How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s Notes
 

A friend of Krantz' from college works for an entertainment company in Vegas. He claims to have connections all over the city and says he can find us a juicy high-stakes no-limit game with some total whales. Krantz, whitelime, and I immediately ask him to do it and he tells us a few hours later that he's found a game with 4 total billionaire fish. There's a catch though: they want to play 300-600 NL with a minimum 100k buy-in and they want to play 2 internet players. Or so he says.

As a result of this, the three of us (mostly me, but whatever) spent 2 days calling everyone we know who might want to buy a piece of our action seeing if we could raise 500k. After dozens of text messages and phone calls to raise money, we then spent a day figuring out which two players were going to play, with players backing out and other players getting pissed that they were passed over. We also had to make 3 separate trips to the bank to get cash which is a pain. So long story short, this was a giant pain in the ass.

The whole two days we kept pressing this guy for details and he just insisted that these were 4 wealthy businessmen who wanted to play high stakes against some internet players and didn't give a [censored]. So tonight, after a final dinner between all the investors, we decide to put in Jman28 and flawless (with each of them playing mostly their action and not each other's so that there's no incentive to collude) and we go to the Wynn poker room to meet the fish. Turns out there are only 2 of them so we can't guarantee that only fish will play (because the other two seats will stay open). Then they see Jman28, recognize him from somewhere (maybe the avatars or maybe from a TV show he was on), and realize we're internet players and refuse to play us. The game never goes.

So here's why we hate this guy: first, he was a real prick about his finder's fee and kept demanding the 10k up front so that we wouldn't screw him over, which is obviously very insulting. He also kept jerking us around changing the details, at one point working on getting Phil Ivey and Howard Lederer to play so that he could feel like a hotshot even though we obviously don't want to play them. He also tried getting us to play at the fish's apartment and gave us a hard time for not feeling safe taking 500k to some stranger's place. Every time we asked him for details about who the two guys were he just evaded our questions and in con-man style just told us to trust him and everything would be all right.

TLDR: Douchebag strings us along for 2 days promising us high-stakes game with 4 fish who want to play against young internet players when he was just lying. We waste two days scrounging up 500k and haggling with this guy.

So, what should we do to him? Krantz wants to hire a tranvestite to hang out with us, introduce this guy to the transvestite, and have them go home together. We are open to suggestions: anything that doesn't involve a hitman or physical abuse.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

did you give him the 10k?

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

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did you give him the 10k?

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yah he gave it back though when the game didn't go

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

well, i let it go, then.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

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well, i let it go, then.

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I don't think my OP sufficiently emphasized what a giant douchebag this guy is.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

Kill him and bury him in the desert.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

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well, i egg his car, then.

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Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

[ QUOTE ]
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well, i let it go, then.

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I don't think my OP sufficiently emphasized what a giant douchebag this guy is.

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in that case:

1. ask him to get some more guys
2. meet him at taco bell to discuss
3. order extra large drink and chalupa
4. tell him you forgot your wallet
5. profit

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
well, i let it go, then.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think my OP sufficiently emphasized what a giant douchebag this guy is.

[/ QUOTE ]

in that case:

1. ask him to get some more guys
2. meet him at taco bell to discuss
3. order extra large drink and chalupa
4. tell him you forgot your wallet
5. profit

[/ QUOTE ]

wow, your stock has definitely gone way up from since the beginning o ft his thread.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

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wow, your stock has definitely gone way up from since the beginning o ft his thread.

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yeah, but i lost a lot shorting google

Post deleted by Mat Sklansky
 

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

Huggle?

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

[ QUOTE ]
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did you give him the 10k?

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yah he gave it back though when the game didn't go

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doesn't seem like he was trying to scam you then...paying you back was a decent move on his part...he could have tried to weasle out of this

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He kept insisting that we could make over a million dollars against some foreign businessmen (which we obv realized was an overstatement), and the players didn't even seem that awful. I'm on such mega-life tilt right now.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

not to mention this guy almost convinced us to invest in his company a few months later...promising sponsorships outright in the wsop tournies this summer. he has probalby wasted about 10 hours of my life, but hey, got a few free dinners out of it because i have won a bunch of credit card roulette's in a row after my debacle in aruba...

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

this is a definite beat, nothing pisses me off more than waiting on someone else to do something once im ready to get goin.. especially when the thing you'll be doing is probably pwning a bunch of idiots for a lot of money.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

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not to mention this guy almost convinced us to invest in his company a few months later...

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When did this happen? If it was months ago and you are just writing about it now I am confused.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

you guys should make him hang out with max when max is blackout drunk. it's the ultimate torture!

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

tell him you have a business offer that returns 300% profit over 3 years on his initial investment.

Update him peridocially telling him the percentages his money have gained.

At the end of a predetermiend period of time, tell him the company is on the verge of collapse and his intial investment is now back to 0% gain.

Return to him in same manor as he returned your finders fee.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s Notes
 

[ QUOTE ]
So, what should we do to him? Krantz wants to hire a tranvestite to hang out with us, introduce this guy to the transvestite, and have them go home together.

[/ QUOTE ]


Make sure the tranny has a good chunk of STD's.


Another fun one would be to pay someone to cut his tire valve stems off on his car...thats always amusing.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
well, i let it go, then.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think my OP sufficiently emphasized what a giant douchebag this guy is.

[/ QUOTE ]

in that case:

1. ask him to get some more guys
2. meet him at taco bell to discuss
3. order extra large drink and chalupa
4. tell him you forgot your wallet
5. profit

[/ QUOTE ]

This is really an awesome post.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
well, i let it go, then.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think my OP sufficiently emphasized what a giant douchebag this guy is.

[/ QUOTE ]

in that case:

1. ask him to get some more guys
2. meet him at taco bell to discuss
3. order extra large drink and chalupa
4. tell him you forgot your wallet
5. profit

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL.
I admit though, I was hoping there would be a step that involved someone punting a chalupa.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

Purchasing chalupas is pointless unless you enjoy the crispy chewy deliciousness of said chalupa.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

[ QUOTE ]
tell him you have a business offer that returns 300% profit over 3 years on his initial investment.

Update him peridocially telling him the percentages his money have gained.

At the end of a predetermiend period of time, tell him the company is on the verge of collapse and his intial investment is now back to 0% gain.

Return to him in same manor as he returned your finders fee.

[/ QUOTE ]
Nice. Punishment fits the crime.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

Did it ever occur to you that you might have been the ones getting played? [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

i'm assuming you haven't rickrolld him yet

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s Notes
 

you guys are too smart to think this was ever actually going to happen as described.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

You should kidnap him and force him to watch Rick Astley's 'Never Gonna Give You Up' on repeat a-la-Clockwork-Orange.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

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He kept insisting that we could make over a million dollars against some foreign businessmen (which we obv realized was an overstatement), and the players didn't even seem that awful. I'm on such mega-life tilt right now.

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1. Give his phone number to Brandi
2. Tell her he is rich and lonely yadada
3. ???
4. Jackpot

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

judging from his actions, i'm sure he suffers enough just waking up in the morning

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

Send in subscriptions to embarasing magazines in the victim's name. Make sure to check "Bill Me".

Send off a request in the victims name to numerous foriegn postage stamp bureaus requesting ordering information, to be put on mailing lists, etc. The response is quite astounding.

Get change of address cards from the post office and change the victim's address to someplace like Guam.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

Put his dick in your mouth and take a picture so everyone realizes how gay he is.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

in a week i'll be out there. we'll go out with this kid. i will refuse to call him by his real name and simply call him Tommy the whole time, regardless of how many times corrected. Until he finds it funny at which point i will ask him his real name and tell him that's a stupid name. Also, i will spill 4 drinks on him, 3 of which i will blame on him, the 4th on jay. I will also sit akwardly close to him at all times. We will rig credit card roullette and he will be forced to pay the bill. I will put buttered bread in his pocket, and later, when he discovers it, call him a fatty.

If this does not amuse you, i would just tell him to set it up again, promise a $20k finders fee if he can get 4 people to show up this time, and then, obv, not show up.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

[ QUOTE ]
in a week i'll be out there. we'll go out with this kid. i will refuse to call him by his real name and simply call him Tommy the whole time, regardless of how many times corrected. Until he finds it funny at which point i will ask him his real name and tell him that's a stupid name. Also, i will spill 4 drinks on him, 3 of which i will blame on him, the 4th on jay. I will also sit akwardly close to him at all times. We will rig credit card roullette and he will be forced to pay the bill. I will put buttered bread in his pocket, and later, when he discovers it, call him a fatty.

If this does not amuse you, i would just tell him to set it up again, promise a $20k finders fee if he can get 4 people to show up this time, and then, obv, not show up.

[/ QUOTE ]

winnar

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s Notes
 

[ QUOTE ]
So, what should we do to him?

[/ QUOTE ]

Tickets to Zumanity FTW.

Re: Clockwork Astley
 

http://www.adamrichardson.com/2p2/clockwork-astley1.jpg


http://www.adamrichardson.com/2p2/clockwork-astley2.jpg

Re: Clockwork Astley
 

awesome, obv

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

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you guys are too smart to think this was ever actually going to happen as described.

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Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

Tell him you know a hot poker pro in town for the WSOP, perfect for him.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

[ QUOTE ]
you guys are too smart to think this was ever actually going to happen as described.

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We were obvoiusly skeptical of his overly outlandish claims about these people, but we figured the worst case scenario is getting 4 random people for 100k buy-in game.

Re: How Should We Make This Guy Suffer? Slightly Long, with Cliff\'s N
 

The next time there is a big fight in Vegas, tell your friend that you hook him up with 2 ringside seats for $1K, which you need in advance. Take said money, and keep telling how awesome the seats are gonna be, what a great fight it's gonna be, etc. etc. When he asks for the tix, of course you keep telling him to trust you, they are on their way, they're gonna be soooo sweeeeet, etc. etc.

On the day of the fight, you meet up with him, return his $1K, and give him a pair of tickets to a Las Vegas Wranglers (minor league baseball) game. You apologize, "I'm sorry dude. I guess my connections in this city aren't anywhere close to what I thought they were."