Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

One of my personal favorites was when someone gets argumentative about your play on a winning hand, you can reply "Shhhh...I'm stacking your chips" ... lol

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

The best I can remember:

Player 1 : "ZZZZZZZZZZZ"

Player 2 : "try coffee"

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

[ QUOTE ]
One of my personal favorites was when someone gets argumentative about your play on a winning hand, you can reply "Shhhh...I'm stacking your chips" ... lol

[/ QUOTE ]

Board: KKQJx
Player 1: KQo
Player 2: A9s

Player 2: "WTF? How did I lose with the nine-to-ace straight??? I hate Party."

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

Someone having the worst hand on every street, then it going to showdown and they complain that you outdrew them. You peek at the hand history and laugh.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

"Dude, without a doubt, xxxxx is a bot. Look at him, he only plays like, a fourth of his hands."

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

“I got nuttin but game, and you are scared”

“I’m your daddy and you know it”

“You want a piece of me… or your ego? The choice is yours…1k Freeze out, or hang your head in shame”

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

One of the funniest things I ever heard was during an argument between some guy from Austin and another from England.

The guy from Austin actually said..."you think you can outplay me? This game is called TEXAS Hold 'em, I'm FROM TEXAS BUDDY!"

LOL so am I, and was ashamed to admit it that morning.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

One player at the table was juicyv_gina. Ejeculator says "hey, juicy, we should get together, it'd be quite a mess"

I hadn't noticed either of their names, but when I did, I laughed pretty good.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

Happened today.

After a guy bullyied a player out of a pot he said "I play like a hooker from Berlin. Loose and aggressive." ... [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

"i'd beat you up in real life for that call" after i win calling with Q high.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

NM333: HEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAW
NM333: that's donkey for rebuy

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

I took a brief stint at shorthanded $25 nlhe, and was playing a very LAGgy game. my opponent has like $6 left, and I put him in on the turn. he calls.

Board : 6429

my hand: A6
my opponents hand: T4

opponent:that's a lot of betting for a pair of 6's
me :that's a lot of calling for a pair of 4's

sort of a self-glorifying post, but probably the best banter I've had in the chat box

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

The funniest thing I heard today was after goofing around in a heads-up NL match for those worthless UB points. Neither of us had connection problems or used the chat. We played each other silently until I busted him for the second time. Then, out of nowhere, he blurted:

[ QUOTE ]
I AM REPORTING YOU

[/ QUOTE ]

[img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

Some fish tripled up early in a SNG and was playing like a nut. Eventually I got most of his chips and we were talking smack to eachother. He got so angry that he gave me his buddies name and phone number in my city (Anchorage, AK) so I could call him and "have him kick my ass". I'm sure he has no idea I'm a woman and I'm dying to call the guy up and tell him his buddy is promising he'll beat up local women [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

(2 players in the hand)
BB goes all in.
CO calls.

BB shows his wonderful nuts.
CO shows dogshit cards.

I ask of CO: "Why'd you call his all-in with nothing?"

CO: "I had position."

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

Well this is from live play... but this guy was one of the funnier table coaches I've ever seen. Sorry it got really long.

A guy comes in and sits next to me on my right. He looked like he was 22-27 and he had obviously been doing some drinking. The 4-8 game is just about to begin so everybody is buying chips. I buy in for 200, and the guy to my right buys in for the minimum of 40. As I was de-racking my chips, he said to me, "Save those racks for me, I'll need them soon." It was immediately apparant to me that this guy would be the "table coach." What also soon became clear was that he was an absolutely horrible player. The first hand I play I had AK. The guy to my right, along with an old asian guy who only raised if he had it were in the hand with me. The board was broadway, king high. I bet the flop they both called. The turn was a 9, and I bet again. Old asian guy calls, and the guy sitting on my right began his staredown. He stared at me for about 30 seconds and folded his hand dramatically while still staring me down. I bet the river, old asian guy raised, and I mucked my hand. The guy on my right says to me, "I knew you didn't have [censored]."

After that he decided that I was his student and he would share all of his poker knowledge with me. He explained to me, while slurring, that there is some luck involved in poker, but mostly you just play the players. He also told me that you have to show no emotion. Throughout the night he waiting about 20 seconds to act preflop, and after the flop. He would bluff often. He told me that I should only raise with crap hands, because my opponents will think I have a big pair. He capped the flop multiple times, then went into stare down mode on the turn and folded. The first two hands he played he check raised the flop with no pair no draw, got three bet, and ended up going backdoor for the nut straight.

Later on in the night he took a flop of 72A rainbow. He did his usual check raise, got 3 bet, and this time he capped it. He bet out on the turn, which was an 8, got raised, and called. The river brought a K, and he open folded face up showing an offsuit 105. A player to my left asked what we all wanted to ask him, "What the hell were you raising with on the flop?" The guy on my right says, "Open end straight draw." to which the other player says, "Thats a funny looking open end straight draw."
Despite being berated, the guy on my right continued check raise bluffing until he ran out of money.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

I was playing on a Euro tables against several european players (based on thier locations and the languages used in chat). I 3 bet a guy on the flop with something like TPTK, and one of the other players at the table said "The american resists". It made me laugh.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

[ QUOTE ]
(2 players in the hand)
BB goes all in.
CO calls.

BB shows his wonderful nuts.
CO shows dogshit cards.

I ask of CO: "Why'd you call his all-in with nothing?"

CO: "I had position."

[/ QUOTE ]

My wife is wondering why I just stated laughing. I like that one.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
(2 players in the hand)
BB goes all in.
CO calls.

BB shows his wonderful nuts.
CO shows dogshit cards.

I ask of CO: "Why'd you call his all-in with nothing?"

CO: "I had position."

[/ QUOTE ]

My wife is wondering why I just stated laughing. I like that one.

[/ QUOTE ]

Would've been better if he said he had fold equity.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

My friend and I are playing in AC, he bets the flop and gets check-raised. He looks at the guy and says "ah, the serpent awakens" in a fairly good Sean Connery impression.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

I was playing a good player HU at an empty 6m table on Absolute while we waited for it to fill.

Once we had 5 or so, one of the new players got upset after my HU opponent made his/her straight on the river.

New player: All that betting.
NP: Sucked out on the river.
NP: Fish, betting with nothing.

And more along those lines. Other player said something like: "I love it when you talk sweet to me."

Unfortunately, it backfired. The table coach left. And he was really bad at poker, too. [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

I was helping my newbie cousin out by co-observing a no-limit shorthanded $25 table he was playing at. The game was just horrible to watch.

Pot is ~$15 on the flop. Player 1 goes all in for ~$25 with two pair. Player 2 has him covered and calls with a gutshot and hits on the turn.

Player 1: "Good call..."
Player 2: "Thx. I had to call because of the pot odds."

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

Wow, that stacking your chips line is pretty funny!

Here's a somewhat entertaining dialogue after one guy check quad aces down to the river, and I walked into a royal flush. I especially like the 3rd party commentary:

Villain 1: XXXX me you can't even slowplay quad aces around here
me: you did have quads, huh?
Villain 1: yes, quad aces
me: thats a horrible beat
Villain 2: not as bad as one i saw in holdem once live
Villain 1: one for the files [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
Villain 2: quad aces lost to Q 3 offsuit, live poker is rigged
Villain 2: dude made a straight flush wheel with the 3
Villain 1: lol
me: unreal

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

The funniest thing I ever heard while playing was my 11 year old sone calling me a donkey after I bet a flopped set into a fourflush on the river.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

[ QUOTE ]
The funniest thing I ever heard while playing was my 11 year old sone calling me a donkey after I bet a flopped set into a fourflush on the river.

[/ QUOTE ]

Never too early to start 'em.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

[ QUOTE ]

The funniest thing I ever heard while playing was my 11 year old sone calling me a donkey after I bet a flopped set into a fourflush on the river.

[/ QUOTE ]


Sounds like your kid should have an online poker account.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

I fold like a hooker that got punched in the stomach

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

This was at 5/10 stud tables. A guy sits down and gets dealt his first hand. He says "why are all of my cards face up?". No one answers him, and the second hand is dealt. He says "I'm new to this - can someone tell me why are all my cards face up?!!!!!!!!!"

I had pity and explained to him that only he could see his down cards. Then the rest of the table started up and started telling him that I was lying and that we really could see his cards. He took off after a few more hands of everyone telling him to fold or call because they could see his cards.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

Playing live in Blackhawk, CO. Table coach in the 3 seat players EVERY SINGLE HAND, then complains about getting beat. After a guy in the 8 seat takes another pot off of him, the table coach says demeaningly, "That is a lucky seat you are in my friend. A lucky seat." The 8 seat says: "Okay, if you will give me $10 bucks, I'll switch seats with you." The table coach shut up for a few minutes after that.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

Guy who has been losing> Man I've been get reamed up the keister all night.

Other guy> And you took a break to play poker??

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

A friend linked me this while I was playing online.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

Was playing a SnG and one of the guys had the Nickname "Maverick". From the word go we had Top Gun quotes flying in. Even when guys had been eliminated they stuck around to put more Top Gun stuff onto the Chat. Hilarious.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Guy who has been losing> Man I've been get reamed up the keister all night.

Other guy> And you took a break to play poker??

[/ QUOTE ]

Priceless [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

Player 1 calls 3bb raise with KQ suited. Flop KQ4. Player 2 goes all-in another 25bb. Player 1 uses his timer before calling. Player 2 shows A7os. Turn A. River 4.

Player 1: "Good play"
Player 2: "TY"
Player 3: "Are you serious?"
Player 1: "Yeah, he knew the ace and the four were coming."
Player 1: "THAT'S good poker..."

great line in live game
 

My 2 roommates and I are playing in a home game. They have a history of going at it head-to-head, and the following ensued:

Both players are fairly short-stacked in a tournament style game.

Preflop:
Josh raises to 5x BB
Keith calls

Flop:
A 5 2

Josh pushes all-in
Keith calls

Josh shows AK
Keith shows 52o and wins with two pair.

The quote?

Josh: "How the hell can you call a preflop raise like that with 52o?"

Keith: "Because God loves me and hates you."

funnies online and live
 

Funniest live game: I was dealing a home game with some married friends. One married couple featured a wife who was hitting every hand in sight and her husband who had to borrow several times from her. During a hand, her husband was heads-up against another guy.

Husband (apparently liking his hand, to wife): Gimme some of your chips.
Me: Sorry, you can’t borrow chips during a hand.
Husband: Why?
Wife: Because you’re going to lose AGAIN, that’s why!
Husband: What if you play my cards for me?
Wife: Just because you slap butter on s###, don’t make it biscuits.

He lost the hand, set against flush.

Funniest online:
Some guy: "Man, I can't hit a flop to save my life."
Me (being a punk): "Why don't you check the 'hit flops' option at the bottom of the screen?"
Some guy: "Is that why I'm losing? Can you describe where it is?"

ScottieK

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Guy who has been losing> Man I've been get reamed up the keister all night.

Other guy> And you took a break to play poker??

[/ QUOTE ]

WINNAR!

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

some guy raking in a huge pot in which he flopped the nuts and i was no part of:

me: nice nuts


and then I proceeded to giggle to myself for another few minutes about my comment. I guess this is funny cause I'm a girl. He never said anything back [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

This isn't the funniest but last night I said this to a guy who was berating a fish who sucked out on him:

Fishberater: Calling a raise with 69o, yea that's a good strategy
Me: Hey, i hear stfu is a good strategy.

Surprisingly, he stfu.

Re: Funniest thing you\'ve heard while playing online.
 

[ QUOTE ]
I took a brief stint at shorthanded $25 nlhe, and was playing a very LAGgy game. my opponent has like $6 left, and I put him in on the turn. he calls.

Board : 6429

my hand: A6
my opponents hand: T4

opponent:that's a lot of betting for a pair of 6's
me :that's a lot of calling for a pair of 4's

sort of a self-glorifying post, but probably the best banter I've had in the chat box

[/ QUOTE ]

I had something similar happen today. The guy to my right was losing a lot of cash, was pretty short stacked, and I thought a bit on tilt when it was folded to us in the blinds. He calls and I raise with A5o and I get the feeling like he's ready to take this hand to the felt no matter what comes on the flop. Flop comes TT4, so I bet, he CR, I 3-bet, he caps, I call and then put him all in on the turn. He flips up K7o and MHIG. He then berates me for capping with Ace high.