Optimal number of friends
 

Everyone has some finite amount of time during the day and limits to which they can tolerate other people (i.e. a general amount of time they need alone). I think I can handle about 3-4 good friends at any time, by which I mean the number of people I'm in weekly contact either by phone or in person. This is the high number. When I was 25 the number was about double. I suspect in another 10 years the number will contract slightly.

A couple clarifications. I generally do not consider people at work friends and I make a conscious effort to keep work time distinct from social time. There are a wider set of friends--7 or 8--where I can pick up with them after months of hiatus what seems like zero friendship degradation.

I feel like I have serious hermit-like tendencies, so I'm curious what other people have as their number of near-daily friends.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

Some people need dozens of friends to say "Hey look at me, I'm popular!" But not me, I'm very picky. I need three, maybe two.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

My responses are pretty similar. When I was younger, I think I felt a lot more need for the social validation, but acquiring a serious girlfriend eased a lot of that. These days, I have pretty much 2 guys that I hang out with a ton (one of them I live with), my fiancee, and that's most of it. There's obviously a wider circle of acquaintances that I'm happy to see at parties and whatnot, but I don't tend to have very regular contact with those people, nor are the relationships terribly deep.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

Its speaks volumes about istewert/gumpzilla that you guys think that friends are about social validation, or for people to think you are popular.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

I would say 2-3 would be optimal, with the understanding that "friend" means you are genuinely interested in their well-being. Over the past couple of years, 3 of my closest friends and I have tapered off the frequency of contact due to life and distance. I have one best friend locally that I am in contact with everyday.

I think it's natural that your circle shrinks as you get older and priorities and interests (for all concerned) shift. I think you are also more tolerant of certain idiosyncrasies when young and without much responsibility. When you are holding down a marriage, parenthood, paying bills, etc. you start culling the 24/7 clowny fun-guy types.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

I thought their point was that other people required friends for social validation. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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Its speaks volumes about istewert/gumpzilla that you guys think that friends are about social validation, or for people to think you are popular.

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Just as it speaks volumes about you that you decide to be a dick about it, particularly without looking at the context. If I were to go solely based on your posts, your friends appear to be there for sexual exploitation or to help you make money.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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Its speaks volumes about istewert/gumpzilla that you guys think that friends are about social validation, or for people to think you are popular.

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1. I think a blind and deaf baby that grew up with wolves in Siberia and had no hands or feet could level you, guids.

2.

http://img99.imageshack.us/img99/3400/scottad4.jpg

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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Its speaks volumes about istewert/gumpzilla that you guys think that friends are about social validation, or for people to think you are popular.

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Just as it speaks volumes about you that you decide to be a dick about it, particularly without looking at the context. If I were to go solely based on your posts, your friends appear to be there for sexual exploitation or to help you make money.

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I didnt mean to be a dick about it, but you said

"I think I felt a lot more need for the social validation, but acquiring a serious girlfriend eased a lot of that. "



whats taken out of context? when you were younger one of the main reasons you had friends was to validate yourself socially, correct? If I took something wrong, I apologize. Ive never felt this way, so maybe I dont understand it, but my friends are my friends because I enjoy their company, and I assume they enjoy mine. Its fun to be around your friends, I just assumed thats why everyone had them.

and maybe Im reading to far into it, but when I say "it speaks volumes", to me, it just means that you werent the most confident guy, possible not to socially adept, etc. It "speaks volumes" becuase it gives me a bunch of clues as to how you are/were in regards to social situations.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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I thought their point was that other people required friends for social validation. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

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It was istewerts point, but not gumps.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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whats taken out of context? when you were younger one of the main reasons you had friends was to validate yourself socially, correct? If I took something wrong, I apologize. Ive never felt this way, so maybe I dont understand it, but my friends are my friends because I enjoy their company, and I assume they enjoy mine. Its fun to be around your friends, I just assumed thats why everyone had them.

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Yes, it is fun to be around them, and of course that is the point. However, one can certainly be more or less active in going out and trying to solicit new friendships. These days, I'm not going out of my way at all to try and make new friends, and so it doesn't happen very often. When I was younger, and just starting college in a new setting where I didn't know anybody, I felt a lot more urge to try and have many friends. At the time, it sort of seemed like the thing to do. A few months later, I found myself having settled down into a niche where I had a couple of good friends, and a large number of people I knew casually and socially, which was fine by me, and then settled down into my current pattern of not really pushing it. (EDIT: Also, I was getting laid steadily, which obviously was part of it.) That's more what I meant.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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whats taken out of context? when you were younger one of the main reasons you had friends was to validate yourself socially, correct? If I took something wrong, I apologize. Ive never felt this way, so maybe I dont understand it, but my friends are my friends because I enjoy their company, and I assume they enjoy mine. Its fun to be around your friends, I just assumed thats why everyone had them.

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Yes, it is fun to be around them, and of course that is the point. However, one can certainly be more or less active in going out and trying to solicit new friendships. These days, I'm not going out of my way at all to try and make new friends, and so it doesn't happen very often. When I was younger, and just starting college in a new setting where I didn't know anybody, I felt a lot more urge to try and have many friends. At the time, it sort of seemed like the thing to do. A few months later, I found myself having settled down into a niche where I had a couple of good friends, and a large number of people I knew casually and socially, which was fine by me, and then settled down into my current pattern of not really pushing it. (EDIT: Also, I was getting laid steadily, which obviously was part of it.) That's more what I meant.

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This may hae been what you meant, but it is most def not what you wrote. To me what your other posts said was "I have friends, only so I feel that Im not a social pariah", what you just wrote changes a lot of things.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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I thought their point was that other people required friends for social validation. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

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It was istewerts point, but not gumps.

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it was michael scott's point.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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This may hae been what you meant, but it is most def not what you wrote. To me what your other posts said was "I have friends, only so I feel that Im not a social pariah", what you just wrote changes a lot of things.

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Much like your second paragraph was quite a bit different in tone from what you initially wrote, no? I can't blame you for not understanding what I meant, but a response more like your second one - asking for clarification, basically - is a hell of a lot better than your first post, which I took as a "[censored] you."

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

I have no friends, none at all. Certainly not optimal but it's not terrible (for me) either.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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This may hae been what you meant, but it is most def not what you wrote. To me what your other posts said was "I have friends, only so I feel that Im not a social pariah", what you just wrote changes a lot of things.

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Much like your second paragraph was quite a bit different in tone from what you initially wrote, no? I can't blame you for not understanding what I meant, but a response more like your second one - asking for clarification, basically - is a hell of a lot better than your first post, which I took as a "[censored] you."

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I didnt really mean to be a dick, and it wasnt a [censored] you necessarily, but it was def a "thats a [censored] attitude to have in regards to friends"

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

A couple years ago I had 6 friends that I was super super tight with and did everything with. That's a really high number for me. Now it's 2 or 3 at a time. I can't imagine having a number like, say, 10.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

I have 8, but one of them lives several states away and another in a different continent. So 6 that I hang out with at least semi-regularly. I don't consider myself especially social either.

2 or 3 seems low to me, but maybe I'm still young.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

quids, I might be wrong, but you strike me as the high end. Can you provide a number for reference?

A big reason for this is that I feel like I enjoy being alone much more than most people and I'm trying to verify.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

I'm 25 and I love having a large number of friends. I like being able to hang out with a large group of people. Unfortunatly I just moved to a new city, so I don't know anyone here, but I've always enjoyed hanging out in big groups of people.

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I feel bad when I dont call/contact my friends. I have too many.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

I'm 25. I have 3 friends I'm tight with and keep in contact with regularly. Then there's another 3-4 that I'm not very tight with, but I make it a point to see them when I'm in town or email/call them once every couple of months. That's it.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

EV of friends(number of friends = X) = -1.96X^2+20.4X+44.3


Ill let you take it from there

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

1

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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EV of friends(number of friends = X) = 1.96X^2-20.4X+44.3


Ill let you take it from there

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Isn't this upside-down?

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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EV of friends(number of friends = X) = 1.96X^2-20.4X+44.3


Ill let you take it from there

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Isn't this upside-down?

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yep... meant to have a (-) on the first term and a (+) on the second. ty

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

2+2 takes the place of half a friend for every thousand posts.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

I remember my middle school English teacher once told our class that people generally have 2-3 really close friend later in life - I thought she was insane but turns out, she's pretty close to being correct.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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2+2 takes the place of half a friend for every thousand posts.

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Does this include posts across all a user's accounts, or just their primary one?

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

wow, some of the 1st few posts here are kinda shocking to me. Of course I have 3 to 5 very very close friends, and 1 BEST friend aside from my boyfriend, but then tons of "regular" friends. I dont see anything wrong with this, its not a need to be popular nor a need for validation. I know who I am as a person and with the way I am i interact with a lot of people, and choose to keep in touch with the majority fo them. Ive been out of high school almost 10 years and still talk to or see over about 200 people at least once a year that I went to HS with, and there is a good 30 of them I see almost monthly and talk to even more, and thats "just" HS. There has obviously been a lot of time since then so I have made a large number of "friends" since then, that I still interact with frequently. My reasons for having a large number of friends is not for what most of you here would attack it for, since it seems many of you dont possesses a lot of friends. I enjoy having them because I do a wide variety of activities and travel, and there are certain groups that like to do certain things or that i met through doing certain things (wakeboarding, horse back riding, hiking, snowboarding, vacationing, etc.) I have even kept in touch with people I met in Central America that were from Australia and England and have met up with them in Europe since. Also a girl I met in South Africa that was from California has asked me to join her on a trip to Rio soon. I maintain friendships because I enjoy the people and doing certain things with them, not because it makes me feel a certain way about myself. I know who I am and none of these people change that in me, and most people I meet adore me for the person I am (this is not being conceited, Im being serious, and go ahead and attack it, if you knew me you would understand what I meant and I dont have time to defend it nor explain it right now). Having a lot of friends doesnt make you fake, and it doesnt make the "few" closer to you any less geniuine, but I see no problem with have a large number of friends - on the contrary I think its healthy and very well rounded. I think having a small number of human interactions limits you as a person and smoothers your own personal growth and self awareness. I have learned a lot from the number of friends Ive had or still have over the years, about myself and about life. Having the friends I do make me a better person and also stimulate my hyper personality haha I would be an extremely bored person if things were any other way (which is prevalent from how my life is currently because of my situation).

Let the attack peach comments commence....

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

I need a high number of friends to support my alcoholism.
I don't enjoy drinking alone so I need to be sure that there is at least one person available at any given hour of the week to knock back a few cold ones.

I also enjoy the social validation of having lots of attractive girls in my friend group. They are also nice to look at and every once in a while...

These are all good people that I genuinely like and care about. The problem is that I need more than a healthy dose of alone time so I often end up ignoring my cell phone.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

peachy,

my only hate is for your lack of paragraphs.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

2-3 real close friends and 2-3 good friends

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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quids, I might be wrong, but you strike me as the high end. Can you provide a number for reference?

A big reason for this is that I feel like I enjoy being alone much more than most people and I'm trying to verify.

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You were feeling like a hermit, so you came to their mecca to find out if you're really that bad?

With 3 friends you will be ahead of the game on this board.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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wow, some of the 1st few posts here are kinda shocking to me. Of course I have 3 to 5 very very close friends, and 1 BEST friend aside from my boyfriend, but then tons of "regular" friends.

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FYP

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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quids, I might be wrong, but you strike me as the high end. Can you provide a number for reference?

A big reason for this is that I feel like I enjoy being alone much more than most people and I'm trying to verify.

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I grew up w/ 5 really good friends, we are all within about the same age range, and have hung out since I was old enough to hang out in our neighborhood. One of them I hang out with daily, one is away at law school, one is married (so I dont see him much), one is in the navy, and one is super busy at some investment firm, we all email/text probably on a weekly basis, I consider these guys my best friends as any one of us would take a bullet for eachother. I also have 2 best friends that I met at my first job about 10 years ago that I hang out on w/ pretty much everyday (some of my original friends also worked with us). So basically I have about 7 very very good friends that Id go out of my way for in any situation and vice versa (need a place to stay for a month? no problem, need to jump a guy thats messing with your gf? great, Im in...need help moving? what time?), and see 3 or them on a daily basis, I wouldnt consider these guys just "friends" though, they are like family. And then basically us 7 guys have made friends over the years, that we have brought into the "group", so I have about 15 to 20 guys that, while I wouldnt necessarily take a bullet for, or let them take advantage of me, I consider them friends, and probably see once a week. Than I also have a group of guys that I party/drink/hit the strip clubs up with, we have a good time, but its very superficial, nice guys, but no loyalty.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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peachy,

my only hate is for your lack of paragraphs.

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sorry [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] was on a few tables, im sure there are a ton of misspellings too. forgive me!!!

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

[ QUOTE ]
EV of friends(number of friends = X) = -1.96X^2+20.4X+44.3


Ill let you take it from there

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It's as if you're doing problem sets on second order non-linear fitting and your goggles are permanently tinted.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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quids, I might be wrong, but you strike me as the high end. Can you provide a number for reference?

A big reason for this is that I feel like I enjoy being alone much more than most people and I'm trying to verify.

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I grew up w/ 5 really good friends, we are all within about the same age range, and have hung out since I was old enough to hang out in our neighborhood. One of them I hang out with daily, one is away at law school, one is married (so I dont see him much), one is in the navy, and one is super busy at some investment firm, we all email/text probably on a weekly basis, I consider these guys my best friends as any one of us would take a bullet for eachother. I also have 2 best friends that I met at my first job about 10 years ago that I hang out on w/ pretty much everyday (some of my original friends also worked with us). So basically I have about 7 very very good friends that Id go out of my way for in any situation and vice versa (need a place to stay for a month? no problem, need to jump a guy thats messing with your gf? great, Im in...need help moving? what time?), and see 3 or them on a daily basis, I wouldnt consider these guys just "friends" though, they are like family. And then basically us 7 guys have made friends over the years, that we have brought into the "group", so I have about 15 to 20 guys that, while I wouldnt necessarily take a bullet for, or let them take advantage of me, I consider them friends, and probably see once a week. Than I also have a group of guys that I party/drink/hit the strip clubs up with, we have a good time, but its very superficial, nice guys, but no loyalty.

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Sure, I've got like 8 people like that too, but we're not in regular contact. I think shared history is different. I'm talking about time in your life and a willingness to devote that time specific to a group of people constantly, if that makes sense.

Re: Optimal number of friends
 

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quids, I might be wrong, but you strike me as the high end. Can you provide a number for reference?

A big reason for this is that I feel like I enjoy being alone much more than most people and I'm trying to verify.

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You were feeling like a hermit, so you came to their mecca to find out if you're really that bad?

With 3 friends you will be ahead of the game on this board.

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I am a hermit. I flew to NY this weekend and spent it alone with the exception of bagels and coffee with a college buddy this morning. I spent more time with a salesman at Barney's than I did with people I know here.