worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

first a poker hand to keep this thread kosher

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ifoundnemo23 [Ah Jc]
dukeofearle: calls 20
bighough: folds
Vlohriz: folds
vasky: folds
Kingski: calls 20
Edje62: calls 20
ifoundnemo23: raises 100 to 120
P4ter: folds
TorBamsen: folds
dukeofearle: calls 100
Kingski: folds
Edje62: calls 100
*** FLOP *** [7c Tc Ts]
dukeofearle: checks
Edje62: bets 200
ifoundnemo23: raises 900 to 1100 and is all-in
dukeofearle: calls 1100
Edje62: folds
*** TURN *** [7c Tc Ts] [8c]
*** RIVER *** [7c Tc Ts 8c] [5h]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
dukeofearle: shows [9d 8h] (two pair, Tens and Eights)
ifoundnemo23: shows [Ah Jc] (a pair of Tens)
dukeofearle collected 2810 from pot

lol donkaments

anyway, got blown by a girl who had never given head before. she bit on my dick. it hurt real bad. then it bled. a lot.

in hindsight the proper play there would be to [censored] her anyway, leave, and leave a note saying "i have aids"

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

Mine is so bad I seriously can't talk about it.

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[x]villain had the best hand
[x]thread delivers


i hope you really wrote a note saying "i have aids"

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

yo mammy was eating mah ass and then i farted right in her face

owned u dumb ho

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
Mine is so bad I seriously can't talk about it.

[/ QUOTE ]

ALIENS

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

i had a girl throw up in my bed/on me during freshman initiation. she wasnt even the girl i was hooking up with. it was her friend, who i had walked back to her dorm earlier. this girl was too drunk to move so i shared my bed with her. so she [censored] blocked me them puked on me...

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

once a girl didn't swallow

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

one time I was finally just startin to get in the right mood, so I start pissin in this chick, but she freaks out cuz she doesn't believe that's what I'm doing

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

had sex, fell asleep, woke up an hour later and she had pissed the bed. a lot.

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
one time I was finally just startin to get in the right mood, so I start pissin in this chick, but she freaks out cuz she doesn't believe that's what I'm doing

[/ QUOTE ]

nice try

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
anyway, got blown by a girl who had never given head before. she bit on my dick. it hurt real bad. then it bled. a lot.

in hindsight the proper play there would be to [censored] her anyway, leave, and leave a note saying "i have aids"

[/ QUOTE ]
Next day you get a voice mail saying "I'm sorry, I should have told you"

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

you guys suck if you are getting bad head. Take the girls finger or thumb and suck on it and show her how its done.

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

fish sauce from pho..

gag

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
you guys suck if you are getting bad head. Take the girls finger or thumb and suck on it and show her how its done.

[/ QUOTE ] [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] WHAT?

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
you guys suck if you are getting bad head. Take the girls finger or thumb and suck on it and show her how its done.

[/ QUOTE ]

Not many of us have experience sucking on dick like you would Dan

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
you guys suck if you are getting bad head. Take the girls finger or thumb and suck on it and show her how its done.

[/ QUOTE ]Reminds me of my favorite: [censored] a girl from behind and having her suck on your finger like a [censored] at the same time. Everyone needs to try it.

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
you guys suck if you are getting bad head. Take the girls finger or thumb and suck on it and show her how its done.

[/ QUOTE ]
Dan Bright is one of 2+2s best gimmick accounts.

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

Driving around with friends. I see a bunch of girls, and yell out the window trying pick pick up on them. We pull over, and start talking to them. We walk down to the beach, and each of us pairs off with one. It was funny. My buff kinda hunky friend pairs off with a girl that looks like a supermodel. My fatass friend pairs off with a chubby british girl. I pair off with a pretty cute looking blonde girl who was sorta hippyish. We get down there and all split up. I'm making out all hardcorely with the blonde, and I start fingering her. My buff friend and the supermodel are running around the water 100% butt ass naked. My fatass loser friend is just kissing the chubbo brit b/c they were both dumb pathetic virgins.

Then the river card hits. I pull down my pants to start getting head, and the girl unloads about a half gallon of vomit on my junk before her lips even touch my pork sword.

After that, all the girls decided they needed to go. No one got laid.

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

I wrote about this in the pissing-in-girls thread, but I had my ex-gf (the girl who i lost my virginity to, actually) pee on me while she was cumming. and no it was def not squirting.

also, having your dick chewed on a little bit pwns.

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
also, having your dick bit a little bit pwns.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, I've had a bunch of different girls do this, and I've never bled.

I think OP was the victim of a girl's version of the dirty sanchez, and she prob bragged about it afterwards to all her friends. No way she didn't do this on purpose.

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
first a poker hand to keep this thread kosher

*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to ifoundnemo23 [Ah Jc]
dukeofearle: calls 20
bighough: folds
Vlohriz: folds
vasky: folds
Kingski: calls 20
Edje62: calls 20
ifoundnemo23: raises 100 to 120
P4ter: folds
TorBamsen: folds
dukeofearle: calls 100
Kingski: folds
Edje62: calls 100
*** FLOP *** [7c Tc Ts]
dukeofearle: checks
Edje62: bets 200
ifoundnemo23: raises 900 to 1100 and is all-in
dukeofearle: calls 1100
Edje62: folds
*** TURN *** [7c Tc Ts] [8c]
*** RIVER *** [7c Tc Ts 8c] [5h]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
dukeofearle: shows [9d 8h] (two pair, Tens and Eights)
ifoundnemo23: shows [Ah Jc] (a pair of Tens)
dukeofearle collected 2810 from pot

lol donkaments

anyway, got blown by a girl who had never given head before. she bit on my dick. it hurt real bad. then it bled. a lot.

in hindsight the proper play there would be to [censored] her anyway, and while [censored] her whisper in her ear "i have aids"

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

OK I have to set up the story a bit, me and my boy would chill with this chick and get her high at my house everyday after school back when I was in high school. ( the chick's family is from the middle east and are very traditional) One day her mom comes banging on my day and yelling like crazy and my boy answers the door and she just storms past him up to my room where we are chilling. It turns into a big mess where shes yelling that she is gonna call the cops on me and I tell her to leave my house.

Fast foward about a month and me and the chick were starting to have the sexy time, so IM in her for like a minute and she freaks out saying that she thinks she hears her mom yelling for her and freaks out and leaves. Im just left there like wtf?

she had a kid a while after that and still comes around but is beat looking now, just the weirdest thing ever that happened to me

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
in hindsight the proper play there would be to [censored] her anyway, leave, and leave a note saying "i have aids"

[/ QUOTE ]

joke or not, you're just a [censored] idiot

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
in hindsight the proper play there would be to [censored] her anyway, leave, and leave a note saying "i have aids"

[/ QUOTE ]

joke or not, you're just a [censored] idiot

[/ QUOTE ]

i disagree

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

this one time i forgot that i was making turkey hands out of construction paper and had glue on my hand still

oh noes!

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

Even if you dick was bleeding and you were [censored] a girl, isn't it still pretty unlikely that you'd give her AIDS?

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
in hindsight the proper play there would be to [censored] her anyway, leave, and leave a note saying "i have aids"

[/ QUOTE ]

joke or not, you're just a [censored] genius

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

Not sure I want to go into detail, but it involved, in order: struggling with the condom, me losing my erection, her crying, me getting it up again, me losing my virginity, a tattered condom, and a pregnancy.

In retrospect, I played every street badly and got bad-beat too.

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
you guys suck if you are getting bad head. Take the girls finger or thumb and suck on it and show her how its done.

[/ QUOTE ]

Not many of us have experience sucking on dick like you would Dan

[/ QUOTE ]

If you know what good head is and you know what bad head is, can you figure out the difference? Can you show her the difference on her finger?

Im not a gimmic account unless my whole life is a gimmic account

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
Not sure I want to go into detail, but it involved, in order: struggling with the condom, me losing my erection, her crying, me getting it up again, me losing my virginity, a tattered condom, and a pregnancy.

In retrospect, I played every street badly and got bad-beat too.

[/ QUOTE ]

potd

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

virgin sexaments

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
Not sure I want to go into detail, but it involved, in order: struggling with the condom, me losing my erection, her crying, me getting it up again, me losing my virginity, a tattered condom, and a pregnancy.

In retrospect, I played every street badly and got bad-beat too.

[/ QUOTE ]

WINNAR!!!!!

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

I still have the best, but you will never hear it. Hahahaha.


Actually, it's not that great, but I'm a prude so it really grosses me out to think about it.

Cliff's notes:

-I drive 3 hours to [censored] an internet girl who ends up being 5 years older than her picture.
-She has floppy [censored]
-She has a jungle downstairs (which grosses me out a little)
-We have terrrrrible chemistry in the half hour we spent together pre-sex.
-She reveals she's on her period (which absolutely disgusts me) but I soldier on since I drove 3 [censored] hours.
-I find out her baby is sleeping in a crib right next to her bed which we are [censored] in. Put this together with the previous point, and I have to reaaaally concentrate on happy thoughts to maintain a 75% erection.
-She pisses on my hand.
-I nearly puke, and drive 3 hours home with piss on my hand and blood on my dick.

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

was getting head in girlfriend's basement while watching the simpsons, best day of my life (age 16) until her 10 yr old brother drops down into the window well head first and starts banging on the window. her psycho mom sent him to spy on us. I am thinkin she was promiscuous in middle school, because a year earlier before we went to homecoming, like a week after i met her, her mom says "no bj's tonight" to her before she gets in the limo.

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

grey wins close thread

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

[ QUOTE ]
http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r...ff/DogPuke.gif

[/ QUOTE ]
Which one is you?

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

Took home a girl and was too wasted to keep it up for more than 5 minutes at a time

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

omg grey no wonder you're such a nit. i'm sorry.

Re: worst sexual experience you\'ve ever had
 

i met this cute freshman girl at a party last year. she was drunk and i was buzzed but able to focus somewhat. we start to dance and she begins shovin her hand down my pants. i ask her if she wants to go back to my place...

fast forward and im [censored] her brains out when out of no where she goes, "STOP! You're gonna call me tomorrow right?" that took me a bit off guard but i say yea of course dollface and continue teh sex despite having a feeling this bitch was not quite right in the head. after were done and im about to pass out she goes, "My friends told me that losing your virginity was painful but it def wasn't! Oh, by the way, my parents are coming in a week and they would love to meet you!"

my first reaction was, WTFFFFF HOW CAN YOU BE A VIRGIN AND NOT TELL ME BEFOREHAND??? my second reaction was, omg this bitch is crazy...i met her drunk at a party, [censored] her, and she wants to introduce me to her parents???

anyway, i pass out planning on dealing with it in the morning. when we wake up and i begin tellin her that i didnt want anything serious she flipped a [censored] and begins yelling and screaming like a [censored] hyena. im laying down in my bed completely ignoring her just thinking to myself 'prob not gonna bang her again...'

she finally storms out threatening never to talk to me again but then proceeds to call 24 times in the next 9 hours leaving voicemails every time as i obv never picked up. the voicemails ranged from 'omg im so sorry, please forgive me!' to '[censored] YOU PIECE OF [censored] JEW [censored]. I HOPE YOU [censored] DIE BY GETTING [censored] BY A [censored] [censored] [censored]!' needless to say i never talked to her again.