Are large weddings worth the money?
 

Sure, it's a huge event in people's lives, but is it really worth spending this type of money out of your PA on any 1 night event? Well-off people spend hundreds of thousands, and people with middle-of-the-road wealth and incomes spend enough to really feel the pain on their bottom line for years.

Given that there's a 50% chance the marriage you're spending all this money on partying over will fail, is it really worth spending that large a percentage of your net worth on it? Even if it's easy for you to afford, couldn't that money be better spent elsewhere, such as investing for retirement, investing for your children and grandchildren, giving it to the needy, or buying yourself a great piece of art or something?

If weddings didn't carry the status factor that people are so concerned with, I think the amount of money spent on them nationally would drop like a stone.

So what do you do as an alternative? Small, destination weddings are my vote. You have close family (not extended relatives you haven't seen in a decade), close friends (people you have known for at least five years and see/speak to regularly), and you do it in a nice remote location, far away from where you live. You save tons of money, you don't offend non-invitees (people understand when you tell them you're doing a very small, getaway wedding), and you don't have to deal with all the stress and insane costs of a normal, big wedding.

Why more people don't go this way I don't understand. My wife and I did it and we have no regrets.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]

Given that there's a 50% chance the marriage you're spending all this money on partying over will fail, is it really worth spending that large a percentage of your net worth on it? Even if it's easy for you to afford, couldn't that money be better spent elsewhere, such as investing for retirement, investing for your children and grandchildren, giving it to the needy, or buying yourself a great piece of ass or something?



[/ QUOTE ]

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

I got married at that Las Vegas wedding chapel with the drive-up window. We were broke at the time, and didn't have a car, so we had to go inside.

There was my bride, me, and that was IT. Our "witness" was a video camera.

Here's the rundown:

Bus fare to the chapel and back: $5
Chapel fee: Waived (for active military)
"Would you like to buy her a bouquet?": $25
Tip for the "reverend" (the envelope suggested $50-100): $20
Donuts and lemonade at the Winchell's next door: $5

That was it, that was my entire wedding.

Any girl who thinks a big wedding (or an expensive ring) is important, is not a girl I want to marry.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

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Any girl who thinks a big wedding (or an expensive ring) is important, is not a girl I want to marry.

[/ QUOTE ]

Fine, but you just eliminated no less than 90% of American females right there.

Many girls have their weddings planned out in their mind (sometimes on paper even) before they finish high school.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Given that there's a 50% chance the marriage you're spending all this money on partying over will fail,

[/ QUOTE ]

Just explain this to your fiancee.....


Don't worry, 50% of OTHER PEOPLE'S marriages fail but yours will always last, so its worth it.




As for getaway weddings, things get annoying with old relatives, new passport regulations, etc.

Personally I want to have a simple ceremony, a simple reception, then like a VIP reception later that night or the next day/night where its just like our best friends, and spend money making that a real blowout.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Given that there's a 50% chance the marriage you're spending all this money on partying over will fail,

[/ QUOTE ]

Just explain this to your fiancee.....


Don't worry, 50% of OTHER PEOPLE'S marriages fail but yours will always last, so its worth it.




As for getaway weddings, things get annoying with old relatives, new passport regulations, etc.

Personally I want to have a simple ceremony, a simple reception, then like a VIP reception later that night or the next day/night where its just like our best friends, and spend money making that a real blowout.

[/ QUOTE ]

You say this now but good luck when it comes time to actually planning it. Things sneak up on you that end up costing you big. Friends that aren't invited are sore about it.

Destination weddings are ideal because you're spending money on something you might spend a lot of money on anyway: a great vacation. Also, it is much easier to justify not inviting certain people if you get married in a remote place than if you do it near home.

We talked about doing a blowout party at home when we got back, but we ended up bagging that idea due to the cost. Renting out a bar or restaurant in NYC and inviting 150-200 people for an open bar with hors d'oeuvres isn't exactly a small cost.

We got married at a 5 star hotel in Italy with about 30 of our closest friends and relatives. We then spent 5 days on our own in Capri as a honeymoon, also at a 5 star property. We picked up the travel and hotel costs for certain relatives who couldn't afford the hotel or airfare.

Total cost of everything, including the honeymoon, the dinners we picked up for everyone, the hotel costs for ourselves and the others we paid for, general spending money throughout the trip, flowers, string quartet, the dinner (at this top notch hotel), and everything else: about $30,000. We were gone for a total of two weeks. People who go to Europe for two weeks and stay in nice places spend no less than 10k, and sometimes more like 20k if they're really pimping it up.

Take a look at what $30,000 gets you back home if you want to invite over 150 people. The last few weddings I have been to have been 200-plus.

Nothing is worse than a big wedding that is painfully cheap and adhering to a strict budget. Cash bars, a lack of food at the cocktail hour, chintsing out on tents, no bands, etc., is just lame. If you can't afford it don't do it at all. Nobody is going to care 2 years later. People are way too obsessed with appearances.

It cracks me up that people flip out when gas prices go up by 30 cents, but then they go and spend everything they have in their savings account on a single party to celebrate an institution that fails as often as it succeeds.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

Spending a lot of money on a wedding is extremely selfish, pointless, and shallow, IMO.

Reminds me of an artile I read in Money magazine. The back page had a couple who spent $38K on their wedding, then spent the next two years selling things and working extra jobs to try to remove the debt. They said "A big wedding is supposed to be romantic, but I can't think of anything less romantic than putting your family in a giant hole right out the gate."

I totally agree. Spend the money elsewhere.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

Sooo you talk about not liking big weddings but spent 30k?


[ QUOTE ]
Renting out a bar or restaurant in NYC and inviting 150-200 people for an open bar with hors d'oeuvres isn't exactly a small cost.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think your idea of small get together and mine are a bit different.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

For some people, they are.

Some people want to have a big party and invite all of their near-friends and co-workers and Great Aunt Ethel's nutritionist and 3rd cousins 12 times removed. They want a big reunion of everyone they've ever met. Good for them. This can actually be a lot of fun for all the remote connections that don't get to see each other very often.

If it were up to me, I wouldn't spend 30K on your "desitination wedding" either. What I'd really like is to decorate my house in white and silver and blue at Christmastime, invite a few close friends and family over for a holiday party, and at about 10:30 after we've had food and wine have the officiant come out, announce that we are getting married, have vows and rings (and a veil...my one absolute requirement is a floor-length veil...and they are NOT cheap).

No deluge of wedding gifts, no showers, no hair appointments for 6, no hours spent haggling with caterers and florists, no $20,000+ bill. Just we get married, and then everyone hugs us and leaves.

The point is, you had the wedding you wanted. As long as they can afford it, everyone should have exactly the wedding they want.

And personally, I find this paragraph hilarious:

[ QUOTE ]
Nothing is worse than a big wedding that is painfully cheap and adhering to a strict budget. Cash bars, a lack of food at the cocktail hour, chintsing out on tents, no bands, etc., is just lame. If you can't afford it don't do it at all. Nobody is going to care 2 years later. People are way too obsessed with appearances.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hypocritical much?

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
Nothing is worse than a big wedding that is painfully cheap and adhering to a strict budget. Cash bars, a lack of food at the cocktail hour, chintsing out on tents, no bands, etc., is just lame. If you can't afford it don't do it at all. Nobody is going to care 2 years later. People are way too obsessed with appearances.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hypocritical much?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think he's concerned with the appearance of a lame party, he's concerned about attending a lame party and having less fun than he might otherwise.

I'd be pretty content spending minimally on a wedding. My fiancee wouldn't be averse to such a thing either, but her mother's side of the family has tended to have fairly involved weddings, and so that's how it looks like we're going. EDIT: Which brings up the other point I forgot to make, which is that a lot of the time I think the wedding is as much about the family as it is about the couple. That puts a different spin on things, I think.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

this whole '50% of marriages fail' statistic is misleading. 50% of all first marriages do not fail. the numbers are distorted by people who get divorced like seven times.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

Meh, I imagine there are also tons of horrible marriages that don't end until death that I would consider 'failed' as well.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

This is pretty simple. Like most discretionary purchases, the amount you spend should bear some relation to the amount you have. That said, lots of people live beyond their means in many unnecessary ways, I'm not sure why people get so fired up about engagement rings and wedding costs around here.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

The failed marriages bit seems like a red herring to me anyway. How is that at all relevant to whether or not you should throw a big wedding? It's not like having a great wedding until the end of time justifies dropping 50k on the ceremony, either.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

Yes, but the fact that marriages often fail is reason not to spend so much money on a largely symbolic gesture to please others. You might not have those people in your life for as long and you might end up having to pay for another wedding! Better save [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

If you are already in the no effing way would I waste money on that camp then it isn't needed to convince you.

Personally I'm never going to invest much money (as a percentage of what I have) into a party, or a symbolic gesture like a ring. I just think I could improve my life and others by spending the money more efficiently on practical and fun things. (investing, toys like sports cars and computers, good food, vacations, etc.)

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
For some people, they are.

Some people want to have a big party and invite all of their near-friends and co-workers and Great Aunt Ethel's nutritionist and 3rd cousins 12 times removed. They want a big reunion of everyone they've ever met. Good for them. This can actually be a lot of fun for all the remote connections that don't get to see each other very often.

If it were up to me, I wouldn't spend 30K on your "desitination wedding" either. What I'd really like is to decorate my house in white and silver and blue at Christmastime, invite a few close friends and family over for a holiday party, and at about 10:30 after we've had food and wine have the officiant come out, announce that we are getting married, have vows and rings (and a veil...my one absolute requirement is a floor-length veil...and they are NOT cheap).

No deluge of wedding gifts, no showers, no hair appointments for 6, no hours spent haggling with caterers and florists, no $20,000+ bill. Just we get married, and then everyone hugs us and leaves.

The point is, you had the wedding you wanted. As long as they can afford it, everyone should have exactly the wedding they want.

And personally, I find this paragraph hilarious:

[ QUOTE ]
Nothing is worse than a big wedding that is painfully cheap and adhering to a strict budget. Cash bars, a lack of food at the cocktail hour, chintsing out on tents, no bands, etc., is just lame. If you can't afford it don't do it at all. Nobody is going to care 2 years later. People are way too obsessed with appearances.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hypocritical much?

[/ QUOTE ]

Not at all. If you're going to force hundreds of people to witness your special day, don't make them pay for drinks because you can't really afford the wedding in the first place but still feel compelled to have one just because other people do. Better off just having a very small wedding, or no wedding.

If you have another couple over to your house for dinner, do you bring them a check at the end of the meal? Of course not. If you're destitute, you probably shouldn't be throwing a dinner party in the first place.

That's all I'm saying.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
this whole '50% of marriages fail' statistic is misleading. 50% of all first marriages do not fail. the numbers are distorted by people who get divorced like seven times.

[/ QUOTE ]

But there are also plenty of marriages that are terrible, but the couple stays married anyway (for any number of reasons). Terrible marriages in which the couple stays married would have to be considered "failed marriages" even though there is no divorce; separations, for example, don't go into this 50% statistic, so that ramps the true number back up and probably at minimum balances everything out against your multiple divorce example, if not overrides it.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

as long as people know what they are getting into at a wedding (cash bar, or light food, or whatever) there is nothing wrong with making whatever arrangement you want. nowhere is it written in stone that you have to feed people at your wedding, or get them drunk, or whatever.

personally i have been to several weddings that featured a potluck-style meal afterwards but copious free booze, this was great.

my own wedding, i would prefer to spend a bunch of money on food and booze and not much on anything else.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
This is pretty simple. Like most discretionary purchases, the amount you spend should bear some relation to the amount you have. That said, lots of people live beyond their means in many unnecessary ways, I'm not sure why people get so fired up about engagement rings and wedding costs around here.

[/ QUOTE ]

Big difference between overpaying for a ring (as a percentage of what you have) and overpaying for a wedding.

You can't get the money that you spend on a wedding back. It is gone forever.

In a pinch, you could sell your ring and get a large piece of the money back, perhaps all of it if you got a good deal.

This is also true for a number of other purchases Americans make when they "spend beyond their means." If you buy a Porsche 911, and you couldn't really afford it, and 3 years later you come to your senses, you may not be able to get the full 90 grand back , but you can at least salvage a good bit of it. Same with a plasma television, a house, or any other tangible possession.

Weddings are one of the few things that you can spend hundreds of thousands on and not get a penny of it back. The same applies to vacations, but very few people spend anywhere near on a vacation what they spend on a wedding.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
this whole '50% of marriages fail' statistic is misleading. 50% of all first marriages do not fail. the numbers are distorted by people who get divorced like seven times.

[/ QUOTE ]

But there are also plenty of marriages that are terrible, but the couple stays married anyway (for any number of reasons). Terrible marriages in which the couple stays married would have to be considered "failed marriages" even though there is no divorce; separations, for example, don't go into this 50% statistic, so that ramps the true number back up and probably at minimum balances everything out against your multiple divorce example, if not overrides it.

[/ QUOTE ]

really? are you just making up a number of 'bad marriages' and assuming it is greater than the number of first marriages that succeed? i am talking about an actual statistic that is thrown around all the time. 50% of marriages end in divorce, which in itself is a very sloppy and flawed statistic.

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The figure is based on a simple - and flawed - calculation: the annual
marriage rate per 1,000 people compared with the annual divorce rate. In
2003, for example, the most recent year for which data is available, there
were 7.5 marriages per 1,000 people and 3.8 divorces, according to the
National Center for Health Statistics.

But researchers say that this is misleading because the people who are
divorcing in any given year are not the same as those who are marrying, and
that the statistic is virtually useless in understanding divorce rates. In
fact, they say, studies find that the divorce rate in the United States has
never reached one in every two marriages, and new research suggests that,
with rates now declining, it probably never will.

The method preferred by social scientists in determining the divorce rate is
to calculate how many people who have ever married subsequently divorced.
Counted that way, the rate has never exceeded about 41 percent, researchers
say. Although sharply rising rates in the 1970's led some to project that
the number would keep increasing, the rate has instead begun to inch
downward.

[/ QUOTE ]

link - from a NY Times article.

So all this 'a lot of marriages are unhappy anyway and people are miserable so that's just as bad' is a bunch of speculation at best.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
as long as people know what they are getting into at a wedding (cash bar, or light food, or whatever) there is nothing wrong with making whatever arrangement you want. nowhere is it written in stone that you have to feed people at your wedding, or get them drunk, or whatever.

personally i have been to several weddings that featured a potluck-style meal afterwards but copious free booze, this was great.

my own wedding, i would prefer to spend a bunch of money on food and booze and not much on anything else.

[/ QUOTE ]

I guess if everyone you know thinks cash bars are normal, and they represent the majority of folks at your wedding, then it's fine. In that case, you probably wouldn't need to indicate that it was cash bar style on the invitation.

I agree with you on focusing on food and booze costs and pinching more on extras like flowers, video guys, fancy invitations, and stuff like that. If you're not going to have a band, you should have a pretty good DJ. Emcees I can take or leave- in fact they're sometimes a bit cheesy.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

Do you think a marriage is successful if at least one of the spouses illicitly cheats regularly?

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Do you think a marriage is successful if at least one of the spouses illicitly cheats regularly?

[/ QUOTE ]

i have no interest in speculating on whether people are happy in their marriages. i am just correcting a common factual error, that 50% of marriages end in divorce, and the perception that this supposed 'average' represents the real tendencies of average people who get married.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Sooo you talk about not liking big weddings but spent 30k?

[/ QUOTE ]

I never said I didn't like big weddings. I just personally don't think they come close to being worth the money that is spent on them.

From where I come from, 30k is not a lot for a wedding and honeymoon. And for a large, reasonably-nice-or-better wedding (let's say north of 150 people) and an at least half-decent honeymoon, it's pretty tough to get out for less than 30k anywhere in America.

Heck, in many circles $30k covers the flowers, dress, and tent, before any money is spent on food, booze, and all the other extras.

If you took a 2 week vacation to various nice parts of Europe and wanted to stay in reasonably nice to very nice places, what do you think your all-in budget would need to be?

Don't forget about the massive tax you pay at hotels, not to mention the weak dollar.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

Understood, and that's an interesting article.

However, regardless of what the "true" number is, I still believe Americans spend astonishingly too much money on weddings, even given the tendency of Americans to spend too much in general. I find wedding expense to be particularly bizarre, even for our culture of spending on things we cannot really afford.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

I've long held the belief that two biggest wastes of money in this life are wedding and funerals.

Why people will spend 25-100K on a single day event that ultimately won't bring them any real happiness, peace or wisdom is beyond me.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

If guys were the ones with the final say in weddings, there would be no big weddings, unfortunelty we dont adn never will. So my advice, is to suck it up, and make sure you at least have a wedding that rocks. So many times I go to weddings that cost an inordinate amount of money because of the venue, but the food, liquor, etc all sucks, this is probably the part that you engaged guys can probably finagle into something that is worth it.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Given that there's a 50% chance the marriage you're spending all this money on partying over will fail,

[/ QUOTE ]

Just explain this to your fiancee.....


Don't worry, 50% of OTHER PEOPLE'S marriages fail but yours will always last, so its worth it.




As for getaway weddings, things get annoying with old relatives, new passport regulations, etc.

Personally I want to have a simple ceremony, a simple reception, then like a VIP reception later that night or the next day/night where its just like our best friends, and spend money making that a real blowout.

[/ QUOTE ]

You say this now but good luck when it comes time to actually planning it. Things sneak up on you that end up costing you big. Friends that aren't invited are sore about it.

Destination weddings are ideal because you're spending money on something you might spend a lot of money on anyway: a great vacation. Also, it is much easier to justify not inviting certain people if you get married in a remote place than if you do it near home.

We talked about doing a blowout party at home when we got back, but we ended up bagging that idea due to the cost. Renting out a bar or restaurant in NYC and inviting 150-200 people for an open bar with hors d'oeuvres isn't exactly a small cost.

We got married at a 5 star hotel in Italy with about 30 of our closest friends and relatives. We then spent 5 days on our own in Capri as a honeymoon, also at a 5 star property. We picked up the travel and hotel costs for certain relatives who couldn't afford the hotel or airfare.

Total cost of everything, including the honeymoon, the dinners we picked up for everyone, the hotel costs for ourselves and the others we paid for, general spending money throughout the trip, flowers, string quartet, the dinner (at this top notch hotel), and everything else: about $30,000. We were gone for a total of two weeks. People who go to Europe for two weeks and stay in nice places spend no less than 10k, and sometimes more like 20k if they're really pimping it up.

Take a look at what $30,000 gets you back home if you want to invite over 150 people. The last few weddings I have been to have been 200-plus.

Nothing is worse than a big wedding that is painfully cheap and adhering to a strict budget. Cash bars, a lack of food at the cocktail hour, chintsing out on tents, no bands, etc., is just lame. If you can't afford it don't do it at all. Nobody is going to care 2 years later. People are way too obsessed with appearances.

It cracks me up that people flip out when gas prices go up by 30 cents, but then they go and spend everything they have in their savings account on a single party to celebrate an institution that fails as often as it succeeds.

[/ QUOTE ]
$30,000 is a lot of money. Why exactly are YOU ranting about expensive weddings? You certainly have a point though.

I got married for around $10,000 (give or take a couple grand), had 150 people attend my wedding, had an awesome DJ (and therefore great reception), good food, OPEN BAR, and a nice ceremony.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

Me and my wife just spent about 18,000 on ours. It helped that I knew the band, she worked for the caterer in HS, I knew ceremony musicians, etc. Her parents chipped in some and my parents gave us a little.

The whole day went by in an instant but was fantastic. Every penny was well spent.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

Also, I perform at weddings every weekend. Here's what makes a good, rockin' wedding:

1. Collection of people - if your family and friends are lame, nothing else matters.

2. Free booze - everything else can be perfect but this is a deal-breaker.

3. Good music - this can be a band or DJ, as long as they're good. Nothing beats a good band on a stage with the right size dance floor, though.

4. Venue - size/ shape of the room, placement of tables, geographical location all come into play - some of it obvious (people traveling to wedding from out of town are more likely to party) some of it not so obvious (if tables are too far apart, it's harder for people to be social).

4. Good appetizers - if you went with rule 2, taste buds will be dull to the the meal, anyway.

5. Good dinner - you can really define yourself at appetizers - most caterers can whip up something distinctive - but meals are usual snooze-fests of filet mignon, chicken, salmon, etc.

Of course, this only applies to the reception. The ceremony is a different ballgame with fewer guidelines for success. [img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

weddings are retarded. you don't even know half the people there but you are buying them a $300 dinner and open bar.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

when i saw kkf respond to the post i couldn't wait to see a variant of "usa sucks thailand is awesome because weddings are cheap"

boy was i disappointed

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]

$30,000 is a lot of money. Why exactly are YOU ranting about expensive weddings? You certainly have a point though.

I got married for around $10,000 (give or take a couple grand), had 150 people attend my wedding, had an awesome DJ (and therefore great reception), good food, OPEN BAR, and a nice ceremony.

[/ QUOTE ]

Keep in mind the $30,000 includes my honeymoon, which was absolutely awesome (stayed at a 5 star property in Capri for 5 nights). It also includes the 5 days and nights we spent in southern Italy, also at a top notch hotel, with some day trips and lots of nice meals. The wedding itself (small service with a string quartet followed by cocktails, and then a 5 course dinner), probably cost about $2,500.

So you spent $10,000 on just one night. I spent $30,000 for 10 days in luxury in Italy. I'm not saying I did better- I'm just saying you're comparing apples and oranges.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

For all of you that are saying that weddings are a one day thing and then are done...

You do realize that people actually derive enjoyment and happiness from the MEMORY of an event, right? A perfect wedding will be remembered for as long as you are together.


Also, saying people are dumb for spending a lot of money on a large wedding then spending $30,000 on your own wedding is completely hypocritical. Also, forcing close friends and relatives to fly and stay wherever YOU want to go, which is not cheap for them and could be a huge inconvenience is very selfish.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
For all of you that are saying that weddings are a one day thing and then are done...

You do realize that people actually derive enjoyment and happiness from the MEMORY of an event, right? A perfect wedding will be remembered for as long as you are together.


Also, saying people are dumb for spending a lot of money on a large wedding then spending $30,000 on your own wedding is completely hypocritical. Also, forcing close friends and relatives to fly and stay wherever YOU want to go, which is not cheap for them and could be a huge inconvenience is very selfish.

[/ QUOTE ]

You do realize that people actually derive enjoyment and happiness from the MEMORY of an event, right? A perfect wedding will be remembered for as long as you are together.



This is what I have problem with. Do you think guys are going to remember the event more or less becuase you spent a bunch of money? Guys arent really that excited about all the crap you have to go through for a wedding, right? Wouldnt most dudes remember the wedding date just because its your wedding, and if not, I know they;d cherish it if it was low key and fun, rather than uncomfortable and lame. Do you want to marry a chick who needs all that to enjoy the day that you guys start spending your life together?

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
For all of you that are saying that weddings are a one day thing and then are done...

You do realize that people actually derive enjoyment and happiness from the MEMORY of an event, right? A perfect wedding will be remembered for as long as you are together.


Also, saying people are dumb for spending a lot of money on a large wedding then spending $30,000 on your own wedding is completely hypocritical. Also, forcing close friends and relatives to fly and stay wherever YOU want to go, which is not cheap for them and could be a huge inconvenience is very selfish.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're quite judgmental without really knowing anything about the situation. We only had 25 people, all of whom are very close to us, love traveling and love Italy in particular. They were involved in the decision-making process to do this wedding, and those who were financially challenged to do this trip were covered by us. We're a close enough family that if anyone was inconvenienced by this, it would have been apparent. Everyone had about 15 months notice and it was made abundantly clear to people that they should not feel obligated in any way to come. We insisted on no gifts, and we showered people with free dinners, gifts, and day trips on our dime the whole time we were there. We also got people very good rates at the hotel, rates they could not have gotten on their own.

The wedding worked out great and everyone who was there still talks about how much they enjoyed the experience, both to our face and to other people when we're not around.

So your comments that we are selfish for choosing this type of wedding are totally unfounded, but thanks for attempting to be fair and objective.

As for the cost, again, the 30k covers all of a 10 day trip to Italy, which included us getting married. We also paid for a couple of relatives who clearly couldn't comfortably afford the trip.

In my opinion, we got more on a dollar for dollar basis than the guy who spent $10 grand on just one night.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]

This is what I have problem with. Do you think guys are going to remember the event more or less becuase you spent a bunch of money? Guys arent really that excited about all the crap you have to go through for a wedding, right? Wouldnt most dudes remember the wedding date just because its your wedding, and if not, I know they;d cherish it if it was low key and fun, rather than uncomfortable and lame. Do you want to marry a chick who needs all that to enjoy the day that you guys start spending your life together?

[/ QUOTE ]

Not to mention that a VERY common refrain among the women I know who've married recently is that they remember next to nothing of the actual wedding day because they were kept busy enough.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

[ QUOTE ]
If guys were the ones with the final say in weddings, there would be no big weddings, unfortunelty we dont adn never will.

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Some guys choose to marry women that are reasonable (for women). Carrying the expectation that you are going to marry an emotional basket case wedding tyrant is a good way to do exactly that.

OP. They aren't worth it to me. Some people like big family events. Different strokes I guess. My wife and I got married on a beach in the Caribbean alone. It was romantic and memorable.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

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For all of you that are saying that weddings are a one day thing and then are done...

You do realize that people actually derive enjoyment and happiness from the MEMORY of an event, right? A perfect wedding will be remembered for as long as you are together.


Also, saying people are dumb for spending a lot of money on a large wedding then spending $30,000 on your own wedding is completely hypocritical. Also, forcing close friends and relatives to fly and stay wherever YOU want to go, which is not cheap for them and could be a huge inconvenience is very selfish.

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You do realize that people actually derive enjoyment and happiness from the MEMORY of an event, right? A perfect wedding will be remembered for as long as you are together.



This is what I have problem with. Do you think guys are going to remember the event more or less becuase you spent a bunch of money? Guys arent really that excited about all the crap you have to go through for a wedding, right? Wouldnt most dudes remember the wedding date just because its your wedding, and if not, I know they;d cherish it if it was low key and fun, rather than uncomfortable and lame. Do you want to marry a chick who needs all that to enjoy the day that you guys start spending your life together?

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yeah, that is probably true. good point.

Re: Are large weddings worth the money?
 

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If guys were the ones with the final say in weddings, there would be no big weddings, unfortunelty we dont adn never will.

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Some guys choose to marry women that are reasonable (for women). Carrying the expectation that you are going to marry an emotional basket case wedding tyrant is a good way to do exactly that.

OP. They aren't worth it to me. Some people like big family events. Different strokes I guess. My wife and I got married on a beach in the Caribbean alone. It was romantic and memorable.

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Carrying the expectation that you are going to marry an emotional basket case wedding tyrant is a good way to do exactly that.


this is a joke. 90% of girls want a big wedding. lol @ it guaranteeing a basket case. there is a difference between a wedding tyrant, and wanting a big wedding.