to have to explain why we need to cancel plans, are just too tired to go out, need to vent, or don't feel like talking some days when we get home. That doesn't mean that it can't work, but you are going to need to be very flexible/understanding.

If she is serious about being a neurosurgeon then medical school will be the good times. Once residency starts, you won't be seeing nearly as much of her. She will be working long hours, including nights and weekends. Her free time will mostly be spent sleeping.

This isn't meant to be all doom and gloom. If your relationship is strong, then you will work it out. It's not such a unique situation. Plenty of successful relationships have made it through tough times where work has to take priority.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

I am currently dating a 1st-year med student. Yes, it takes planning, work and patience, but it just doesn't sound like your girl is that into you.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

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I'm a doctor who married another doctor. We both agree that it is a huge advantage having a spouse who understands the stresses of our jobs without question. It makes our lives much easier not to have to explain why we need to cancel plans, are just too tired to go out, need to vent, or don't feel like talking some days when we get home. That doesn't mean that it can't work, but you are going to need to be very flexible/understanding.

If she is serious about being a neurosurgeon then medical school will be the good times. Once residency starts, you won't be seeing nearly as much of her. She will be working long hours, including nights and weekends. Her free time will mostly be spent sleeping.

This isn't meant to be all doom and gloom. If your relationship is strong, then you will work it out. It's not such a unique situation. Plenty of successful relationships have made it through tough times where work has to take priority.

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I'm like the most flexible/understanding guy on the planet. I told her I'd be there to support her no matter what the cost and I'd be willing to go wherever she gets a residency. I was prepared to do what I needed to do.

I really don't mind not going out. I actually favor not going out to going out as I am money conscious. I like to just hang out and spend time together rather than being in a large group and banging into each other.

Well, we aren't together. She just called me a little bit ago and I was telling her about my 35 hour day and she basically got the attitude that she didn't have time to talk to me anymore.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

Doctors are busy, but in this case it really seems like a secondary issue. She just doesn't seem to want to be with you. I wouldn't want to be with someone who handled stress as poorly as she seems to anyway. Medical school is not THAT hard. It's busy, and difficult, but give me a break. It just gets worse in residency, especially if she wants to be a neurosurgeon. If she's already not putting effort into keeping a relationship together, it's not going to magically be better later.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

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I am currently dating a 1st-year med student. Yes, it takes planning, work and patience, but it just doesn't sound like your girl is that into you.

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I've talked to her everyday since we broke up. I think she wants to keep me around, but doesn't want the obligation to have to call me or worry about talking to me. I've always told her I don't mind if she doesn't call because I know what she is working towards. She agrees, but it's never good enough because she'll sit there and think about calling me and when she doesn't call she feels like I'll get upset. Which reminds me...she's also the type who tries to feel for other people, so even when I'm perfectly fine, she thinks I'm upset because she would be upset. I told her to stop thinking about how I feel and just let things go, but that is never good enough.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

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A year later when I came home, three weeks after I got back, she broke up with me. I was devastated...

then all of a sudden she wrote to me on AIM and we got back together because she said, "we were never able to give it a chance."

... I paid for her plane ticket for a 2 week trip to California over the summer, and I've always been there for her no matter what.

Well, she is an only child. She can be stubborn sometimes, but she is always stressed. She says that if she can't put 100% into something, then she shouldn't do it at all.

She's busy. She started getting behind on her work because she never got a break, and since the stress is building, our relationship was the first to go. She is very selfish and always tries to blame other people for her stress when all she needs to do is calm down and relax, but she can't. She has trouble sleeping at night and of course, it's some external event like her neighbor, me, doors slamming, or the light coming into her window. She wears earplugs at night just so that she can't hear any noise.



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Well I had 3 girlfriends through medical school and 2 through residency, so I guess I can comment with some experience.

First, this girl is crazy.

Second, she is not going to be a neurosurgeon. Wearing earplugs when you sleep is one of those automatic disqualifiers from ultra-high level functioning. There aren't any neurosurgeons that use earplugs or eyemasks or "sounds of nature" CDs to sleep. They sleep standing up. So you can start by imagining how she is going to handle the "stress" of not doing as well as she wants to in medical school and having to change her mind about her specialty. She almost certainly won't end up in a surgical specialty and will almost certainly change specialties after her first year of residency (assuming she makes it through med school.)

I understand what it is like to fall for girls that are crazy or who generally suck. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier to lose them, but it IS important to eventually acknowledge the fact that you can never find sublime happiness if your S.O. is nuts.

To answer your general question, as a dude there aren't any explicit disadvantages to dating a med student or physician. As long as you are comfortable with the fact that whenever you meet her professional friends they will quietly or not so quietly be thinking that she is dating below herself because that's what traditionally successful people think about all other people.

Ah, I have to run to work... but that's the important stuff anyhow.

Irieguy

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

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Doctors are busy, but in this case it really seems like a secondary issue. She just doesn't seem to want to be with you. I wouldn't want to be with someone who handled stress as poorly as she seems to anyway. Medical school is not THAT hard. It's busy, and difficult, but give me a break. It just gets worse in residency, especially if she wants to be a neurosurgeon.

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She gets it from her mother who is always on edge like you wouldn't believe. Her mom constantly cleans, cuts the grass everyday during the summer, always has to be doing something, gets pissed at the smallest little thing. Her parents went to California with us and her mom got so stressed out about some little things that it actually made me mad and I let her know that I was pissed.

A couple months ago I needed my oil changed. My g/f wanted to do it and SHE wanted to do it. Well, we go out and get the filters and oil and go back to her house to do it. Her dad comes out to check out what is going on and is basically poking his head in to make sure she is doing it right. Then her mom comes out and gets stressed out because it looks like the oil won't hit the pan, and then her and her mom start yelling at each other. I told her to settle down and not to talk to her mother that way, and she got mad at me. So I said put the car down and I'll go to the place I normally go to. She said no and ended up finishing it up. So then I'm pissed at my g/f and her and I are arguing and her mom is inside listening, blah blah blah. Yeah.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

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To answer your general question, as a dude there aren't any explicit disadvantages to dating a med student or physician. As long as you are comfortable with the fact that whenever you meet her professional friends they will quietly or not so quietly be thinking that she is dating below herself because that's what traditionally successful people think about all other people.

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Ugh, true.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

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She gets stressed when we plan on when we can see each other too. So we let things work themselves out

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idk, i think irieguy got it

if you can't get past this, it's not gonna work imo

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

hey italian, you sound like a great guy but to be honest, i can't say the same about the girl you are with. I think you are hearing words coming out of her mouth where she tells you how much she loves you... but i don't believe them becuase she is saying one thing, and then DOING SOMETHING ELSE entirely. she seems pretty crazy and the problem doesn't seem to be that she's a doctor or whatnot, she doesn't seem to like you nearly as much as you like her. granted i dont have much experience with girls but that is my read on the situation. gl.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

I think the problems have more to do with the type of person she is then the fact that she's a medical-student.
Somebody said this girl is crazy and I agree. That oil-change incident is nuts and she would behave in such a way regardless of her med-student status.

Yeah, she's going to have stress and long hours. I get that.
But I don't think your problems are necessarily universal to all people who date med-students. It's more her own personality and problems.

In short, I think you would have a lot of these exact same problems if she was an office-secretary or waitress or school-teacher.


About the whole "she's the one" thing:
There are other gals out there...and some that you WILL mesh with better or will treat you better.
I've been around the block a tad and am still something of a hopeless romantic and have been in and out of love more than once and also married and divorced.

Lost love and heartbreak suck. Especially when you're younger and perhaps less secure and/or experienced I think although I don't know if that's the case for you.
But if you can have confidence in yourself then you will be able to fall in love with someone new and great and you can learn from your mistakes.

It really sounds like your current relationship is not a healthy one AT ALL and even if you make it work and solve a couple of the problems now you are just going to have some repeating-pattern type things continue to happen probably for as long as you are with this person.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

The problem isn't that she's a med student, or going to be a doctor.
The problem seems to be that she's not capable of holding down a relationship and that she doesn't trust you.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

No seriously though IFX, come on down to Atlanta and we can talk about falling in love with med school girls who don't feel the same and giving them everything only to have them rip your heart out.

Since I have a feeling I'm a few months further along in the process than you I can tell you that it gets better. Especially once you really convince yourself that regardless of what happens you will never get back together with her. In a little bit it'll still suck to think about, but you'll be a lot better at not thinking about it. At least, until someone else starts a thread on the exact same topic. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

I am friends with a young couple who are a school-teacher and med-student respectively. He puts in those 24-hour+ shifts at his residency and he's really tired A LOT but their relationship just looks awesome to me and they strike me as one of the healthiest couples I have ever known. Such impressions can sometimes be inaccurate but they are so respectful of each other and seem to be so healthy that I can't help but try to emulate certain positive aspects of their relationship into my own relationship.

Conversely, some of the stuff about your girl just seem so damn disrespectful of you as a person. This girl has issues and I don't think there's an easy fix.


My GF is a nurse at a pretty busy hospital and her stress really gets to her sometimes. Kind of tough to go about other parts of the day when some patient who you were just talking to ends up dying unexpectedly and you spent however long trying to save them.
Most of the time though she just spends all day changing IV's and helping patients go to the bathroom and dealing with occasional wacky blood, vomit and feces situations and I have no idea how people actually get used to that.

It's not exactly the same pressure and stress as being a med-student or going through a residency...but the general stuff about high-stress and long, over-tiring shifts are at least somewhat similar.
But she doesn't treat me like that nor would I tolerate it if she did. There's just no reason or excuse for it.

The subject-line of your post implies that her med-student status is the crux of your relationship problems and I really don't think it is.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

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The subject-line of your post implies that her med-student status is the crux of your relationship problems and I really don't think it is.

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I agree with a good bit of this.

However, like Irieguy said and I responded to earlier the whole "looking down upon" thing is pretty noticeable, and I think it affects a non-doctor male dating a doctor female much more due to the whole male being the provider/protector thing.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

I can see how that can happen.
But I still think that's a personality flaw as much as anything else.
Some doctors are susceptible to such ego problems and others aren't.

My GF generally dislikes most doctors because so many give off the attitude of being borderline God. But some doctors are generally respectful of nurses and other people and do not give off such an attitude.

Some people are nuts...other people aren't. And it doesn't necessarily take med-school to make them one way or the other.

IFX's gal might not be quite so high-and-mighty if she did something other than medicine. But I suspect she would still look down on him somewhat similarly and they would still have problems.
Her relationship with her hyper-Mom and their argument about the oil-change and the fact that she seems to practically directly take after her REALLY says a lot imo.

Insisting that she change his oil for him and not even allowing him to do it how he directly stated he preferred probably has less to do with anything that med-school has done to her.
That type of stuff in her personality might be partly responsible for her going into med-school in the first place however.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

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A year later when I came home, three weeks after I got back, she broke up with me. I was devastated...

then all of a sudden she wrote to me on AIM and we got back together because she said, "we were never able to give it a chance."

... I paid for her plane ticket for a 2 week trip to California over the summer, and I've always been there for her no matter what.

Well, she is an only child. She can be stubborn sometimes, but she is always stressed. She says that if she can't put 100% into something, then she shouldn't do it at all.

She's busy. She started getting behind on her work because she never got a break, and since the stress is building, our relationship was the first to go. She is very selfish and always tries to blame other people for her stress when all she needs to do is calm down and relax, but she can't. She has trouble sleeping at night and of course, it's some external event like her neighbor, me, doors slamming, or the light coming into her window. She wears earplugs at night just so that she can't hear any noise.



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Well I had 3 girlfriends through medical school and 2 through residency, so I guess I can comment with some experience.

First, this girl is crazy.

Second, she is not going to be a neurosurgeon. Wearing earplugs when you sleep is one of those automatic disqualifiers from ultra-high level functioning. There aren't any neurosurgeons that use earplugs or eyemasks or "sounds of nature" CDs to sleep. They sleep standing up. So you can start by imagining how she is going to handle the "stress" of not doing as well as she wants to in medical school and having to change her mind about her specialty. She almost certainly won't end up in a surgical specialty and will almost certainly change specialties after her first year of residency (assuming she makes it through med school.)

I understand what it is like to fall for girls that are crazy or who generally suck. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier to lose them, but it IS important to eventually acknowledge the fact that you can never find sublime happiness if your S.O. is nuts.

To answer your general question, as a dude there aren't any explicit disadvantages to dating a med student or physician. As long as you are comfortable with the fact that whenever you meet her professional friends they will quietly or not so quietly be thinking that she is dating below herself because that's what traditionally successful people think about all other people.

Ah, I have to run to work... but that's the important stuff anyhow.

Irieguy

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I was going to say something in the tone of "it's not the occupation, it's her" so thanks for not making me look too negative [img]/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

Italian,

Your post title should read, "Disadvantages of Dating a High Maintanence chick." The med thing really has nothing to do with your problems here. If it wasn't the med thing it would be something else. She is extremely high maintanence which basicly translates to a life of pain. Do you want a life of pain?

Oh, and another thing. Based on what you've written, you've been bending over backwards to accomodate this chick. Big mistake. This justifies her behaviour and also devalues your own status in the relationship. At some point you need to put your foot down and be the man in the relationship. Otherwise they'll just walk all over you because they know that they can.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

Exactly. Her being a med student has nothing to do with it. If she really liked you, she'd put in the effort to make it work. It's just that simple. You need to judge her by her actions instead of her words. Women like this can be very manipulative. They'll sweet talk you when they're in need and make all the dumb excuses in the world when they're bored of you.

She contacted you after 2 years saying some b/s about never giving the relationship a chance. Now she's behaving the same way she did before. With a woman like her, don't trust her words anymore. Make your decision according to her actions.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

Make her move to Sweden and chill out. Med school's a piece of cake here, and ime doctor's rarely work more than 50 hrs/week unless in research or something. Pay sucks tho of course.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

Best of!

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She started getting behind on her work because she never got a break, and since the stress is building, our relationship was the first to go.

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She is very selfish and always tries to blame other people for her stress

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If I would talk to a girl and she found out, it would turn into a fiasco. But she can go through her days talking to guys all the time, in fact, her neighbor in the med school dorms is a guy from Philly and I'm not supposed to care at all.

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she felt like she had to accompany me as a guest

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She just likes to know that I'd be there when she wanted me to.


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After she broke up with me I asked her if she would have broken up with me if I transferred, and she said she would have. That sucked because she wanted me to transfer to be closer, yet if I would have, it would have been a mistake because I get 100% free tuition through the military where I go now.

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She openly admits that she didn't put me first.

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I think she wants to keep me around, but doesn't want the obligation to have to call me or worry about talking to me.

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Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

didnt read anything but the title and Im not sure if this has been mentioned, but when you bang a nurse (or elementry school teacher) for the first time, you will end up sick for like a week.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

[ QUOTE ]
Italian,

Your post title should read, "Disadvantages of Dating a High Maintanence chick." The med thing really has nothing to do with your problems here. If it wasn't the med thing it would be something else. She is extremely high maintanence which basicly translates to a life of pain. Do you want a life of pain?


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Just want to reiterate this, I'm dating a girl in Med School and she is nothing like this. Yeah she's busy, but so am I, and it works out.

Med school might help to bring out some of these characteristics in her,but the problem definitely lies deeper and should not be addressed as a "Med School" issue.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

Speaking from personal experience...It will only get worse. She will have no time for you. I have 10 close friends, 7 of which came into school dating. By the end of first year, only 2 remained. I would hardly call these relationships healthy. One was a 5 year long term, the other a short 1 year relationship. In both, there have been several rocky patches, and a few break up/get back together in under a week type situations. pathetic. You do not want this lifestyle. It's heartbreaking and depressing but when you choose to go into medicine, it's like a 2nd significant other. I can't say how 3rd/4th/residency is, but from everything I've heard, it doesn't get easier.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

Yeah, you guys are right. It all came crashing down when med school started because that is when the work started coming in. I started dating her again when she was working in a research lab. The problem was that she was living in a dump where her landlord, who was her roommate, was a bitch. It stressed her out so much that it was like the ONLY thing she talked about 24/7. Honestly, you couldn't go a day without her talking about how terrible it was for at least 20 minutes. When she'd go home, then her and her parents would talk about it for 30 minutes and I'd have to sit there thinking, "Come on, can't you talk about something better!?!?!?" I mean, it's like they reinforce their pessimistic negativity (is that a double negative?).

The thing that bothers me too is during her white coat ceremony, one of the doctors gave a speech and said something like, "it may not always be easy, but don't give up your relationships because they will be your biggest support." And that was what I was trying to be. I even mentioned it to her because if it came from another doctor, then it might as well have been from God himself. And I always said to her, "Nobody said it was going to be easy, but it doesn't have to be that hard."

The reason why she wants to be a doctor is because her dad was in a hanggliding accident several years ago and it screwed him up pretty badly. He has a lot of neurological problems, motor problems, and he has been in and out of the hospital. She has dealt with a few neurosurgeons and they always get the run around. She wants to go in and make the system better for her part.

She is high strung, most of the time, and high maintenance. She can be great most of the time, but it was like 1 week a month she would start questioning us and what she wanted and we'd argue constantly. She was always upset because I would never ask her to do anything and it was always her who made plans. Well, that was because I wanted to do what she wanted to do because it made me feel like she was happy doing what she wanted to do. And she said, "all I want is for you to ask me to do some things." So I worked on it. But I even said, "So I ask you to do some things and then it'll be something else that isn't right." It was a never ending cirle that you couldn't catch up with.

But like I said, when she could let loose and calm down and just be a best friend and girlfriend, she was the most amazing girl in the world and I knew that person was on the inside. I tried to get it out of her, but she wouldn't budge.

I can admit though that I knew that medical school was going to be hard on our relationship and I was afraid this was going to happen. I thought we could work through it and everything would be fine, but obviously it's not. I'm not sure what I wanted out of this, but I do know I just wanted to be with her and it didn't matter because I was content. I honestly was just happy knowing that she was mine and I was willing to go through hurdles to make it work. I have that flexibility to be able to bend over backwards for her and do what is right for her, but she was so ungrateful.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

Do you think med school hurts relationships the other way( guys with their girlfriends)

I think girls will put up with more from guys in med school with the hope they will get to marry a doctor one day.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

[ QUOTE ]
Do you think med school hurts relationships the other way( guys with their girlfriends)

I think girls will put up with more from guys in med school with the hope they will get to marry a doctor one day.

[/ QUOTE ]

Oh yes, that was one thing I wanted to mention in my post above that I had forgotten. I think girls will put up with it more because they feel like they will be taken care of. She has two friends, the guy is a 4th year med student, the girl is working in a research lab. They live together, but they are doing just fine. They also aren't high strung and bouncing off the walls either.

Her neighbor across the hall is a girl and she is originally from Ecuador. I can't remember where she lived at in the US, maybe like California or something. She is dating a guy, and last I heard they were doing just fine. They never see each other either, while my girl and I had the opportunity to see each other several times.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

FWIW, it seems like you became a cop because you have a special desire to help people in need (as many do), rather than because you enjoy power and control. It's possible that you are attracted to high maintence / needy girls for this reason.

I've observed this kind of dynamic in a lot of guys, and the problem is that the pit of need is often bottomless, which means even your most herculean efforts will be perceived as coming up short (so you get the worst of both worlds -- emotionally drained for a thankless cause).

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

You sound like you have some serious self-respect or self-worth problems. Even though it feels like you want this chick - if you could view things more objectively, you'd realize that you don't want anything to do with her. Even staying friends will just bring more pain. End it for good.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

[ QUOTE ]
You sound like you have some serious self-respect or self-worth problems. Even though it feels like you want this chick - if you could view things more objectively, you'd realize that you don't want anything to do with her. Even staying friends will just bring more pain. End it for good.

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I try to think objectively and that is when I feel that I'm better off. I think that is why I've been able to deal with it over the weekend. I also worked 28 hours straight and didn't have time to think about it. Now I have more free time that I'm back at school and it's just running through my mind constantly. Then I start thinking I want to get back together with her because it would take the hurt away.

I know just in the past 2 hours I've gone from caring to not caring about 10 times, knowing I'm probably better off, but wishing we were still together.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

Where does she go to med school? Some med schools actually aren't that intense because the grading system they use is pass/fail. And while passing classes is hard in med school, there is a difference between having to obtain a C or an A. If she is actually going to one of these pass/fail schools then she should have a decent amount of free time.

Re: Disadvantages of dating a doctor or med student...
 

They get grades, but their grading system is that they go off the mean of the class for pass/fail and honors. Honors is 2 Std. Dev. above the mean, fail is 2 Std. Dev. below. I believe that is what it is. She likes to put everything into studying, although she gets behind.

She does have more free time than she thought she would, but she also thinks she needs to use as much time as possible to study. She goes running, biking, and swimming alot, which helps her to stay focused and sleep at night.