So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

Well guys, it's been fun knowing all y'all, first as a guy who sucked at poker, then as an online poker guy, then as a guy who sucked at poker. I've spent years on these here forums, posting about dicks and vaginas and the fights they have, but I've been hiding a secret pain. Something's been missing.

That something? A religious faith founded over 1 decades ago by a wiccan with a hunger for ancient Egypt.

Call it kismet (or rather, Kemet!), but in my standard ramble through wikipedia this morning I came across the inspiring story of the Kemetic Orthodoxy. Kemet is an ancient word for Egypt, a place familiar to many of us. I think it's a word we're going to be hearing a lot more about.

Why? Because when Jolliett, Illinois-born Tamara Siuda was 19, she had an ecstatic vision, a religious calling that inspired her to found a religion based on the unrecorded rituals of Egyptian people who are dead and thus can't complain. Crowning herself Nisut-Bity and Her Holiness and gathering about her Chicago's finest fat women and distressed manboys (It's not a feedee cult. Oh no! Nope.), she started a temple, founded a divinity school, and created a "ritual calendar, which is based on the rising of Sirius over Jolliett". 12 years later, she polished her credentials with a master's degree in Egyptology.

I need you guys to know and respect that this is a fully functioning and totally legitimate religion, run by "the current incarnation of the kingly ka, or the invested spirit of Heru, the Kemetic aspect of divinity incarnate in its spiritual leaders." Our nisut is 196th in a lineage, man.

I won't have time for OOT now. I belong with my new friends. I can't describe the inner peace I'm feeling, so I'll just leave you with some daily devotions and say "Em hotep to the children of Netjer!"

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

Have fun in your cult, and give us a trip report in a few months. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

Why are wiccan chicks always so FAT and UGLY?

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

mazel tov

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

And another imaginary religion claims another 2p2er.

The horror.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

Is this spam? I can't tell!

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

Level?

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

this sounds like something GA would enjoy

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

Do you think this will make you better at Poker?

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

Later duder. One piece of advice -- Stay away from this:

http://www.lasr.net/images/events/NE0401013e043.jpg

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

Stay away from smiling pitchers?

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

OH YEAH

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

I liked Bubba Ho-Tep better

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

http://www.ghostofaflea.com/archives/trimmid.jpg

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

I'm surprised you took so long to get on the Kemet train, bison. All of us have been believers for years. The first edition of Theory of Poker was written in heiroglyphs; Sklansky didn't write it, he just translated it. If Mason hadn't insisted on it being published in English over Sklansky's strenuous objections, you would never have even heard of 2+2.

By the way, you don't think "Mason" is Malmuth's real first name, do you? It's just the title that modern-day inheritors of the tradition have called themselves. Malmuth only has one name, and was named for an ancient Egyptian diety. I'm not sure who Mason Sklansky was named after.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

wow blarg that's not even remotely funny

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

[ QUOTE ]
Stay away from smiling pitchers?

[/ QUOTE ]

http://espndeportes.espn.go.com/2003..._randy2_ht.jpg

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

Bison,

Do you miss the updates at memepool as much as I did?

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

I'm guessing Blarg was smiling to himself while he typed that up, but yeah... I think that joke fails with anyone who thinks the humor of Bob Hope is a bit outdated.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

[ QUOTE ]
Why are wiccan chicks always so FAT and UGLY?

[/ QUOTE ]
You're hangin' with the wrong coven, dude.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

Without clicking on any of the links, am I to surmise that Bison's leaving OOT to go bang nutty fat chicks?

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia...WiccaSmall.PNG

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

NT: It's ok, and I [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] fat chicks, but it's a little too vanilla for me at this point imo .

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

Does this give you the power to see the hole cards of other players?

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

I laughed.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

[ QUOTE ]
I laughed.

[/ QUOTE ]
I feel I owe him a laugh or two just based of how long it must have taken to make that post.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

[ QUOTE ]
Why are wiccan chicks always so FAT and UGLY?

[/ QUOTE ]
Anecdotally, the only two people I know who claim to be wiccan are both *hideous* girls close to 3 bills.

I challenged the fatter one of them to cast any and all spells on me provided I didn't have to eat or drink anything and she didn't touch me or put anything on my body. Needless to say, she balked because "it doesn't work like that."

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

[ QUOTE ]
And another imaginary religion claims another 2p2er.

The horror.

[/ QUOTE ]
lolololololol

SHOW ME YOUR MIRACLES FATHER!

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

See, you could have turned this into a nice conversation about your respective totem animals, and whether hers did anything a cool as eat peoples' dreams.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
And another imaginary religion claims another 2p2er.

The horror.

[/ QUOTE ]
lolololololol

SHOW ME YOUR MIRACLES FATHER!

[/ QUOTE ]

I basically made that post just so you didn't have to.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

[ QUOTE ]
See, you could have turned this into a nice conversation about your respective totem animals, and whether hers did anything a cool as eat peoples' dreams.

[/ QUOTE ]
She was (predictably) unwilling to discuss the specifics of Wiccanism. My guess is she just told people a few canned stories at cookouts to seem interesting. I would think that even a Level 0 Wiccan should be able to cast 'Commune With Fruit Flies'!

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
And another imaginary religion claims another 2p2er.

The horror.

[/ QUOTE ]
lolololololol

SHOW ME YOUR MIRACLES FATHER!

[/ QUOTE ]

I basically made that post just so you didn't have to.

[/ QUOTE ]
Thanks! You had to know that a thread about religion would eventually attract the #sstakes king of anti-theism [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

tpir,

You seem to meet/know a staggerling number of nutjobs. What are you doing wrong in life?

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

[ QUOTE ]
tpir,

You seem to meet/know a staggerling number of nutjobs. What are you doing wrong in life?

[/ QUOTE ]
I have a lot of friends across varying groups: jocks, nerds, Jesus-freaks, rubes. People have BBQs and I meet weirdos. *shrug* I meet a lot of cool people too that I don't complain about. I think am doing OK in life [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Also, I am semi-obsessed with nutjobs, so I sort of seek them out in social situations.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

But the nutjobs life tilt you.

I think Christ is the only way you're helping yourself here homey.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

tpir you seem to have the same "problem" I have in that I am friends with a ton of different groups of people.

Getting all my different groups of friends together at a gathering usually just results in disaster. I also cringe when I hear one group talking poorly about another group without ever putting forth the effort to get to know them.

I however see no problem with getting to know as many different walks of life as possible and I think it provides you with a pretty balanced view of the world we call home.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

[ QUOTE ]
But the nutjobs life tilt you.

[/ QUOTE ]
Such is life? Cigarettes kill me but I still smoke those because I like the burning feeling. True life-tilt only surfaces when my family and close friends reveal their nutjobishness.


[ QUOTE ]
I think Christ is the only way you're helping yourself here homey.

[/ QUOTE ]
He wouldn't have to show me many miracles to convince me. JUST ONE FATHER!

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

[ QUOTE ]
And another imaginary religion claims another 2p2er.

The horror.

[/ QUOTE ]

"imaginary religion" is redundant.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
And another imaginary religion claims another 2p2er.

The horror.

[/ QUOTE ]

"imaginary religion" is redundant and tautological.

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP.

Re: So long OOT, I\'m converting to Kemet
 

Is there some meaning to why always mis-spell Joliet?