Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

A trip report as it happens.

The stars remained hidden above murky ominous clouds as we head towards Vegas in our rented silver Ford Cobalt. I sat awake. I could never sleep on the way to Vegas; the promise of senseless gambling conjoined with cheap booze excited my blood like nothing else could. The requisite four hours passed quickly and by midnight we saw the first glimpse of the Vegas glow of the horizon. Half an hour later we pulled next to the Cancun hotel and resort.

Find a damn parking space, unload the luggage, shoot one off into the toilet — all part of the mundane ritual leading up to the reaaaal gamboling. It’s the same as pouring milk into the cereal; putting toothpaste onto your teeth, squeezing on the condom before sex: the duty before booty. It’s late and were in no mood to go clubbin’ with out twenty acquaintances who’ve all arrived hour earlier. So we eat. Pyramid café located at Luxor is our choice, because my friends are pretty indecisive. I had to choose so I chose. It sucks, don’t eat there. There should be a law against putting only two fking meatballs in a huge plate of spaghetti.

Anyway, my friends decide to catch a few zzz’s while I head to the poker room at Mandalay Bay at the mean time. Friends sleep, Toss gambols — you know the drill… if you read any of my previous TRs. 200 NL is the game, I buy-in full. Start off playing aggro 6-handed, and they get out of my way. First hand I get played back at I have A[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]Q[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] on a 6[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]K[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]6[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] board. 6 donkeys check to me and I fire $50 into a $75 pot. Asian ganstur with some hardcore tats minraises me and I call. He pushes arr-in on the turn and I muck because he talks too damn much. He shows 76o for trips. I’m down to $138 and I get all-in HU vs the SB for a race; I don’t improve and I loss. $18 left, I go all-in blind. White guy calls, his white friend minraises, and the first white guy reminraises LOL. Doesn’t it seem like every freakin’ donkey comes to the poker room in twos nowadays? So I triple the up when I suckout with runner runner straight. Next hand I straddle UTG and get 7 callers, so I push obviously. Armenian middle-aged guy calls because “someone gotta do it” and he wins with KQo vs my A9o. BUSTO! I hate poker so I taxi back to Cacun hotel

Gotta split, headed to the Vegas outlet. More sooner or later. With pictures!

P.S. I can see straight.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

better luck toss! i wish i was in vegas. get some good pictures man!

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

I am stuck here all week with nothing to do. Please take some good pics and post, especially pictures of hot, barely-clothed girls. I will vicariously live through you through your real time TRs. Please win so that I will not be depressed as I live vicariously through you. And please get some pussy, too.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

Cancun hotel and resort? I had to look it up.

Judging by some of the travel reviews, it should make for an entertaining TR.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

Gl next (non-table)game [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]. Don't waste time with those Mongoloid Bay nits.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

[ QUOTE ]
get some good pictures man!

[/ QUOTE ]

except for when you are squeezing one off in the toilet, don't post that photo.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

You're a TR maestro. Looking forward to the rest.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

What's the latest?

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

Dahahhahaha, Cancun Resort, hahahahaha - I used to work for Pacific Monarch Resorts or Monarch Grand Vacations, whatever the hell they are calling themselves these days. They used to send me out there and I refused to stay at that resort, it was dogshit (atleast when I was there ~2 yrs ago), and made them put me up at Mandalay Bay.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

Sorry the delay guys. Had no access to the internet for the rest of the trip. So starting where I left off...

The taxi has gone a minutes before I notice the mind-blowingly drunk hot girl sitting to my right. The ride goes something like this:

"Umm, who are you?"
"Hueeeeeeeeh heeeeeeeeu huaaaaaah?"
"Are you staying at the Cancun?"
"Hueeeeeh haaaaaah huaaaaagh!"
"Uhh, hey taxi driver who is this person?"
"Vat! You dount know 'er?! Vy dount you say et?!"
"Hey relax man I'll pay for her fare. So, where are staying?"
"Huaaaaaaah haaa aht lefht."

I give up and we arrive at the Cancun.

"Vy don't you take 'er to your room?"
"I'm not going to do that. Look, keep the change and take care of her alright?"

I leave feeling a bit sorry for the drunken girl and her uncertain fate. I stumble into the hotel room and quickly go to sleep.

The sun was dull the next day leaving the weather comfortable and cool. I head with one of my friends to the Sports Bar right in the middle of the Cancun resort. The decor is vaguely Carribean and decidedly plain, but that doesn't bother me too much as long as the booze is good. We take a seat at the bar and immediately decide on the special: the Watermelon Twist. It's slushy, it's green, and it certainly did not taste like watermelon. Best of all you drank it out of a plastic football-shaped cup. We watched the USC/Oregon game and drank this unexpectedly strong drink. I could tell because my friend's face was as red as koolaid within the first few sips. I order a refill a few minutes later and we head back to the hotel room for some Wii Sports action.

If you haven't played any Wii Sports before then you should. Preferably drunk. All you do is flail your arms like a madman to win. My arm-flailing capabilities increases greatly the drunker I am so I naturally take the first set in Wii Tennis.

http://img519.imageshack.us/img519/2815/wii1zm1.jpg

Here's a picture of me celebrating as I crush the competition. For some reason I'm wearing an air force suit. I suck down some more green slush to keep my drunk going and serve up some aces to easily take the second and third sets.

http://img519.imageshack.us/img519/9977/wii2ju5.jpg

I win the championship Wii-belt of the universe. Unfortunately I lose it shortly after I run out of drinks.

I must rest for now. Next part tomorrow.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

I would've taken the hot girl to my room with me, but that's just me.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

Nice to say, but then you've got a puking and/or passed out chick in your room. WTF do you do then? Push her into the hall?

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

Well, you can still rape her, right?

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

[ QUOTE ]
Well, you can still rape her, right?

[/ QUOTE ]
wow

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

sar-casm
noun
the use of irony to mock or convey contempt

Why no "wow" after this?
[ QUOTE ]
I would've taken the hot girl to my room with me, but that's just me.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

It's bad to drink on an empty stomach so we head over to the Vegas outlet to find some food and golf shoes. After getting a quick refill at the bar, we get into our rented Ford Cobalt and drive through the traffic-infested strip to get where we need to go. Something needs to be done with that traffic. My idea would be to take out the streets completely and replace them with people movers and escalators. Anyway, we find ourselves at the food court and I order something resembling chow mein and orange chicken... it was downright filthy. I could probably make better noodles by swallowing some flour, eggs, and laxatives then shtting out of a strainer. I end up eating every single bite (being drunk makes me less of a picky eater) and we head back to the hotel to take a quick nap.

Don't ever take a "quick nap" after drinking a lot. I felt sick sick. I somehow roll out of bed and crawl into the bathroom where I sat on the floor for a few minutes. Will I throw up or can I hold it in? Should I just hit the eject button or just run some cold water over my face? I decide throwing up would be a disgrace so I hold it down. No time to rest because theres a concert out the Mandalay Bay in thirty minutes.

One of my friends is a bit of a metal head so she's pretty stoked to be seeing Static X at the House of Blues (same place where I saw that Snakes on a Plane band a couple trip reports back). Needless to say, you really haven't heard a band until you've see them in concert. The music was loud enough to kill the old and the sick. Also, these guys knew hot to really work the stage and work up the crowd into a frenzy. By the end the crowd was slamming the [censored] outta each other and spewing $12 beers all over the place. They kept hitting us with one song right after another and only stopped to take some shots of tequila. Could safely say it was better than Cobra Starship -- make the comparison if you feel like it: Static-X The only vs Snaaaaaaakes.

http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/7306/staticxft7.jpg

Next part: Club Jet and Food 4 Less.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

I am never going to have tossed noodles again.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

[ QUOTE ]
Nice to say, but then you've got a puking and/or passed out chick in your room. WTF do you do then? PIIHB ?

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

you remain my hero Toss. And I'm sure I'm not alone.

Looking forward to the rest. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

way to not bang a hot drunk chick.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

The concert ended and it was time to hit the clubs; all we had to do was drive over to the TI and the Tangerine nightclub. Let me also mention that Halloween came early and there were plenty of hot chicks in sexy costumes walkin' around. There were sexy nurses, sexy schoolgirls, sexy witches, and even sexy brides walking around.

http://img98.imageshack.us/img98/361...asvegasuz4.jpg

My crappy sell phone camera ain't gonna cut it so I stole one off google images. Plus it's always better in person so go ahead and book a room for Wednesday.

As soon as we get through the doors of Treasure Island we get handed some free VIP passes to the Tangerine club there. What does this mean? It means the club is probably empty and it sucks. This is indeed the case as we run into the rest of the peoples as they were escaping from the club. So at this point it's either LAX at Luxor or Jet at the Mirage. We end up going to Jet, because there's no way in hell the guys will get into LAX.

Now usually I don't talk about the people I'm traveling too much, but this one guy is too interesting a character to keep silent on. Lets call him Jameson -- after his favorite drink. Jameson is a big fat Irish guy with red hair, likely an alcoholic, and likes to get into bar fights. I figured this all out when he calmly stated, "I'll cut anyone who'll fk with us" as he brandished a jack knife in his right hand while grasping onto a bottle of scotch in the other. "Hey man, you want a drink?" I too a swig of the fire water. When a man like that asks if you want a drink, you drink. Somehow he manages to get both the knife and the bottle of scotch past the bouncers and into the club.

The club is pretty much like every other club in Vegas. Dark, loud, and expensive. Unlike some other clubs it was packed, I mean people weren't dancing they were swaying side to side. To make things worse there were bouncers every 5 feet pushing the crowds aside with flashlights; probably looking for things like knives, bottles of scotch smuggled in, and/or drugs. I paid $30 cover for this? I somehow swim to the bar, wait half an hour to get served, and pay $15 for a Redbull Vodka. I swear... if the RBV wasn't strong I was going to get Jameson to do some cutting. Luckily it stripped the enamel of my teeth.

The best way to squeeze some utility out of the ridiculously high prices to dance, feel up on some chicks, or eye-fk the gogo-dancers as they shook their asses in their lingerie/thong outfits. Guess which one I did. I even took a picture for you people to see. Here it is:

http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/3660/club1hs0.jpg

OMG so hot.

More later...

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

I don't see nuthin'. What is it a picture of?

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

Alright, my friend came to the rescue and sent me some decent pictures. Enjoy!

http://img523.imageshack.us/img523/4777/jet1fd0.jpg

Continuing on with the story...

I head back to the bar for more ridiculously overpriced drink when I spot Jameson. He sees me and orders me some Jameson (the scotch he likes) straight. The bartender makes a faces that tells me I'm in for it and slides down two heavy tumblers of deep brown scotch. No ice, no fancy mixes, just Jameson. I smell it and feel the food try to escape from my stomach. "Take a sip and taste it", he says. I take a sip. Don't you dare spit it out don't you dare spit it out don'tyoudare doit don'tdon'tdon't swallow it. "How does it taste?", he asks. I tell him it has a certain bite and drink the rest. Don't know how I managed it but I did. He orders a second round right after I finished the first. "Put it in your hand like this." He cradled it in the palm of his hand. "You want the scotch to be a little warm if you're gonna drink it." I did as said. I hesitated ever so slightly as we both took down our second round. Don't throw up don't throw up for goodness sakes swallowit throwingup is a disgrace you'reno pssy take it down. At this point I knew I would be throwing up in the morning or the middle of the night. I ordered the third round.

The next few moments are fuzzy. We all leave the club and end up at the Venetian for some reason. We're at a cafe -- the Grand Lux in fact. The waiter asks for what I want. I decide it wouldn't be a good idea to drink anything or eat. Part of the group seems to be in a heated discussion. Jameson had cut the back of his neck with his own knife. Blood was gushing out was what one of them said. But Jameson was walking towards the table at that moment and he looked fine. I inconspicuously get out of my seat and peer at the back of his neck; barely bleeding at all. It looked like four long shaving cuts. Everyone was still freaked out though, so no one mentioned it at all. The meal proceeded as normal.

For some reason we're at the Food 4 Less next to the Cancun. Back to the original three people I went to Vegas with. We drunkenly carouse the isles for whatever catches out eyes; CapriSun, grape flavor of course; Nasty Frozen Buffalo strips; a big cheesy bag of doritos. We were set for one fine drunken meal.

http://img229.imageshack.us/img229/3246/banquetjl8.jpg

Is their a better food for when you're drunk? Please post if you know.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

If the big Irish guy with a knife wants to call Jameson a scotch that's fine with me but I want to hear more about this Ford Cobalt rental car.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

[ QUOTE ]
Is their a better food for when you're drunk? Please post if you know.

[/ QUOTE ]

Pizza is close. Maybe spaghetti and meatballs.

But buffalo wings are right up there at the top.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

[ QUOTE ]
Is their a better food for when you're drunk? Please post if you know.

[/ QUOTE ]

Deep fried twinkies and oreos ftw!

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

[ QUOTE ]
If the big Irish guy with a knife wants to call Jameson a scotch that's fine with me but I want to hear more about this Ford Cobalt rental car.

[/ QUOTE ]

Obvious to me that the Cobalt is a Chevy Cobalt.

I don't drink whiskey, but I believe Jameson is Irish Whiskey. Correct?

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

Fave line so far this TR:

"Somehow he manages to get both the knife and the bottle of scotch past the bouncers and into the club."

Classic!!! [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
If the big Irish guy with a knife wants to call Jameson a scotch that's fine with me but I want to hear more about this Ford Cobalt rental car.

[/ QUOTE ]

Obvious to me that the Cobalt is a Chevy Cobalt.

I don't drink whiskey, but I believe Jameson is Irish Whiskey. Correct?

[/ QUOTE ]

My mistake, he smuggled in a bottle of scotch, but the Jameson we had at the bar was whiskey.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

The sun is bright today. I feel nauseous, but not nearly so to throw up. We'd all like to sleep for another 12 or 13 hours, but checkout time is in 1 hour and we got to get packing. I'd also like to mention that grape caprisun is an excellent breakfast item after a heavy night of drinking. Filthy chicken strips not so much so. We drag all the junk to the car and drive that car to the Platinum hotel where the other people are staying at. Now I knew they were staying an expensive suite but this place was balling for the lack of a better word. Three different entrances, three bathrooms, plasma flat screens on every wall, and a view that kicked ass. It also seems they had one hell of a preparty.

http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/5600/partayqe6.jpg

Multiply this image by ten and you get the picture. Their checkout time is in a couple of hours so we take a seat and watch some TV. ESPN has a slider eating competition so we gross out on that for a while (Joey Chestnut is a beast). Harold and Kumar (I don't care what you say, this is a good movie) is on next and they eat some sliders. So naturally, I end up ordering some sliders when we get to the Cheesecake Factory. After a 2 hour wait in line. Lunch at the Wynn buffet would've have been so much more better. More pictures of food.

http://img67.imageshack.us/img67/2996/sliderlj0.jpg

Most of the people head back, but 6 or 7 of us are staying for another night at the TI. We get a room for $100 (they just give it away on Sunday) and they even upgrade to a suite for free. No $20 trick or anything, they just do it without even asking. Needless to say the room is pretty damn nice. Two huge bathrooms (no locks for some reason), a huge bed that sleeps like a cloud, two plasma flat screens, and a view of the Wynn golf course -- how do they keep the grass so damn green?

http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/8371/wynnwj2.jpg

We all went to sleep anywhere we could. The sofa, the inflatable bed, the floor, the jacuzzi. We woke up and none of us felt like doing [censored]. Tons of booze left over, but our livers are screaming. I drink some anyway and unfortunately is turns out to be Hypnotique. It seriously tastes like [censored] -- the Jameson was heavenly compared to this blue pisswater. To console my aching stomach I head down towards the casino for some much needed regenerative gambling.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

2/4 Limit Poker? Hell no. Casino War? Forget that. $5 BRRAAAACKJAAAAACK? Hell fkin yes! Me and my buddy lock the first two seats and immediately order some cocktails. Here's how the session went:

First hour: I toss my buddy 5 red chips and he builds it up to $100 in no time; he hasn't played BJ much before, so I tell him what to do. I also make the monies and adopt a heavy tipping strategy: $1 for every BJ, every time the dealer busts with 4+ cards, and everytime I get a 6/5 when I hit 15/16. The dealer is happy.

Second hour: We start tipping more to the cocktail waitress to bring drinks faster. We start breakin' even and I ask for they get comped for a cigar to they actually oblige! Too bad it's probably made up of old coffee grounds and pubic hair. Some older guys sit down in the other seats...

Third hour: Me and my friends are shtfaced. The white russians I've been ordering taste suspiciously like cold coffee creamer. I switch up to Newcastles because you can't water that [censored] down. Meanwhile the older guys are hitting with 16 versus the dealers 6 and taking all the bust cards. My friend mad dogs them until they leave. The dealer starts busting again! I yell out THATSA TOO MANY! every time the dealer busts.

Fourth hour: My friends start to yell out thatsa too many. Cocktails are coming slooooow. We come to the conclusion that the waitress is servicing four casinos tonight. I bust and get 5 red chips from my friend. My friend busts I give some back. This happens a few times until we both bust. Rebuy!

Fifth hour: I get up and go to bathroom but sit back down when I see the cocktail waitress. Missing her would be like missing the lunar eclipse. I ask the dealer to say THATSA TOO MANY every time he busts, but he only sheepishly says itsa too much. I bust again and we finally end up leaving. End result: negato 40BB/5hours, but positive 10 drinks and cheapass C-gar. Oh, and plus the memories.

I entered the room pretty thinking about how I created another BJ degen. Oh well, the more the merrier. I climb into the soft warm bed and close my eyes. Another trip, another thousand gone. As I nearly fell asleep I made a resolve to run as hot as the sun the next time I came here to Vegas. Then I slept.

Thanks for reading.

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

[ QUOTE ]
I yell out THATSA TOO MANY! every time the dealer busts.

[/ QUOTE ]

Classic.


[ QUOTE ]
I bust again and we finally end up leaving. End result: negato 40BB/5hours, but positive 10 drinks and cheapass C-gar. Oh, and plus the memories.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dang. Who could've foreseen that?

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

Good report as always, but get a new phone/camera [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Re: Toss Vegas TR -- Real Time Edition
 

toss,

excellent report. I sooo want to just hop on a plane now and head for vegas. Maybe AC will suffice for the weekend.