Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

A girl I have liked (even convinced myself I am in love with, probably) for a long time, but who has been through a few sour relationships, keeping me as a "Best friend" the whole time, has recently (6 weeks?) gone on Paxil.

She is now "considering things" at her own initiative, not mine, between us.

SIIHP is not really that much of an option, there are too many emotional strings involved here.


Has anyone here known this kind of thing to happen? How much of it is Girl, and how much of it is Paxil-Girl?

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

Paxil can interfere with sex drive and arousal, even in young women. However, I'm confused--you say she has kept you as a "best friend" throughout the whole time, which suggests that your relationship/friendship has never been about sex.

So, what's changed?

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

It's now possible that it could go that route. She is considering going along with my always-been-open offer of a romantic relatipnship, which was not really a possibility made known to me in the past, though now she's making it pretty obvious that we could be very close to taking our relationship to a physical/etc level beyond being extremely close in intangible aspects.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

You have no chance. [censored] her mouth and ass, post about it, with pictures. What?

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

the paxil is having the opposite effect on her sex drive, she has told me numerous times she can't "get off" (in quotes to seem less crude lol) now due to the paxil.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
You have no chance. [censored] her mouth and ass, post about it, with pictures. What?

[/ QUOTE ]

I laughed... loud

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

I stopped taking Paxil and told my psychiatrist to F off when he acted like my greatly diminished sex drive was a side effect I should deal with.

Paxil can seriously ruin your sex life.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
It's now possible that it could go that route. She is considering going along with my always-been-open offer of a romantic relatipnship, which was not really a possibility made known to me in the past, though now she's making it pretty obvious that we could be very close to taking our relationship to a physical/etc level beyond being extremely close in intangible aspects.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wait...you're saying that since she has been on Paxil she is showing more interest in you sexually?

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

Yes sexually and just in terms of being more than "just friends". Both were explicitly brought up.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

I have never heard of Paxil increasing sex drive, and I know a lot about it for a laymen.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
the paxil is having the opposite effect on her sex drive, she has told me numerous times she can't "get off" (in quotes to seem less crude lol) now due to the paxil.

[/ QUOTE ]

So you've been hanging around forever in the "friend zone," convincing yourself that you are in love with a girl who is dishing to you like you are one of her girlfriends. And she now says she wants to get physical with you at the same time she is losing her sexual responsiveness.

This sounds like the plot to some John Hughes movie.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

lol exactly! though not sure about John Hughes movies, will google at some point.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

Paxil f'ed me up more than it did any help. Matter of fact, I don't think it did any help.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
I stopped taking Paxil and told my psychiatrist to F off when he acted like my greatly diminished sex drive was a side effect I should deal with.


[/ QUOTE ]

So he didn't offer you the option of taking a small dose of Wellbutrin along with the Paxil? Wellbutrin is very effective at counteracting the pesky sexual and fatiguing side effects of SSRIs.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

lol this girl has a crazy sex drive, she just can't "get off, even when I am trying!"

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

To be honest, you sound like a loser. Girls don't [censored] losers.

Keep it simple. Decide whether you want to [censored] her or not. Then act accordingly. The emotional stuff you talk about is just pent up sexual frustration combined with bitterness that she [censored] other guys while using you as a friend. Believe me, when you're grinding away in her [censored] none of that matters any more.

Stop worrying about doing the right thing all the time. And stop trying to find motivations for her actions. Maybe the Paxil is clouding her judgement. Maybe not. So what? She sounds like she's [censored] a few assholes already, so maybe her judgement wasn't that good to begin with. She sounds like she'd do better with you than her regular stallions anyway.

So start thinking about what you want or don't want, and act accordingly. It'll make you and your future girlfriends much happier.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
lol this girl has a crazy sex drive, she just can't "get off, even when I am trying!"

[/ QUOTE ]
Just offer to help her.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

Interesting. There wasn't anything in any of his posts that suggested he was a loser. You sound like a tool.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

Yah geez, sorry for not wanting to just screw anything that moves and looks my way (Or at least, acting on those desires [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] )

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
the paxil is having the opposite effect on her sex drive, she has told me numerous times she can't "get off" (in quotes to seem less crude lol) now due to the paxil.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is perfect, now you don't have to be bothered with annoyances like "technique" or "staying power"

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
Yah geez, sorry for not wanting to just screw anything that moves and looks my way (Or at least, acting on those desires [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] )

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[ QUOTE ]
A girl I have liked (even convinced myself I am in love with, probably) for a long time

[/ QUOTE ]
[img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

Took your post as the general OOT attitude of SIIHP first, think about it later attitude.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
the paxil is having the opposite effect on her sex drive, she has told me numerous times she can't "get off" (in quotes to seem less crude lol) now due to the paxil.

[/ QUOTE ]
This is perfect, now you don't have to be bothered with annoyances like "technique" or "staying power"

[/ QUOTE ]

Exactly. Just finish in 10 seconds and be like, "I'm just trying to save you the frustration!" Or... Plan B. Buy a vibrator and let her go to town for 2 hours or whatever and right when she's about to hit, get your [censored] in there and record a save. High fives and gatorade afterwards...

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

You hit the lottery and you're questioning ripping up the ticket? You'll always look back and wonder what if. And this is likely your one and only shot with her. Go for it.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

this is the only good girl thread in a LONG time - way to go Doc!

clarkmeisterisright

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
lol this girl has a crazy sex drive, she just can't "get off, even when I am trying!"

[/ QUOTE ]

Anorgasmia is pretty common with SSRIs. Get her to talk to her doctor about it. He may be able to prescribe bupropion or buspirone which might help.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

I'm not really sure she would appreciate my seeking OOT advice or "Hey, I looked up some [censored] you could take to try to get off" at this stage...

edit: Could go with the "Why don't you say something to the doc" route, but she also might just not want to do that.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
You hit the lottery and you're questioning ripping up the ticket? You'll always look back and wonder what if. And this is likely your one and only shot with her. Go for it.

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You suck, Clark. Now you got me thinking about that doe-eyed freshman whose dorm room I was in twenty years ago when I was teaching her psych 100 class. We were getting down to it, but I stopped and left, after I saw my graduate school standing and future career potentially going down in flames.

Clark...you're even worse than Bison.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
Yes sexually and just in terms of being more than "just friends". Both were explicitly brought up.

[/ QUOTE ]

So now that she's no longer as interested in sex, she finds you more attractive?

That doesn't sound too flattering.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
I'm not really sure she would appreciate my seeking OOT advice or "Hey, I looked up some [censored] you could take to try to get off" at this stage...

edit: Could go with the "Why don't you say something to the doc" route, but she also might just not want to do that.

[/ QUOTE ]

You can't be serious. She wouldn't like that you've taken an interest in her and looked something up? What, are you figuring she's afraid the encyclopedia might be snickering and telling tales to the thesaurus? Or think she would prefer disinterest, sexual discomfort on your part, or an inability to discuss important things with her?

Jeez man, get some macho going.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'm not really sure she would appreciate my seeking OOT advice or "Hey, I looked up some [censored] you could take to try to get off" at this stage...

edit: Could go with the "Why don't you say something to the doc" route, but she also might just not want to do that.

[/ QUOTE ]

You can't be serious. She wouldn't like that you've taken an interest in her and looked something up? What, are you figuring she's afraid the encyclopedia might be snickering and telling tales to the thesaurus? Or think she would prefer disinterest, sexual discomfort on your part, or an inability to discuss important things with her?

Jeez man, get some macho going.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the right answer. You sound scared of this girl. You're so in awe of her and your feelings for her that you're constantly analyzing and plotting and worrying about what not to do. Girls don't take off their panties for guys like this very often...and girls don't subsequently want meaningful romantic relationships with guys like this very often.

Girls take their panties off for and want romantic relationships with guys that exude natural male confidence. The naysayer earlier in the thread was crude in calling you a loser...but some of what he said made a lot of sense. Decide what YOU want out of this, and then do the things that will give you a chance at getting those things. If you want a romantic relationship, push for that...don't give her an open-ended offer. That's horse [censored]. Girls won't respond to a "I'll be here if you ever decide you wanna f me." Girls respond to a guy who says, "I'm into you...I want to be with you, not be your girlfriend. If you want that, then that'd make me really happy and let's go for it. If you don't, I'm gonna move on and not torture myself and waste time in the same breath. Take some time to think about this if you need to, and let me know what you decide. I want you...if you want me, lemme know."

That she's even told you she's "considering" getting romantic with you is all the motivation you will EVER get from her to attempt this move. Who cares how much is Paxil and how much is her being a girl. Get what you want out of life if at all possible. If what you want is this girl, be willing to risk your torturous "friendship" with her to get what you REALLY want. And if you get it, don't f it up by questioning the motives...just be happy, be a good guy, have some fun, and see where it leads. If you don't get her...don't fret, just break things off with her and move on.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

You suck, Clark. Now you got me thinking about that doe-eyed freshman whose dorm room I was in twenty years ago when I was teaching her psych 100 class. We were getting down to it, but I stopped and left, after I saw my graduate school standing and future career potentially going down in flames.

Clark...you're even worse than Bison.

Hey, if you'd violated your self-hating Yankee ethics, you never would have fallen for the woman who'd later become your lesbian ex-wife. And really, I bet that story rips it up at the local cardroom.

See, now aren't you glad you denied yourself your one true chance at happiness in this life?

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
she's making it pretty obvious that we could be very close to taking our relationship to a physical/etc level

[/ QUOTE ]

Results? Have you made a move?

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

No though tonight I was in her room for quite a while (also see the 24 thread) and the temptation to just attempt to kiss her was very strong. alas, I lack cajones

(Plus the fact that we have TALKED about this, and she has made clear that she is *thinking*, means that I am not sure if it would be appropriate for me to make a move at this point...that'd be kind of pushing the issue which she has requested time on)

edit: any suggestion for a way to make a move which would both be subtle enough to be appropriate given the fact that she has told me she wants time, but at the same time making my own thoughts on the issue pretty clear, would be good. if there is such a way, anyway. most suggestions will probably involve something that wouldn't be appropriate given the current state of our friendship and this whole issue.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
No though tonight I was in her room for quite a while (also see the 24 thread) and the temptation to just attempt to kiss her was very strong. alas, I lack cajones

(Plus the fact that we have TALKED about this, and she has made clear that she is *thinking*, means that I am not sure if it would be appropriate for me to make a move at this point...that'd be kind of pushing the issue which she has requested time on)

[/ QUOTE ]

no, no, no. It's the perfect time! Heck, she's probabaly thinking "I spent all this time with him tonight and despite being obvious that I'm interested, he didn't make a move. Maybe he's just not into me that way." Why are you waiting for her to pick you up?

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

as you soon as you make the move she'll go for it. just do it. if you really have a strong friendship and this turns out to be a mistake it wont be a big deal.

edit: subtle yet appropriate move basically involves pulling her face towards yours.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

because I've been professing my undying love while intoxicated to her for over a year now, and she only just recently began to consider the possibility of it being reciprocated, though we have been extremely close friends the whole time (Think Biggie lyrics: "closer than the average girls supposed to be...people swore we was fckin' but we was just cool" ...describes this relationship perfectly)

she is well aware of MY intentions/feelings as i have made plenty of moves. she put the ball in her own court with our last serious discussion, by asking for time.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

I guess I oughta sack up and just try it. Unfortunately, 2nd semester thermo quiz weds, 2 exams before noon on thursday, and a gi-friggin-normous thermo assignment due on friday means that tonight was really my last chance till Friday. And there is a third party that could set me a step back in the progress that may have been made this evening, simply by reminding her that she already has the opportunity for whatever physical play she wants without the silly strings attached [though this has not been a factor for over 6 months, he has recently re-established contact with her, and she is not being entirely open about what exactly is going to go on with this. so far, nothing has happened.].

Just gotta hope they don't make any plans between now and friday night, i guess.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

I just realized another complication in the matter (assuming 3rd party guy is not a problem. I am going to pretend he doesn't exist: she did not go to his house with his parents this weekend and two weekends ago, she does not invite him over to watch jeopardy/wheel of fortune / start watching 24 out of the blue with him etc, etc. I win, regardless of how much physical contact he has made with her.)

this last friday night, before drinking, we made a rule that we actually enforced at one point when the conversation turned down a possibly dangerous road, that we were not going to discuss "important things" while intoxicated.

if/when we hang out friday night (i'm taking it for granted, i would like to think this will not depend on 3rd party guy, again, there has been nothing in terms of this guy for 6 months and only in the last 3 days has his re-appearance been made known to me, so i have NO idea if she is going to even see this guy ever again...i know she was talking to him on AIM today, but do not know nor do i want to know details) there will be alcohol involved.

"discussing things" and moving in to try to kiss her are not really distinguishable in this context right? I don't want to break our established code because i feel like forcing the decision to be made sooner than she is ready.

Re: Female on Paxil, Things have changed
 

[ QUOTE ]
No though tonight I was in her room for quite a while (also see the 24 thread) and the temptation to just attempt to kiss her was very strong. alas, I lack cajones

(Plus the fact that we have TALKED about this, and she has made clear that she is *thinking*, means that I am not sure if it would be appropriate for me to make a move at this point...that'd be kind of pushing the issue which she has requested time on)

edit: any suggestion for a way to make a move which would both be subtle enough to be appropriate given the fact that she has told me she wants time, but at the same time making my own thoughts on the issue pretty clear, would be good. if there is such a way, anyway. most suggestions will probably involve something that wouldn't be appropriate given the current state of our friendship and this whole issue.


[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
because I've been professing my undying love while intoxicated to her for over a year now, and she only just recently began to consider the possibility of it being reciprocated, though we have been extremely close friends the whole time (Think Biggie lyrics: "closer than the average girls supposed to be...people swore we was fckin' but we was just cool" ...describes this relationship perfectly)

she is well aware of MY intentions/feelings as i have made plenty of moves. she put the ball in her own court with our last serious discussion, by asking for time.


[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
I guess I oughta sack up and just try it. Unfortunately, 2nd semester thermo quiz weds, 2 exams before noon on thursday, and a gi-friggin-normous thermo assignment due on friday means that tonight was really my last chance till Friday. And there is a third party that could set me a step back in the progress that may have been made this evening, simply by reminding her that she already has the opportunity for whatever physical play she wants without the silly strings attached [though this has not been a factor for over 6 months, he has recently re-established contact with her, and she is not being entirely open about what exactly is going to go on with this. so far, nothing has happened.].

Just gotta hope they don't make any plans between now and friday night, i guess.



[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
I just realized another complication in the matter (assuming 3rd party guy is not a problem. I am going to pretend he doesn't exist: she did not go to his house with his parents this weekend and two weekends ago, she does not invite him over to watch jeopardy/wheel of fortune / start watching 24 out of the blue with him etc, etc. I win, regardless of how much physical contact he has made with her.)

this last friday night, before drinking, we made a rule that we actually enforced at one point when the conversation turned down a possibly dangerous road, that we were not going to discuss "important things" while intoxicated.

if/when we hang out friday night (i'm taking it for granted, i would like to think this will not depend on 3rd party guy, again, there has been nothing in terms of this guy for 6 months and only in the last 3 days has his re-appearance been made known to me, so i have NO idea if she is going to even see this guy ever again...i know she was talking to him on AIM today, but do not know nor do i want to know details) there will be alcohol involved.

"discussing things" and moving in to try to kiss her are not really distinguishable in this context right? I don't want to break our established code because i feel like forcing the decision to be made sooner than she is ready.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good god man - take a look at yourself! You're a wreck. You owe it to yourself to get this over with and take your best shot.