Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

cliff notes at bottom

I wanted to start a thread like this after I read Lurker's thread. (I believe it was in BBV4LIFE.)

Anyway I'm using a gimmick account for a couple reasons 1-I'd rather noone really know and 2- more importantly since I post quite a bit from work I feel corporate could easily find it and then you never know how you'd get treated.

My depression started about 15 years ago when I was in the military. It was a little odd because I had everything going for me. I had received the highest possible reviews each year, promoted as fast as possible, received many awards that were more typical of someone who had been in the serrvice for much longer than I had been in.

Anyway I had just moved back to the states from Italy. I took a weekend hop to Vegas, and when I came back I got real sick. I rode my bike into work not feeling well and as soon as I got to work they told me I should go see the flight surgeon. Within an hour of being there my temp went from 99 -103.7. They took me by ambulance to the hospital and I asked the doc if I was going to live. (I forgot to mention my symptoms were severe head, neck, and back pain). His answer was "I don't know". I guess I wanted the truth. They thought I had spinal meningitas. Turns out I didn't have that but after spending 2 weeks in the hospital I got better. They never figured out what it was either (weird huh?)

So I recover and my only real problems was my back still hurt a lot. So I had to quit working out. I replaced all the time in the gym with alcohol.

Next thing you know I really didn't seem to care if I lived or died. So I did the smart thing and called my supervisor and asked him to come to my apt. I told him everything (at that point I had only superficially cut my wrists and forearms trying to psyche myself up for the big cut)

He did what he had to do by reporting it and taking me to see a psychiatrist. I was sent to a civilian place to get evaluated. They drugged me up and I spent a week or so there. They decided I needed more attention so I was flown to a military psyche place in California.

When I arrived in Cali I kind of knew I was past the point of no return as far as having a productive properous military career. I went to all sorts of meetings and kind of felt more at home in the hospital that I did anywhere else. I don't know why that is but it's definetly true.

Oh I forgot to mention after one night with me my roommate jumped off the Golden Gate bridge.

At first I was on major restrictions. Not being able to go anywhere by myself. After a few weeks I had made it to where I could go do anything anywhere. Even fly back to my regular duty station to get some thigns straight.

So I arrive back to my apt and after a night of drinking I decide it isn't worth it. I take 4700 mg of Wellbutrin and 29mg of Klonopin. (along with the 3+ 6 packs of beer)

I had been on the phone with a lady I was in the civilian psyche ward at the time. I told her I was going to go for a walk and talk to her later. So I went for a walk and passed out in a field. That lady said she knew somethin was messed up and went looking for me. Well she found me in the field. Next thing ya know I was at a civilian emergency room (transferred there from the military one who wasn't able to handle it)

Two days later I came to with tubes down my throat and (LDO) tied to my bed. Turns out I was in some kind of coma or something. I dunno if I would have died or not if noone found me but one interesting thing is if you overdose on Wellbutrin one side affect is seizures. One of the thigs Klonopin does is keep you from having seizures. That's what I was told anyway.

So I was sent back to the civilian psyche place and I crapped like a million lbs of charcoal. I was flown back to the military place in California. I spent 4 or 5 more months there.

After that time there, because of my good record, I was told that it was up to me. I could stay in the military in my career field, the would move me to a different one, or they'd let me out. As much as I always felt I was a lifer I just knew I had to start a new chapter in my life.

So I got out, moved back to the city I came from, and started over. I received a temporary retirement so I had a little extra cash so there was no need to get a job right off the bat.

So I got out and ended up drinking every night of the week. For months and months.

Then I discovered black jack. That's a great combination depression, alcohol, and gambling.


Anyway I'll have to pick back up on this in a bit because my daughter is yelling for me.

I hope others can share or relate to some of this stuff. If you have something to share email me at [email protected] .

I'm sure it would be simple for a mod or others to find the real me but I would appreciate the anonymity.

cliff notes - I have had bouts with depression, I've attempted suicide before, and I'm long winded.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

lurker's thread for reference

haven't read the op yet, but this was probably those most touching thing ive seen on the internet, certainly 2+2

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

waiting eagerly for part 2, op

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

[ QUOTE ]
waiting eagerly for part 2, op

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

zoloft helps me, but sometimes I still revert back to my old self if I stop for like 3 days or so. One attempt, failed, in high school, never told anyone.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

[ QUOTE ]
zoloft helps me, but sometimes I still revert back to my old self if I stop for like 3 days or so. One attempt, failed, in high school, never told anyone.

[/ QUOTE ]How did you fail and how did you go about trying to do it in the first place.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

Cliff notes at bottom

So like I said I get out of the military and I guess you could say I was on the downward spiral. It wasn't a fast track down I was having a good time meeting a lot of women, drinking a LOT.

I started to gamble it up at the casinos. I ran one win up to 18k and quit up 13k. I was running real well. I'd decide I needed some cash, all I'd do is tell myself I was gonna hit the casino winb a quick 500 and then go drink it up. That's exactly what happened. Like I said I was running well.

Then there wasn't anything in particular that went bad but I just started to get a lil depressed again. Next thing you know it was back to not necessarily suicidal thoughts but " I don't give a F feelng"

After drinking all night I decided to walk around the middle of a real bad part of downtown. To give you an example of how tough it is there I wouldn't walk around there right now for $500.

I think I drank heavily every night for a couple years. One day I pointed my .347 at my head and was squeezing the trigger just a lil when I had second thoughts and moved the gun away it went off. It went through my wall, through the closet, and through the bathroom where my GF was taking a shower. Of course I played it off like it wasn't what it was.

Ok part 3 to come later.

The time frame of this is 1995ish.

cliff notes - I drink a lot, get depressed and shouldn't be trusted with guns

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

This is a sad thread [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] hope people email and help you out bro

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

there are people on this board I know irl and I'd rather not discuss

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

[ QUOTE ]


Oh I forgot to mention after one night with me my roommate jumped off the Golden Gate bridge.


[/ QUOTE ]

Pretty hard to take you seriously after this part. OTOH, you just might be as messed up as you sound. If so I'd be calling the suicide prevention line right about now.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


Oh I forgot to mention after one night with me my roommate jumped off the Golden Gate bridge.


[/ QUOTE ]

Pretty hard to take you seriously after this part. OTOH, you just might be as messed up as you sound. If so I'd be calling the suicide prevention line right about now.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd rather you try a little harder to take me seriously.

It is a fact that the day I moved to Cali and went in the place my roomy jumped off the Golden Gate bridge. But since we had only said a few words to eachother I feel pretty confident I had nothing at all to do with it.

So maybe it's my bad/dry sense of humor that's throwing you off. Had I known the guy was real depressed etc I would have done anything I could to save his life.

Sorry for the bad taste.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]


Oh I forgot to mention after one night with me my roommate jumped off the Golden Gate bridge.


[/ QUOTE ]

Pretty hard to take you seriously after this part. OTOH, you just might be as messed up as you sound. If so I'd be calling the suicide prevention line right about now.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd rather you try a little harder to take me seriously.

It is a fact that the day I moved to Cali and went in the place my roomy jumped off the Golden Gate bridge. But since we had only said a few words to eachother I feel pretty confident I had nothing at all to do with it.

So maybe it's my bad/dry sense of humor that's throwing you off. Had I known the guy was real depressed etc I would have done anything I could to save his life.

Sorry for the bad taste.

[/ QUOTE ]

Ok, then. You know what needs to be done, so get the help you've got to have. Best of luck, I hope everything gets better for you.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

Are you on any medications at present?

Are you seeing a psychiatrist and / or psychologist?

You mentioned your daughter, how many dependents do you have? what ages are they?

Are you in a relationship?


What my questions boil down to is are you seeking help, do you have any carers/support structure, and if you were to die would you leave behind any vulnerable others?

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

this story was an account of 12 years ago, i'm sure he'll finish the story

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

[ QUOTE ]
this story was an account of 12 years ago, i'm sure he'll finish the story

[/ QUOTE ]

12 years eh, thank christ, that's a good sign

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

It was a 357 (347 was a typo)

Cliff notes at bottom

So since I was the defenition of steady I end up getting my GF pregnant. I'm like WTF I guess I have to get a job. So I become a BJ dealer. It's decent pay and the only thing I could think of to do fast.

The only thing bad about it was after work I'd drink all night instead of go home to my (now) wife. The work wasn't too steady so I got a job in a salry position. It was less than BJ but it was a steady paycheck with insurance.

The marriage was tough from the start. We just didn't get along. So I drank and we argued. Next thing ya know I'm divorced (noone saw that coming huh?)

Well I fought so hard to keep my son (my gf wanted anabortion) and I loved him so much. But I also loved drinking. I took it easy on nights I had him. But made up for it on nights I didn't. My depression was in and out but I knew I was playing with fire with the alcohol.

So I woke up one morning and said "I'll never drink again". The year or so after that I never really had any problems with depression. I thought I had it beat. I decided it was all from the alcohol.

A few more years go by and I start to feel like crap again. I said F it I'm gonna go see a psychiatrist. I call up all of themwithin my insurance network. The fastest any one of em would see me was a friggin MONTH! Well for me anyway I go in and out of depression. I want to see one whaen I want to see one. I don't want to wait and by the time my appointment comes I don't feel like going.

I finally make one, keep it, and see this lady. It felt good. But it almost felt too good. Like that was my comfort zone. She wants to give me pills and I say no. So many in my bloodline escape with pills. My dad brags about not drinking but abuses the crap out of so many types of pills it's almost funny.

This takes me to nearly 2004-2005

cliff notes - pretty uneventful - I quit drinking but still get depressed.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

I always wonder about this "no medication" attitude. Most mental illnesses are a chemical imbalance which a specific medication has a hugely better chance of alleviating than the self-medication [be it alcohol, narcotics, self-harm etc.] will do.

There's no shame in getting antibiotics for a bacterial infection, why should there be for getting medicine for any other kind of illness?

It's bizarre.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

[ QUOTE ]
I always wonder about this "no medication" attitude. Most mental illnesses are a chemical imbalance which a specific medication has a hugely better chance of alleviating than the self-medication [be it alcohol, narcotics, self-harm etc.] will do.

There's no shame in getting antibiotics for a bacterial infection, why should there be for getting medicine for any other kind of illness?

It's bizarre.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think it comes along with the idea that this class of drugs is over-prescribed. It is true that they are doled out in amounts far greater than even in the near-present, though one can argue that they were simply under-prescribed before. (I don't know enough about this to comment intelligently either way.)

I think some people get the feeling that they are either getting prescribed when they're not needed, or prescribed when things like therapy are available. And, I'm sure some people are just uncomfortable with the idea of changing the way they think with pills.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

there's a sick irony that someone doesn't want to change the destructive way they think.

And i also agree that meds are sometimes used as a "substitute" for therapy, when in reality the best method employs both typically.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

i've suffered from depression for 5 years now, but never attempted suicide. i personally didn't want to take anti-depressants at first because i saw it as masking real problems. now i realize that since mental illness runs in my family, a chemical imbalance is most likely one of the major causes of my depression and therefore anti-depressants are a smart choice for me.

a lot of times people are turned off to meds, too, because it's a lot of trial and error. it's hard to say whether a certain med will work for someone until it's tried. it can be very frustrating to search for a medicine that works.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

I'm on anti depressants.

My mom has had problems with depression her whole life off and on and my dad gets like panic attacks and depression etc. I usually wouldnt get like classically depressed but would often feel fine one week then for no reason get super bummed out the next. Plus i didnt get excited about [censored], even stuff i should have..like sleeping with hot chicks, going on vacations etc. Plus i just had a total lack of drive/energy...my friends used to joke that I seriously suffered from adrenalitis...if u ever saw that car commercial ude understand the joke.

I had it off and on thru college and the last 4 or 5 years but always just dealt with it and figured it was just part of life.

Looking back it def hurt my social life and probably my school work...def my screnwriting and career etc. I finally decided to get my [censored] together n see a Dr./therapist given I'm planning a big move back to Scottsdale, AZ

I got put on something called wellbutrin.. so far seems to work pretty well. Def way way more focused now on my writing getting on with my career/life. Also finally buckling down and focusing on trying to become a MTT baller given the amount of time I waste on this site.

Before I was just kind of freaked out about my career/future and that in turn would bum me out etc. But I'm now planning on being totally on top of my [censored] and firing on all cylinders both socially and career wise when I move back in the spring.

Part of it is also finally realizing what I want with my life etc...and having the guts to pursue that goal even if it is a bit scary.

Even if your not even sure if yr depressed...worst case scenario u see a therapist maybe take some pills for a while then quit if they're not helping. Best case you get on with your life. If your even remotely thinking of suicide etc then def get to a Dr. and get on some pills. Even Tom Cruise will understand. On a sidenote my therapist is fricking smoking hot

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

you have a son + daughter and you are thinking about suicide?

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

I don't know why I'm doing this, most likely b/c I'm drunk, but here's my story of depression/self harm.

At college, junior year. New apartment with other people. Do very well fall semester; great classes, end up with 3.4 GPA. Up comes spring semester, and I hate my classes and don't go to most of them. Slept in a lot (got to bed around 2am, woke up sometimes around 1pm) Went to student clinic, depressed, social anxiety disorder. I also thought I might have ADD. Given Wellbutirn in Feb. Still don't go to most of classes, end up with a 2.0 GPA, got D- in one of my classes.

At end of May, one roommate moves out, at end of June, another roommate moves out. Living alone in 3 bedroom apartment (can't sublet, only pay for my room per month). Get new job, hate it. Late at night, attempt to cut myself on upper leg, can't do it, go to ER, in voluntary psych. ward for 3 days. Was a month ago. Back at college for 1st week of hopefully my last semester. Things are better, don't have feelings of self-harm, and would never consider suicide, but still feel sad sometimes. Also hate my part-time job, that I have had for over 5 years. Would like to quit, but they pay me good $ . Also have no idea what I want to do with life after college, and lack of girlfriends/sex.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

Before I go into part 4 or 5 or whatever it was I wanted to respond to a few things thta have been said.

The reason I don't want to take pills has nothing to do with the fact that I don't think they'll help. It's more of "If I take these pills then I'm more than likely to take other pills instead of trying to deal with it w/o em."

As far as thinking of suicide while having kids I agree it's one of the worst and most selfish things one person could even think of doing. But I assume you havn't or don't suffer from depression. At least 99% of the time I wouldn't even consider it. I'm more like "my life sucks and I can't see it getting any better" type feeling. Then I think of my kids and realize it's not something I'd do but thinking about it is ok I guess.

Sure when I'm at my lowest I think if I'm not around people with more sound minds will do better for my children. Maybe they won't have the problems I do if someone else takes care of them.

Also I'm what they call a impulse person. Each time I attempted it wasn't me thinking and planning a whole bunch. It was me being drunk and thinking F it, grabbing the pills and suck em down.

I'm not going to try to defend myself a whole bunch because I don't think it would do very good. I'm certainly not one of the "top tier respected posters" on this site. But I would imagine for the people that know me on here one of the first things they'd think of is me being mature and a loving father.

So if you will at least assume that I am and go from there.

Thanks

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

[ QUOTE ]
you have a son + daughter and you are thinking about suicide?

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

The following is probably stream of consciousness so may not read particularly well. It's also pretty emo, but try not picture me as this:

http://img124.imageshack.us/img124/2148/emokidsi1.jpg

Because for the majority of us, it's not the case. I for one want acceptance and a chance to take part in life again. I wear the same clothes the rest of you wear, listen to the same music and have never dyed my hair.

I'm currently 'battling with depression' as it's often put. Have been for the last couple of months, pretty much by myself, though within the last few weeks i have told a few close friends and seen a doctor and am currently prescribed Fluoxetine which is supposed to lift my mood after a few weeks, i hope it does. I should probably go see a therapist, it would probably help.

It's a strange feeling, and to those who've never probably had depression it's difficult to describe or comprehend. It's not just feeling low. Feeling low, according to the doctor is when something happens, and you get upset about that particular thing. Depression concerns everything, you no longer get enjoyment out of things that should give you plenty, nothing is interesting anymore, you no longer care for people in the same way you used to, you feel crap all the time and are constantly thinking of death and suicide.

Now i'm dead against suicide, i think it's selfish, and so would hopefully never go down that route, but like i say, i think about it all the time. Visions of myself taking a load of pills, hanging myself, shooting myself in the end, morbid stuff. As a cheap alternative i sleep in til the afternoon, after all "sleep is the cousin of death". When you're asleep i'll often dream of things unrelated to how i feel, it's a detachment from reality, so often in the mornings i'll hate the prospect of getting up simply because i'll have to get on with life.

I imagine it's different for everybody. But for myself it's a feeling of hopelessness, like i'll never be happy again and a general belief that bad things happen to me. Emo i know, but there's nowt i can do about it, i am completely aware of my misery and how others perceive me and that the lack of self belief is obviously an illusion but still i can't get ontop of the situation. It's as though my brain is not working as one unit, as thought the two sides are independent of each other, and as though the depressed side is slowing the other down, but all it can do is sit and wait, and analyse it's unwell half on internet message boards.

Another feeling is wanting an answer to some big question. Unfortunately i don't know the question, so how can i find the answer? The people i have told are the friends or aquaintences who i feel have good philosophical or logical minds, because i want this answer so very badly and i'm searching all possible channels for a possible answer, even though such a thing does not exist. If i don't think someone could hold the answer, then i don't care and don't want to know (like i said earlier, you stop caring for people), people will often say "it's alright, it'll get better" but this doesn't really mean a thing, it doesn't help, it doesn't answer anything.

The quest for an answer is partly what leads me to 'self harm'. Which is something i could never picture myself doing. This will either consist of punching a wall till my knuckles are bleeding, or taking it out on myself with a razorblade. For me it's not "I bleed so i can feel" or any of that [censored]. I don't like the blood, it's messy, it doesn't stop, it gets everywhere, i'm not too keen on the pain either, but it does help me forget about life for a brief moment. It's kind of like a reset switch. I don't get pleasure from hurting myself, it doesn't make me happy. I'm not a manic depressive, so don't ever feel happy, it's either neutral or crap. Hurting myself just allows me to reset my mental state back to neutral after i get particularly low. I also do it for attention, sort of. I hope that someone with 'The Answer' will see my bleeding knuckles , take me to one side and reveal to me how to lead the life i imagined myself living and to show me what i've done wrong to end up where i am.

I don't feel particularly guilty or at fault, though this changes from day to day. I mainly feel angry at believing bad things happen to me.

Cliff Notes: I'm depressed. Not suicidal but always think of death. Searching for some magical answer. Hurt myself for attention and as a reset switch.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

just take the [censored] pills.
stop being an idiot and a pussy

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

[ QUOTE ]
just take the [censored] pills.
stop being an idiot and a pussy

[/ QUOTE ]

obviously

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

Emailed to me with their story -

I have had some drug issues, here is why I continue to use. They are a major cause of my depression. P.s.: i'm not an english major



During the period I'm on a certain drug, I'm enlightened. You can be against drugs, thats fine. But, you have to admit they put you on a different level than you are normally. For me, it was like being able to find out certain, undeniable truths about myself, facts can fix my life, make me normal. How can I avoid them?

But the truth is that it escapes you. Not that you just forget it, you have seen the truth and the clarity to the world and have access to the seemingly unknowable, 'why am I the way I am'. But you lose it, it drifts away from you and all you can think of is 'I've stepped beyond the mundane'. And when I'm sober, my thoughts are dominated by the steady tatoo of "again, again, I want to see again". And if I shorten my memory, hurt my body, lose my friends, and shame my family, so what? I've seen the answers of life, the pitiful game that we play day to day. I have truly seen them, I just cannot vocalize them. I can only see them if I hurt myself. I walk day to day life and outsider, and actor not really fitting into his role, constantly checking his mark on stage. its a price I bear, and always will.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

I'm pretty sure I'm going to skip the last couple years. Mainly because I don't see much good coming out of it. I would like to ask those that totally can't understand anything I (or people like me) go through to understand just because I'm depressed doesn't make me a pu$$y or weak. I am a very loving and caring person. I've been wronged like most of us but instead of lashing out at them I'd rather be hurt myslf. I know that isn't right in there with what I've been talking about. But's it's also exactly how I am.

As a side note I called 15+ psychiatrists today and noone would see me in less than 2 months. I just think that's kind of weird. I guess if I needed help that bad (in their eyes) I could always go to an emergancy room.

To be clear I'm depressed not suicidal.

I'm curious from those that take antidepressants would you please PM me or post in here and tell me how the antidepressants make you feel. Are there some that actually make you generally happy or just not as sad. Oh also please tell me what you're taking.

I took Prozac at first then Welbutrin. Neither really helped, I don't think anyway.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

I've been on and off antidepressants for a few years. Prozac actually made me more suicidal. I've also taken Welbutrin, Effexor, Zoloft, Cymbalta and a couple others I can't remember. None have really helped.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

Zoloft did nothing. Prozac actually made me have worse panic - 10 hour panic attack (I take/took antidepressants primarily for anxiety). When I did start feeling depressed they just upped the dosage. But that just ended up pissing me off because they didn't listen to a word I said. Celexa worked for me for a while, but I have stopped since I felt overmedicated and wanted to see how I'd do on my own now that some of my mental triggers have been controlled.

I think antidepressants can help, but you definitely have to find the right one or else they can mess you up bad. I liked how I felt - I didn't feel happier per se, the biggest difference was when I noticed that I could hold my head up and actually look at people while simply walking down the halls. I'll probably go back on them eventually, but I don't want to be on them as heavily as before.

Disclaimer: I am also on ritalin for ADHD and that became an issue with dosing the SSRIs since basically they fight eachother at times. I choose ritalin over the SSRI's which is part of the reason I went off my meds. YMMV.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

To people who are depressed, why do you think you're depressed?

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

[ QUOTE ]
To people who are depressed, why do you think you're depressed?

[/ QUOTE ]

Brain malfunction.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

[ QUOTE ]

I'm curious from those that take antidepressants would you please PM me or post in here and tell me how the antidepressants make you feel.

I took Prozac at first then Welbutrin. Neither really helped, I don't think anyway.

[/ QUOTE ]

I started with Prozac about 10 years ago. I had an immediate reaction. At higher doses (80 mg) it felt like I was on speed. (or what I imagine speed feels like) I stayed on for a good 6 years. I started having problems again, and added wellbutrin. It had little/no effect for me.
I switched over to Lexapro, which I take to this day. About 2 years ago I added Effexor. I've had little/no side effects. Prozac killed my sex drive, and lexapro seems to reduce it a bit. (or I could just be getting old)

What do medications do for me?
It gets rid of suicidal thoughts and idealizations completely. I dwell on problems and misfortunes much much less. I sleep much better, and I don't have racing thoughts when I try to go to sleep. (I think Effexor is especially good for this)
Every day it doesn't feel like I'm trying to wade through an invisible jello that holds me back.

I lived for 7 years without medication. I probably should have flunked out of my senior year of college for lack of participation. I struggled and suffered greatly during those 7 years. I know what it's like to think "I can do this myself". I had to reach the bottom. Like an alcoholic who has to get it.
For those who struggle, I hope you get the help you need.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

zoloft does indeed make it hard to blow your wad, its kinda nice lasting for like 30 minutes avg.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

Do any of you have experience with Xanax? If so please fill me in.

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

[ QUOTE ]
zoloft does indeed make it hard to blow your wad, its kinda nice lasting for like 30 minutes avg.

[/ QUOTE ]

I can confirm that it actually takes a lot of shagging and mental concentration to blow when on Zoloft. Also if you haven't been on them regularly, and you pop more than the recommended daily dosage randomally, your first orgasm the next day will be more akin to an exploision that lasts for like 6 seconds (obv I heard this all from a friend...).

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

I've been on Cipralex for 3 months now. I don't have suicidal thoughts anymore, but the rest of my life is still dreary. I have a few up times, but still no drive, etc. Cipralex makes you pretty sleepy and affects your sex drive. (Ejaculation takes a long long time. Jerking it without porn is nearly impossible. Jerking it with porn is very tough. Getting off during sex is also tough. It's really annoying in the morning when I get morning wood and can't do anything about it. Otherwise, I don't really mind it.)

Re: Let\'s talk about depression/attempted suicide
 

Ok so I was given Lunesta for sleep. Abilify for manic depression or somethin. (5mg per day). He said in high doses it's for people with multiple personalities.

He then gave me Xanex for when I'm really stressing.

I don't know how much is in each Xanex pill but I can take like 4 of em and they do calm me down a lil. But i can't see why people become addicted to them. all they seem to do is make me want to take a nap and not care abotu punctuation.