Approaching an Alcoholic
 

I know that I could probably just google it up and get similar information, but I want to hear different perspectives in the same thread. There's a level of quality I appreciate here too.

My friend is an alcoholic. I don't know when it started exactly. We've known each other for 3-4 years, and we met through our party lifestyle. But back then drinking was more of a weekend thing, or when there was a great clubnight to go to. Now it's every night for him.

When we chat he tells me what he's been up to, and every story includes how much he drank that night. It's always, "I went to ____ bar and drank ____ [which is always enough to knock me out]." Repeat times 7 for every night of the week, though sometimes he drinks at a house instead of a bar. It's starting to be sad, because he doesn't seem to have any close friends anymore, just clubbers he drinks his pints with. He still does fine at work (he seems to get a raises or promoted 2-3 times a year), but he's been "joking" about drinking at work lately too. So while he's functional, I worry about his health and long term ability to maintain this lifestyle.

How can I approach him about it? Are his constant mentions of how much he drinks a veiled cry for help? Can and should I do anything? Do you have any other advice that I should have asked for but didn't?

Thanks.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

Do you or does he know anyone that you respect that is a member of AA? This a difficult thing, many people die before they will accept any help. It would be ideal to leave it to experienced members of AA.
Sincerely
Bud

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

He doesnt sound like an alchoholic to me. I've met a few and the best way to describe them is spun. A faraway look in thier eyes, a beer in their hands. Binge drinking 7 days a week is not the same as being an alcoholic, albeit on the track to becoming one. If it isnt affecting his life/job it doesnt seem likethatbig a deal.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

[ QUOTE ]
He doesnt sound like an alchoholic to me. I've met a few and the best way to describe them is spun. A faraway look in thier eyes, a beer in their hands. Binge drinking 7 days a week is not the same as being an alcoholic, albeit on the track to becoming one. If it isnt affecting his life/job it doesnt seem likethatbig a deal.

[/ QUOTE ]

R U serious?

-SmileyEH

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

I know a good number of people who blackout multiple times per week who are very responsible / successful. Some people can handle it, others can't. In this case it seems like the person in question could stand to tone it down, but I don't get the impression he is f'ing up his life.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

i get a buzz/drunk almost everynight either alone playing CS (highly recommended, btw) or with friends playing poker/halo but i hardly consider myself an alcoholic, and neither do the people around me, although almost all of them would say i drink too much.

I told them if my drinking ever gets in the way of any normal responsibility then i am becoming an alcoholic and to stop me.

Thus, if drinking ever gets in the way of your friend's working - then i'd stop him.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

[ QUOTE ]
i get a buzz/drunk almost everynight either alone playing CS (highly recommended, btw) or with friends playing poker/halo but i hardly consider myself an alcoholic, and neither do the people around me, although almost all of them would say i drink too much.

I told them if my drinking ever gets in the way of any normal responsibility then i am becoming an alcoholic and to stop me.

Thus, if drinking ever gets in the way of your friend's working - then i'd stop him.

[/ QUOTE ]

You drink alone almost every night and don't think you are an alcoholic ? You are a functioning alcoholic in denial.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

[ QUOTE ]
I know a good number of people who blackout multiple times per week who are very responsible / successful. Some people can handle it, others can't. In this case it seems like the person in question could stand to tone it down, but I don't get the impression he is f'ing up his life.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yea because binge drinking has no negative health consequences in the short or long term.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

[ QUOTE ]
I know a good number of people who blackout multiple times per week who are very responsible / successful. Some people can handle it, others can't. In this case it seems like the person in question could stand to tone it down, but I don't get the impression he is f'ing up his life.

[/ QUOTE ]

It consider it quite a feat to fit so many silly and contradictory thoughts into such a compact paragraph.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

Sad to say, approaching your friend now isn't likely to do much good. They may appreciate your comments. They may tell you to [censored] off.
Drunks are a pretty resilient lot. As long as they are able to function well in a majority of life skills (Work, health, finance etc.) they continue to drink. Usually the last barrier is the ability, or should I say lack of ability, to earn a living. When that goes, well the supply is shut down and they MAY decide to do something about it.
OR not. The drunk may take a low paying job to pay for their habit. They're just another form of drug addict.
Most relapse after they quit. It's a bitch of a disease.
There may be underlying mental health issues. Depression, while not directly linked to alcoholism, is frequently found in many addicts.
I finally quit using (10+ years ago)when it dawned on me that I was a flaming idiot when I was sober & straight. The crap was really messing up my whole thought processs. But...... I was still performing well at work. Man it was a real effort.
So now I'm clean and sober but addicted to poker. How about that. Not really a surprise though. An addict is an addict is an addict.
At least I'm a whole lot happier now.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

I have to agree that he won't listen. If you organize an intervention he'll just get pissed off.

Since you care about him you could just say, "Hey man, you're turning into a complete drunk. Stay on this path and there is only ruination." Then DROP IT. Don't pester him, just state your position and have that be the end of it.

Maybe in 5 years he'll be lying in a pool of urine and remember it.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

How old is this guy? Lots of people go through a party stage in their 20's but eventually grow out of it. If he is older than that I would be a bit worried.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

If he's a friend try to help him out. Don't encourage his drinking , and if/when you get together make sure there is no alcohol around. If he values your friendship, he may listen.
If he can not get a handle on his drinking he is in big trouble. Eventually it will take his life over, as it seems to be doing. He needs help, and it starts with his true friends, and it might include tratment at a facility or support group.
Carl

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

[ QUOTE ]
I know a good number of people who blackout multiple times per week who are very responsible / successful. Some people can handle it, others can't. In this case it seems like the person in question could stand to tone it down, but I don't get the impression he is f'ing up his life.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the most ridiculous thing I've EVER heard.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

I don't want to make too much out of this but i tried helping a good friend though alcoholism, his wife tried, his work tried, his family tried - with bad results. He had the best professional help available and it failed. So i am not sure what you can do for your friend - it is a very strange illness and one for which i have seen no apparent cure, a lot of things may help but i think it is up to the individual to stop. It is sad to see someone lose their wife, children, friends, family and ultimately their life - but everyone tried to help and had no success.
Good luck with your friend

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

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It's always, "I went to ____ bar and drank ____

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you have a bar AND a drink named after you?

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

Let him destroy himself. Why should you care? Most of my ex friends are that alcoholic type, all they talk about is the last party they were at and what party is next. Its like forget about it. I got so pissed and fed up with their talk about alcohol that I stoped using it myself. Oh and they are no longer my friends.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

[ QUOTE ]
How can I approach him about it? Are his constant mentions of how much he drinks a veiled cry for help? Can and should I do anything? Do you have any other advice that I should have asked for but didn't?

[/ QUOTE ]

There's no trick to approaching someone about this. You just do it if you want to do it. It's akward and uncomfortable, but he's your friend and you care about him, so you do the best you can. It may not do a helluva lot of good right now, but at least you know you did all you could for him.

People in his situation, they often don't come around until something happens. You're trying to save him from that, but sometimes that's what it takes. However, he'll hear you, and at some point in the future it may sink in for him.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

if he's joking about it, he's probably thinking about quitting - that's what I did.

But until he wants to, there won't be much you can do - maybe warn him in that nice "watch out for those hangovers that get worse as you get older" attitude - not in a judgemental sense -

and never cover for him or enable.

that is all
RB

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

[ QUOTE ]
How can I approach him about it? Are his constant mentions of how much he drinks a veiled cry for help? Can and should I do anything? Do you have any other advice that I should have asked for but didn't?

[/ QUOTE ]

I unfortunately have way too much experience with this. First, re the other posters, you've received some excellent advice. You've also been told, like someone said, some of the dumbest things I've ever read -- and I know, because I used to say the same things myself.

There is no easy way, no trick to approaching your friend. His veiled references are a cry for help. The good thing is that he knows his behavior isn't right, and given his success at work I'm going to assume he's fairly intelligent. That he's telling you means to me that he knows you care and he wants your help. Note: do not view helping him as your responsibility, because it's not. The only thing that will stop an addict is their admitting that they're an addict. However, since you do want to help, try to talk to him about it when he's sober. As another poster said, don't enable or excuse his drinking. And try to do things that don't involve alcohol, too. Good luck, and feel free to message me if you have any questions.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

[ QUOTE ]
He doesnt sound like an alchoholic to me. I've met a few and the best way to describe them is spun. A faraway look in thier eyes, a beer in their hands. Binge drinking 7 days a week is not the same as being an alcoholic, albeit on the track to becoming one. If it isnt affecting his life/job it doesnt seem likethatbig a deal.

[/ QUOTE ]

There is such thing as a functioning alcoholic you know. To OP, there really is nothing that you can do for him. He has to hit rock bottom before he can realize that he needs to make the decision to admit his problem. It is unfortunate, but a reality.

Re: Approaching an Alcoholic
 

My father killed himself drunk driving at the age of 26. My second father was an alcoholic who would get drunk and beat the u know what out of my mother and brother and me. It took 2 years but my mother finally got away from him. We had to leave the state we were living in.
My girlfriend (whom I have been living with for 14 years now) was an alcoholic for 20 years, 5 of which were spent with me. She was what people call a functioning alcoholic, a hard worker and had learned to hide it extremely well. It took me 2 years to fully realize just how bad she was. That is how good she was at hiding it. But then again maybe i didnt want to know. Anyway, it took me another three years to get her into rehab and the only way I managed that was by telling her that I just couldnt handle it anymore. Without going into detail it took me over 6 hours of talking to her that night to finally get her to go. She spent 30 days in rehab.
Within her first week of getting out she started drinking again trying to hide it from me. I was taking her to work when I realized it (yes, she was hitting the vodka in the morning). Instead of taking her to work I dropped her off at her sisters and told her I was out of here unless she went back to rehab. It was at that point that she realized I was serious. She later told me that her real intentions the whole time were to keep drinking and just hide it from me.
Later that day she called and said she would go back to rehab. Another 30 days but she hasnt touched a drop since and that was 9 years ago.

The reason I mention all this is just to show how really difficult it is to get someone to quit and also to show some of the consequences of not quitting. I can't tell u how to help your friend other than what has been said here already. He won't quit till he hits a hard spot, one that will have possibly tragic consequences. Do not show support for his drinking or help him make excuses but u also can't really ride him about it either. One thing u can do is to never drink when u are around him just to show that it is possible to enjoy yourself without it. Also u can throw in the ocasional quick one liner of "Man, that stuff is going to kill you" but dont dwell on it. If he thinks u are judging him he will just start avoiding u and then u accomplish nothing
There is also a group afiliated with AA that is for partners and children of alcoholics. U might want to talk to someone who belongs to that. They would probably be able to give u the best advice on how to deal with your friend.
Michael