girl troubles
 

Ok so I'm 20 years old and I have been in a relationship for almost two years now. We met when we were freshmen in college now we are juniors. For the first year or so she was real laid back and didnt really care too much what I did, I wasnt doing anything bad but she just seemed to trust me more hanging out with my friends and stuff. But as of the last few months in a twisted bit of logic she questions everything I do. We have had a few major fights and near breakups.

Last week I decided that I just didn't care if we broke up. I am hating being tied down, it's just not my style. It's why I moved out of my parents house as soon as I turned 18. But, tonight we were just sitting around and we got in a small argument about something(that tells you how small) and she says, "why are we fighting all the time now?" I tell her I dont know, although I assume I have probably been acting different because of my recent change of heart, and she has probably caught on.

Long story I know, sorry. So we had a very awkward night after that and she didn't say much and now I think we both know how close we are to breaking up. But even though this is what I thought I wanted, I feel horrible seeing her hurt and I'm wondering if I might be making a mistake. I have lots of other stuff to fall back on that I don't get to participate in with a girlfriend though, a fraternity, road trips, poker at the casino, ect.

I dont really know what I'm asking anyone for, maybe just someone in a similar situation or someone who had a similar thing happen and can say how it worked out. I mean, she has freaked me out a little talking about getting married and what she wants to name our kids and all kinds of stuff. I think I am definitely too young for this stuff. I guess I just needed to vent. Replies appreciated though

Re: girl troubles
 

wowwww

Re: girl troubles
 

If you don't want kids and she's talking about the kids' names, DO NOT HAVE SEX. Even if she's on the pill, she could "forget" etc. Take a break...

Re: girl troubles
 

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If you don't want kids and she's talking about the kids' names, DO NOT HAVE SEX . Even if she's on the pill, she could "forget" etc. Take a break...

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sounds easy enough...
or does it?!?!?!

Re: girl troubles
 

I have been in a very similar situation. breaking up from a serious relationship ALWAYS makes you feel bad, even if you are certain it is what you want. I think this is because the relationship would never have become serious is there was not something in the girl you thought was great. As you approach the breakup, the nice part of you starts reminding you of why you liked her so much, because you feel that you will be an [censored] if you do not consider it, if you just chuck away however long a period of time without some reflection first.

Conclusion: Just because it suddenly feels wrong before you breakup, does not mean anything has changed, it is standard. Push on with it if your mind knows it should be over. FOr about a month you might wonder if you did the right thing, then after that you will feel about 100lbs lighter.

Re: girl troubles
 

standard oneitis. If it doesnt feel good, it's not good for you.

Re: girl troubles
 

Ooooh. These threads are fun.

Re: girl troubles
 

Break it off. A girl was in the same situation with my brother and said she was on the pill. Then she got pregnant.

Nothing good can/will come from stringing her along. End it before you do more damage.

- C -

Re: girl troubles
 

Your feelings > Her feelings. So break up LDO.

Re: girl troubles
 

Run

Re: girl troubles
 

You both have an emotional attachment to each other. You still like/love each other. You are now figuring out that you do not share the same short term goals and are starting to notice incompatibilities that you overlooked early in your relationship. So far, this seems pretty normal.

Looks like you are heading for a break-up. You are young and you will get over it. So will she if she is like 95% of women. Why do you think there is hit song with the title "Breaking Up is Hard to Do?"

Re: girl troubles
 

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she has freaked me out a little talking about getting married and what she wants to name our kids and all kinds of stuff. I think I am definitely too young for this stuff. I guess I just needed to vent. Replies appreciated though

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you both are obviously looking for different things in your lives right now. Breaking up is hard, especially after such a long time (2 yrs is long at your age) but it's probably the right thing for now. Don't continue on in a relationship that you secretly dread just because you don't want to hurt her or hope it will get better.

Re: girl troubles
 

I was saying the very same thing to a friend of mine the other day. If you are constantly questioning whether you should continue in a relationship, the answer is almost always that its time to break up. It sounds like if you stay together, you will be doing it for the wrong reasons...fear of being hurt, fear of her being hurt, fear of being the a$$hole doing the dumping etc. It's cool to be looking out for eachothers feelings, but staying with someone for the sake of it is no way to live.

Break up with her, and you will look back in a few months and be happy that you did the right thing. As long as you do what you think is right, there's nothing else to worry about

Re: girl troubles
 

When she asked you what was wrong you should have told her instead of saying I dont know. Telling her that you feel like she isn't giving you as much space as before is smothering you and making you have doubts.

She might not even know that she is doing it. If it doesnt change than you can break up. You've invested 2 years of your life and it would be a mistake to just break up before trying to work things out, and you can't work things out if you don't tell her what's bothering you.

Re: girl troubles
 

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Hit and Run

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Re: girl troubles
 

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standard oneitis. If it doesnt feel good, it's not good for you.

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You are stupid.

Re: girl troubles
 

Be honest with yourself, and then be honest with her.

If you want to end the relationship, that's your perfect right, but I'd say you owe it to her to be honest and forthright.

On the other hand, if you want the relationship to continue, but only if certain things change, then you owe it to yourself to explain that to her. It's quite possible that she herself is not exactly over the moon with how things are going right now and will have changes of her own she'd like to introduce.

Relationships can be difficult.

Good Luck to Both of You

Re: girl troubles
 

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wowwww

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I'm surprised/disappointed you didn't post your 99 problems graph.

Re: girl troubles
 

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standard oneitis. If it doesnt feel good, it's not good for you.

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You are stupid.

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How come you're saying that to me and not to the guys who says stuff like "your feelings >her feelings" etc, it's exactly the same thing just condensed. OP's would obviously be better off/happier without the broad.

Re: girl troubles
 

Thanks for all the replies guys. Most of them were helpful. Besides the one liners that really serve no purpose.

Re: girl troubles
 

she doesnt trust you as much anymore, because she prolly cheated on you

anyway, you already know what to do, so just do it. Its tough and its really hard to hurt someone, but shell get over it. In the end youll be doing her a favor cuz its a diservice to her to drag out your relationship for however much longer unitl you get the balls to break up with her, cuz thats just that much more of her life shes wasted in a situation that isnt ever going to go where she wants, and it will be just that much longer before she can get over you and move on.

Re: girl troubles
 

This is basically how all of my longterm relationships ended. And I never knew whether or not i really wanted them to end so the way I ended up breaking up with them was always terrible. My only advice is just make up your mind and then go with your decision, things will work themselves out better from there.

Re: girl troubles
 

I'm going through it right now, post on what happens

Re: girl troubles
 

well so as of last night we are on a "break". I coped by drinking a thirty pack with one of my boys from high school. I can't stop thinking about her but I think this will be for the best. If we cant go a week without each other then maybe we will work things out and get back together.

Re: girl troubles
 

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If we cant go a week without each other then maybe we will work things out and get back together.

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This is backward. Wait at least a month and if you still both have feelings then *consider* changing your mind. Of course, you will still have strong feelings in a week.