How do you handle this fine line??
 

every night, my girlfriend comes home, and immediately starts talking (complaining) about her job. it drives me up a wall, because i have long days too, yet choose not to bother her with the details. however, i do like to be left alone for an hour to decompress..

anyway, i've learned to nod my head, and occassionally chuckle at her boring stories about everyone at her school.

my question, and problem, is this...

how do i act interested enough to get her to not bitch that i'm not paying attention, yet not enough for her to think that i really AM interested, and for her to expand her stories to an hour or more??

it's a fine line, and i'm interested to know how other boyfriends/husbands deal with this...

case in point: about 5 minutes into her gripes, i chuckled (half-heartedly) at something about her boss. i meant it to show her that i was paying attention (i wasn't, and actually wasn't even sure that it was the right time to laugh), but she took it to mean that i wanted more...'haha..yeah, you know, lemme tell you something ELSE!'..

ugh.

anyhow, any tips? i know it isn't the biggest gripe in the world, but at 5pm, after being home 10 minutes and enduring 4 classes of adhd/autistic/asperger's students all day long, the last thing i want to do is hear another teacher gripe about her long day...

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

Make some joke about her getting a blog. She'll love that.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

you are already [censored], w/ your next gf start from teh beginning by letting her know you dont care or have time for this crap.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
you are already [censored], w/ your next gf start from teh beginning by letting her know you dont care or have time for this crap.

[/ QUOTE ]

he speaks the truth

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

A certain amount of this is part of the bargain, but if you're going to be together for a long time you're going to need to tell her to shut the [censored] up occasionally. My wife can talk a blue streak, and early in our relationship I decided that if I couldn't be honest with her about my need for silence sometimes it just wasn't going to work out.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

a) she already writes in a notebook daily.

b) i probably am already [censored], as we're already past the 3 year mark.

c) she's italian, which means a vicious temper and mean streak. i certainly have cut her off and told her that i'd listen later or something, but that i just can't take it right now, but that usually ends up being -ev...

thing is, it sometimes feels like she's yelling at ME, when she's bitching about people at work. it just has that same tone, and it truly drives me up a wall.

however, if i bring it up, she stomps off and i have to grovel, and then STILL END UP LISTENING TO HER STORIES about people i've never met.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

say bitch stfu or ill slap you in the face with my [censored]. i find that girls stop talking to me after that

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

say that to my girlfriend, and see what happens.

you've apparently never dated a full-blooded italian.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

ok, from the female perspective...**i DO know to leave men alone at times**
BUT women need to talk- so you're gonna have to listen at some point...maybe just say you have a headache e/o day and decompress in the bedroom. Your job sounds more difficult than most. Major props to helping the kids w/special need!!!!

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

Plan B is to stop at a bar on the way home for a couple martinis.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
every night, my girlfriend comes home, and immediately starts talking (complaining) about her job. it drives me up a wall, because i have long days too, yet choose not to bother her with the details. however, i do like to be left alone for an hour to decompress..

anyway, i've learned to nod my head, and occassionally chuckle at her boring stories about everyone at her school.

my question, and problem, is this...

how do i act interested enough to get her to not bitch that i'm not paying attention, yet not enough for her to think that i really AM interested, and for her to expand her stories to an hour or more??

it's a fine line, and i'm interested to know how other boyfriends/husbands deal with this...

case in point: about 5 minutes into her gripes, i chuckled (half-heartedly) at something about her boss. i meant it to show her that i was paying attention (i wasn't, and actually wasn't even sure that it was the right time to laugh), but she took it to mean that i wanted more...'haha..yeah, you know, lemme tell you something ELSE!'..

ugh.

anyhow, any tips? i know it isn't the biggest gripe in the world, but at 5pm, after being home 10 minutes and enduring 4 classes of adhd/autistic/asperger's students all day long, the last thing i want to do is hear another teacher gripe about her long day...

[/ QUOTE ]

This is hilarious. My long-term, live-in gf of many years is presently doing exactly what you are writing about your gf. I am presently doing exactly what you do when your gf blathers unrelentingly.

me: uh-huh
her: blather, blather, blather,
me: ha ha
her: why are you lauging?
me: it seemed appropriate\

She glares at me and starts opening the mail.

her: blather, blather, oh...I got a credit card in the mail today. I wouldn't have known about this except I saw on my show this morining that anyone with a Macy's card gets a master card. If I don't want it, I have to canel it. bitch, bitch, bitch blather blather blather blather

me: uh-huh. (interior monlogue while watching tv and typing this: man, that girl from Amelie is really cute. I think Julie...interior monologue interrupted)
me: uh huh
her: blather, blather, blather, blather, work stuff, blather blather blather
me: ha ha

(interior monolgue continues: ...Benz was a lot hotter on that vampire tv show than she is on Dexter...man I wish my AA held up in that main event sat..... I would really like to bang that sales rep from xyz company who was so nice to me during lunch...)

In closing, Guids is (as always) right. You need to bail now. Before you end up like me.

edit: I'm moving out in 70-days.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

Just start giving her a massage and initiate foreplay. At least you will have something interesting to do while she blathers on.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

already there, brother...

the bitch is sometimes she'll ask me what she's talking about..THEN what do you do??

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

If you can't honestly talk to her about it, breat the [censored] up. It's not going to get better on its own and there's no way she's gonna be any happier about breaking up after you've led her on for another year.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

it ain't all THAT important...it's just a random gripe because it happened 4 minutes before i decided to start a thread...

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
If you can't honestly talk to her about it, breat the [censored] up. It's not going to get better on its own and there's no way she's gonna be any happier about breaking up after you've led her on for another year.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is truth.

My fiancee is a hardcore talker. She knows there are times that I'm not really listening intently, and for the most part accepts this. When there are situations where my input is actually useful, I'll occasionally have to say "I'm sorry, I zoned out. Can you repeat that?" There are other times where I just express that I'm doing something else that I'm into at the moment and I'm not feeling the chatting so much. So far all of this seems to work quite well, but we'll see how it goes once we live together.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[censored], [censored], ass, whore, damn, [censored], [censored], [censored]!!!!!!!
Are we/women really this baddddddddddddddddddd?? god.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
it ain't all THAT important...it's just a random gripe because it happened 4 minutes before i decided to start a thread...

[/ QUOTE ]

you'll be much more appreciated if you post threads based on content rather than urges/timing

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

OP - What you have described is every woman I've ever met.

Be careful, addressing this issue in an even slightly incorrect way could have disastrous consequences.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]

This is truth.

My fiancee is a hardcore talker. She knows there are times that I'm not really listening intently, and for the most part accepts this. When there are situations where my input is actually useful, I'll occasionally have to say "I'm sorry, I zoned out. Can you repeat that?" There are other times where I just express that I'm doing something else that I'm into at the moment and I'm not feeling the chatting so much. So far all of this seems to work quite well, but we'll see how it goes once we live together.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is all true, and fits to my situation...i zone out too, and for the most part, she accepts that. we've even talked about it, how she zones out sometimes when i'm talking about poker or coaching baseball, and i do whenever she's talking about whatever she talks about.

but it's not even that, it's having to sit here and listen WHEN I DON'T WANT TO BE LISTENING TO ANYONE. inside, i actually get pissed off having to listen..

we've both admitted that sometimes you just need to vent, and don't really care if the other is listening intently, which is 100% true.

it's just that it's every day. every day she comes home, and within 2 minutes of her getting home, she's talking about her day. it's just her. i'm not going to change that, nor am i going to break up with her over it..i was just hoping that others have the same problem, and have genius oot ways to deal with it..

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
[censored], [censored], ass, whore, damn, [censored], [censored], [censored]!!!!!!!
Are we/women really this baddddddddddddddddddd?? god.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yes.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
OP - What you have described is every woman I've ever met.

Be careful, addressing this issue in an even slightly incorrect way could have disastrous consequences.

[/ QUOTE ]

indeed...hence, the 'fine line' that i talked about..
[ QUOTE ]

you'll be much more appreciated if you post threads based on content rather than urges/timing

[/ QUOTE ]

not counting my original post/own responses, 15+ replies in an hour or so isn't exactly 'sinking the 2nd page' non-appreciation..

seems like a pretty common bitch, to me, and i doubt if i would've waited a time-length that you agree to prior to posting would've made a difference..

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

christ...

she just walked in while i was typing that last response, and pestered me into showing her...i warned her she probably didn't want to see, but she didn't relent..

she stormed out, and now i have that to deal with..

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

dude your girlfriend sounds like a bitch, sorry to break it to you

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

Who gets home first?

I told my wife I have a 30 minute rule. I am not making any decisions or listening to anything I don't feel like for 30 minutes after I get home. I need that time to decompress from my day. I didn't tell her in a dickish way, just an honest "I'd rather just be up front about this so we don't get in silly fights about it" way.

And of course, let her know you are available to listen when that time is up. And be sure to tell her you got home 5 minutes before her [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] A lot of times her desire to tell you that stuff will dissipate during that period too.

It works pretty well. She even adopts it against me for those times she gets home first and I might start in on some BS she is not interested in.

And she is Italian too and can talk anyone's ear off.

KJS

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
dude your girlfriend sounds like a bitch, sorry to break it to you

[/ QUOTE ]

ya obv. god forbid she assumes her bf takes an active interest what she spends a significant amount of time doing. op needs to put her in her place as a hole and sammich maker.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
dude your girlfriend sounds like a bitch, sorry to break it to you

[/ QUOTE ]

ya obv. god forbid she assumes her bf takes an active interest what she spends a significant amount of time doing. op needs to put her in her place as a hole and sammich maker.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it's mostly an issue of timing. If he's never willing to talk about it, then it's a problem. If he is just looking for the occasional reprieve, then it's natural, I think.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

Must be a teacher thing. My wife goes on about her kids, parents of kids, and administration and I honestly could give a rat's [censored].

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
[censored], [censored], ass, whore, damn, [censored], [censored], [censored]!!!!!!!
Are we/women really this baddddddddddddddddddd?? god.

[/ QUOTE ]

lol

You are the exception miss thang, [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img].

Yugoslav

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
christ...

she just walked in while i was typing that last response, and pestered me into showing her...i warned her she probably didn't want to see, but she didn't relent..

she stormed out, and now i have that to deal with..

[/ QUOTE ]

"Can you believe them crazy ho's?"

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
christ...

she just walked in while i was typing that last response, and pestered me into showing her...i warned her she probably didn't want to see, but she didn't relent..

she stormed out, and now i have that to deal with..

[/ QUOTE ]
Well, I guess just showing her your 2+2 thread is one way of being honest with her without having to talk to her...

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
say that to my girlfriend, and see what happens.

you've apparently never dated a full-blooded italian.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude. You are [censored]. Get out. Seriously...can you handle a lifetime of this???

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
say that to my girlfriend, and see what happens.

you've apparently never dated a full-blooded italian.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude. You are [censored]. Get out. Seriously...can you handle a lifetime of this???

[/ QUOTE ]


I assume all you guys who always chime in and say "just break up" are all single, right? Cuz pretty much every girl is like this, and if she's not she's just bottling it up for a big explosion later.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

She needs to go out for drinks after work with her coworkers or girlfriends...

You can't fix this problem without someone else taking on the burden =)

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
christ...

she just walked in while i was typing that last response, and pestered me into showing her...i warned her she probably didn't want to see, but she didn't relent..

she stormed out, and now i have that to deal with..

[/ QUOTE ]

Windows Key + D closes all windows and shows the desktop. Learn to hit that quickly. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

As for your original problem, it takes training. My wife used to bother me with that stuff all the time. But years of ignoring her has resulted in her not even bothering with it anymore.

Seriously though, the worst part is that she expects me to do the same thing. She'll say, "Why don't you tell me about your day?" She doesn't get the fact that I do the same stuff everyday with the same co-workers. Nothing interesting happened.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
say that to my girlfriend, and see what happens.

you've apparently never dated a full-blooded italian.

[/ QUOTE ]

Dude. You are [censored]. Get out. Seriously...can you handle a lifetime of this???

[/ QUOTE ]


I assume all you guys who always chime in and say "just break up" are all single, right? Cuz pretty much every girl is like this, and if she's not she's just bottling it up for a big explosion later.

[/ QUOTE ]

Do I always chime in and say this? Yes I am single because my ex wife was like this. She is going to explode whether you listen or not because at some point it's going to be;

You pretending like you're listening + that time of month + her figuring out you;re not listening = KABOOM

Not all chicks are like this. Sorry. But if you can't put up with it now it's not like it's going to get any better.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
christ...

she just walked in while i was typing that last response, and pestered me into showing her...i warned her she probably didn't want to see, but she didn't relent..

she stormed out, and now i have that to deal with..

[/ QUOTE ]

Huh you showed her the thread. Huh. I just can't wrap my head around that one.

I think the only good advice you will get is that you should find someone else to listen to her bitch. Just don't use my strategy, which is to simply point out all the hyperbole and exageration in everything she says.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]
christ...

she just walked in while i was typing that last response, and pestered me into showing her...i warned her she probably didn't want to see, but she didn't relent..

she stormed out, and now i have that to deal with..

[/ QUOTE ]

Going to be a long night dude.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

[ QUOTE ]

I think the only good advice you will get is that you should find someone else to listen to her bitch. Just don't use my strategy, which is to simply point out all the hyperbole and exageration in everything she says.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, pointing out that her coworkers are actually just fine and she's being totally unreasonable is not a good idea either.

The real solution is to get her some good girlfriends. Guys don't want to hear all this [censored], and girls love to blab to each other. I don't have any great ideas for how to help her make friends, though.

Re: How do you handle this fine line??
 

Say "no!" in a firm tone and spray her with water until she learns to stop the offending behavior. But seriously, she's associating all the bad things in her day with your face so just refuse to let her bitch about stuff unless something really crazy happened.