social anxiety
 

i just realized recently that as i get older, my social anxiety is getting worse and worse. i've always had it, but have been able to deawl with it well in the past, and be as normal as possible, but as i get older, i want to go out less and less.

this includes, and strangely enough, is sometimes worse with friends. like i'll have no problem being alone and out and about, or going to a bar, but meeting a group of friends is less and less appealling to me.

does anyone else have this kind of experience? anyone else dealign with this?

how screwed am i?

p.s. i'm poor and therapy is probably not an option.

Re: social anxiety
 

wait - do you just not want to hang out with friends or are you actually more nervous hanging out with them?

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
wait - do you just not want to hang out with friends or are you actually more nervous hanging out with them?

[/ QUOTE ]

i want to hang out with them, but i'm anxious about hanging out with them in any numbers greater then like 2-3, and for any lengths greater then an hour or two.

sometimes if there's a party or bbq, i'll be excited to see people, then when i get home, i just want to go home and hideaway.

also sometimes there'll be somethign going on with a big group, and i'll think of every excuse mentally, not to go.

i've also been dealing with some depression, so i'm sure that plays into it.

Re: social anxiety
 

take a class in something you enjoy. go travelling. just find unpressured environments where you can meet people. and make sure you're hammered whenever you leave the house.

Re: social anxiety
 

I feel the same way odd, I have this problem too. Not exactly the same, but maybe we are just ment to be lone wolfs.

Re: social anxiety
 

I can sorta relate, but I can't tell you if it gets any better or not. I usualy don't have a problem unless the event I'm going to is formal enough to where It will be awkward if I leave, and then knowing this alone is what actualy makes it bad in the first place [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]. I don't avoid going out with friends, but I def avoid going to church, and formal dinners.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
wait - do you just not want to hang out with friends or are you actually more nervous hanging out with them?

[/ QUOTE ]

i want to hang out with them, but i'm anxious about hanging out with them in any numbers greater then like 2-3, and for any lengths greater then an hour or two.

sometimes if there's a party or bbq, i'll be excited to see people, then when i get home, i just want to go home and hideaway.

also sometimes there'll be somethign going on with a big group, and i'll think of every excuse mentally, not to go.

i've also been dealing with some depression, so i'm sure that plays into it.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is how I feel a lot of the time. At first I'm pumped to go out, then I start wondering why I agreed to it but realize I'm stuck and go anyway. Within an hour of seeing people I'm mentally drained and want to go home. It's not that I don't want to see people. It just feels very overwhelming. I/we should probably see a doctor and get some happy pills.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
take a class in something you enjoy. go travelling. just find unpressured environments where you can meet people. and make sure you're hammered whenever you leave the house.

[/ QUOTE ]

i stopped getting hammered. doesn't mix well with my depression. i used to get super baked, but that makes me just socially retarded, and sometimes even more anxious. not to mention super tired.

Re: social anxiety
 

There's nothing wrong with it. I feel the same way in many situations. I'd rather spend time with one friend for a couple of hours then with 6 friends in a loud room.

There is a theory that some people are more sensitive to outside stimuli then others. It causes them to naturally avoid prolonged periods of lots of stimulus. Do you have a tendency to kinda zone out when there are more people around and there is more stimuli for the brain to process? If so, then it could just be that you need more quiet time. There is nothing wrong with it.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
I can sorta relate, but I can't tell you if it gets any better or not. I usualy don't have a problem unless the event I'm going to is formal enough to where It will be awkward if I leave, and then knowing this alone is what actualy makes it bad in the first place [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]. I don't avoid going out with friends, but I def avoid going to church, and formal dinners.

[/ QUOTE ]

i also avoid going to church, but not because of social anxiety.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
take a class in something you enjoy. go travelling. just find unpressured environments where you can meet people. and make sure you're hammered whenever you leave the house.

[/ QUOTE ]

i stopped getting hammered. doesn't mix well with my depression. i used to get super baked, but that makes me just socially retarded, and sometimes even more anxious. not to mention super tired.

[/ QUOTE ]
yeah I'm jk. I know how you feel. I've never felt that most parties or bars are places to meet people unless you already know tons of people there. I think that's mostly an introvert trait. key to meeting new people is spending time in places where you don't feel pressured either way.

just like anything else, things might get better when you stop worrying about them. try to find other things to do that you enjoy--whether it's madden or hiking, just try to keep yourself from brooding too much. I've known some people with depression, and as much as anything it just takes determination to get over.

Re: social anxiety
 

I actually used to have the same issues. I went on medication for it about 2 years ago and it made a huge difference. The thing for me was that after a few months (3-4) of taking medication, it was enough for me to get re-accustomed to going out without feeling freaked out and I was able to go off it without any recurring symptoms. I wasn't willing to stay on drugs as a permanent solution, so I figured on trying something different if that didn't work out but it turned out to be just what I needed to get everything back in line and I've not had any problems since.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
There's nothing wrong with it. I feel the same way in many situations. I'd rather spend time with one friend for a couple of hours then with 6 friends in a loud room.

There is a theory that some people are more sensitive to outside stimuli then others. It causes them to naturally avoid prolonged periods of lots of stimulus. Do you have a tendency to kinda zone out when there are more people around and there is more stimuli for the brain to process? If so, then it could just be that you need more quiet time. There is nothing wrong with it.

[/ QUOTE ]

actually, i think when i was younger, i used to zone out a lot, which would probably help me stay out. now i don't do it that much, and i just need that quiet time.

on top of the anxiety and depression, i get sweaty head (hyperhidrosis) when i'm anxious and nervous or just uncomfortable. and then i get anxiety about sweating, which makes things even worse.

the only time i'm completely comforable going out, is when i go out dancing. then i'm kinda in my own zone. i don't get anxiety dancing.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
I actually used to have the same issues. I went on medication for it about 2 years ago and it made a huge difference. The thing for me was that after a few months (3-4) of taking medication, it was enough for me to get re-accustomed to going out without feeling freaked out and I was able to go off it without any recurring symptoms. I wasn't willing to stay on drugs as a permanent solution, so I figured on trying something different if that didn't work out but it turned out to be just what I needed to get everything back in line and I've not had any problems since.

[/ QUOTE ]

what drugs were you on?

i got a friend on xanax. he's the most out going person i know. super friendly, and can talk and goof around with just about anyone, and he says it's all cause of xanax.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
the only time i'm completely comforable going out, is when i go out dancing. then i'm kinda in my own zone. i don't get anxiety dancing.

[/ QUOTE ]
weird, me too. my friends used to make fun of me for zoning out dancing and I used to be all "STEP OFF I'M IN THE ZONE"

Re: social anxiety
 

someone just deleted a post i was replying to, but i'll post this anyways

wierd that I find it completely the opposite. When I was younger I felt much more uncomfortable in social situations, as I get older I'm really indifferent which most likely is the cause of minimal to zero anxiety.

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this is why i'm worried. i always thought that as i get older, it'd get much better. but i'm finding the opposite true, and it's kinda freaking me out lately. i don't want to be a hermit. i'm getting up there in years (earlyish 30s) and most all my friends are married or in relationships. i know my anxiety and depression are directly attributingn to me being single.

or maybe it's my looks, personality and me being a miserable bastard.

Re: social anxiety
 

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the only time i'm completely comforable going out, is when i go out dancing. then i'm kinda in my own zone. i don't get anxiety dancing.

[/ QUOTE ]
weird, me too. my friends used to make fun of me for zoning out dancing and I used to be all "STEP OFF I'M IN THE ZONE"

[/ QUOTE ]

yah, i'll only freak out, when i'm krunking, or when i'm dance battling someone. then shlts gets real.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]

what drugs were you on?

i got a friend on xanax. he's the most out going person i know. super friendly, and can talk and goof around with just about anyone, and he says it's all cause of xanax.

[/ QUOTE ]

I was on Lexapro (which is an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication). It didn't have any bad side effects or anything. All it really did was take away the anxiety, so social situations got a lot easier.

Re: social anxiety
 

I have a little social anxiety. Sometimes ill be excited about going out with friends and then for no reason ill just kinda get nervous about it. Usually its worse if i know ill be meeting people i dont know. However with alchohol im outgoing and all my nervousness goes away. Ive used drinking as a crutch in social situations for way too long and im trying to get away from it.

Re: social anxiety
 

oddjob,

Why not just stay in and post on 2+2 all night? It's cheaper and PUI is not a crime.

Re: social anxiety
 

I recommend adderall. It should get you into a talkative state. Or you could try Ativan (lorazepam), it's habit-forming, but is great for axiety disorders. If you take too many, you will turn into a zombie and have no clue what happened the next day.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
i just realized recently that as i get older, my social anxiety is getting worse and worse. i've always had it, but have been able to deawl with it well in the past, and be as normal as possible, but as i get older, i want to go out less and less.

this includes, and strangely enough, is sometimes worse with friends. like i'll have no problem being alone and out and about, or going to a bar, but meeting a group of friends is less and less appealling to me.

does anyone else have this kind of experience? anyone else dealign with this?

how screwed am i?

p.s. i'm poor and therapy is probably not an option.

[/ QUOTE ]

yeah... big time. i just want to be alone a lot. i go through mood swings, sickkkk mood swings. i'm pretty sure something is wrong with me big time. sometimes i'm absolutely on top of the world for a few days and then it goes the exact opposite for a few.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i just realized recently that as i get older, my social anxiety is getting worse and worse. i've always had it, but have been able to deawl with it well in the past, and be as normal as possible, but as i get older, i want to go out less and less.

this includes, and strangely enough, is sometimes worse with friends. like i'll have no problem being alone and out and about, or going to a bar, but meeting a group of friends is less and less appealling to me.

does anyone else have this kind of experience? anyone else dealign with this?

how screwed am i?

p.s. i'm poor and therapy is probably not an option.

[/ QUOTE ]

yeah... big time. i just want to be alone a lot. i go through mood swings, sickkkk mood swings. i'm pretty sure something is wrong with me big time. sometimes i'm absolutely on top of the world for a few days and then it goes the exact opposite for a few.

[/ QUOTE ]

i don't go through highs. in fact i can't remember the last time i was really happy. there are days, where i don't feel depressed, but i'm not exactly happy. i've learned how to fake it after years and years. one thing i've discovered, even your closest friends don't want to deal with a miserable bastard all the time.

Re: social anxiety
 

Lay off the weed...

Re: social anxiety
 

I am basically you, but younger and maybe a little worse.

I've always been like this but it's been getting worse. Never had a girlfriend, barely have any friends, all because meeting/being around new people makes me super nervous/awkward.

Doing anything in social settings I basically avoid; whether it be school functions, going out to bars, hell even going to class makes me anxious/nervous and I don't even talk to anyone.

It's bad enough that I don't see myself ever having a relationship with the opposite sex unless I get on meds or go to therapy. I don't see that happening anytime soon because I like to tell myself I'm just introverted, and taking action like that would blow it up into a real problem.

Every day is a struggle with something like this; I do think it goes with depression too. I could make a case that I've mildly depressed since early high school (I'm 22 now), in terms of a constant pessimism about life, thinking about death and life's pointlessness often, etc.

Let me know if you find a quick cure! lol

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i just realized recently that as i get older, my social anxiety is getting worse and worse. i've always had it, but have been able to deawl with it well in the past, and be as normal as possible, but as i get older, i want to go out less and less.

this includes, and strangely enough, is sometimes worse with friends. like i'll have no problem being alone and out and about, or going to a bar, but meeting a group of friends is less and less appealling to me.

does anyone else have this kind of experience? anyone else dealign with this?

how screwed am i?

p.s. i'm poor and therapy is probably not an option.

[/ QUOTE ]

yeah... big time. i just want to be alone a lot. i go through mood swings, sickkkk mood swings. i'm pretty sure something is wrong with me big time. sometimes i'm absolutely on top of the world for a few days and then it goes the exact opposite for a few.

[/ QUOTE ]

i don't go through highs. in fact i can't remember the last time i was really happy. there are days, where i don't feel depressed, but i'm not exactly happy. i've learned how to fake it after years and years. one thing i've discovered, even your closest friends don't want to deal with a miserable bastard all the time.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow, also me exactly.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
Lay off the weed...

[/ QUOTE ]

This is definitely the truth; I've smoked on and off for years and anymore, smoking just amplifies my anxiousness big time. I'll get lost in a spiral of thinking about all my issues and it'll get really overwhelming.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
yeah... big time. i just want to be alone a lot. i go through mood swings, sickkkk mood swings. i'm pretty sure something is wrong with me big time. sometimes i'm absolutely on top of the world for a few days and then it goes the exact opposite for a few.

[/ QUOTE ]
That would be a sign of bipolar disorder:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

It's actually a pretty dangerous disease if so and I wouldn't hesitate to talk to a doctor. Extremely high suicide rate, major relationship issues, etc.

Re: social anxiety
 

i started taking paxil for this issue like 3+ years ago, worked well for me.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
I am basically you, but younger and maybe a little worse.

I've always been like this but it's been getting worse. Never had a girlfriend, barely have any friends, all because meeting/being around new people makes me super nervous/awkward.

Doing anything in social settings I basically avoid; whether it be school functions, going out to bars, hell even going to class makes me anxious/nervous and I don't even talk to anyone.

It's bad enough that I don't see myself ever having a relationship with the opposite sex unless I get on meds or go to therapy. I don't see that happening anytime soon because I like to tell myself I'm just introverted, and taking action like that would blow it up into a real problem.

Every day is a struggle with something like this; I do think it goes with depression too. I could make a case that I've mildly depressed since early high school (I'm 22 now), in terms of a constant pessimism about life, thinking about death and life's pointlessness often, etc.

Let me know if you find a quick cure! lol

[/ QUOTE ]

hmm, i feel like you're missing on the fundamental experiences of college. being social. luckily i was able to restrain a lot of my social anxiety during these years.

is there therapy available to students at your school? i would look into that. i would go see someone if i could afford to, but i can't right now.

Re: social anxiety
 

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i just realized recently that as i get older, my social anxiety is getting worse and worse. i've always had it, but have been able to deawl with it well in the past, and be as normal as possible, but as i get older, i want to go out less and less.

this includes, and strangely enough, is sometimes worse with friends. like i'll have no problem being alone and out and about, or going to a bar, but meeting a group of friends is less and less appealling to me.

does anyone else have this kind of experience? anyone else dealign with this?

how screwed am i?

p.s. i'm poor and therapy is probably not an option.

[/ QUOTE ]

yeah... big time. i just want to be alone a lot. i go through mood swings, sickkkk mood swings. i'm pretty sure something is wrong with me big time. sometimes i'm absolutely on top of the world for a few days and then it goes the exact opposite for a few.

[/ QUOTE ]

i don't go through highs. in fact i can't remember the last time i was really happy. there are days, where i don't feel depressed, but i'm not exactly happy. i've learned how to fake it after years and years. one thing i've discovered, even your closest friends don't want to deal with a miserable bastard all the time.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wow, also me exactly.

[/ QUOTE ]

Me three.

Dysthymia or dysthymic disorder is a form of the mood disorder of depression characterized by a lack of enjoyment/pleasure in life that continues for at least two years. It differs from major depression in the severity of the symptoms. Dysthymia can, though it does not always, prevent a person from functioning or affect sleep patterns and daily activities.

Dysthymia may seem a paradoxical disorder in that sufferers exhibit fairly mild symptoms on a day-to-day basis; however, over a lifetime it can have severe effects, such as high rates of suicide, work impairment, and social isolation. The symptoms of patients with dysthymic disorder are not as severe as those associated with major depression, but the duration of these symptoms is much longer. When a major depressive episode occurs on top of dysthymia, clinicians may refer to the resultant condition as double depression.

Re: social anxiety
 

oddjob,

I'm not trying to play therapist or anything, but can you pinpoint EXACTLY why you feel uncomfortable in particular situations?

For example, when you start sweating, can you describe what's going through your head?

Nervousness and anxiety seem to be symptoms, brought on by other factors, like feeling judged, an inferiority complex, etc.

Not sure if this is helpful or not. But I believe that you can't fix a problem until you know exactly what the problem is.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
oddjob,

I'm not trying to play therapist or anything, but can you pinpoint EXACTLY why you feel uncomfortable in particular situations?

For example, when you start sweating, can you describe what's going through your head?

Nervousness and anxiety seem to be symptoms, brought on by other factors, like feeling judged, an inferiority complex, etc.

Not sure if this is helpful or not. But I believe that you can't fix a problem until you know exactly what the problem is.

[/ QUOTE ]

well i can't really describe what makes me anxious. i just start feeling uneasy around people at times, and start sweating. then i start freaking out that i'm sweating.

i definitly have self esteem problems. the few times i'm told someone is interested in me, i'm in complete disbelief of it.

damn i'm so [censored] messed up, and know it, i can't ever see someone putting up with me. although i have a lot of friends, i often wonder why, but i still appreciate it and feel blessed.

i'm sure my parents did a number on me. i was in a bad car wreck in high school that left me scarred for years (externally and internally) so i was never able to get that akward [censored] with dating out of the way, when i was supposed to.

i have dated, just never in anything serious, and i never felt comfortable.

Re: social anxiety
 

[ QUOTE ]
this includes, and strangely enough, is sometimes worse with friends. like i'll have no problem being alone and out and about, or going to a bar, but meeting a group of friends is less and less appealling to me.


[/ QUOTE ] Part of the problem might be that you need new friends. You say your friends are married and have families, maybe you don't have the same general interests as them any longer and view the time as boring (unless it is in small groups where there can be much more focused conversations). In the past couple years I hit that point with my friends as I was the first one married and the first with kids. They kept partying and stuff, and I just didn't want to do it any more.

Edit: You also really seem to put a lot of pressure on yourself based on your last post.

Re: social anxiety
 

I just skimmed this thread:

To the OP, you can get help and it is not necessarily expensive either. I have a relative who is a psychiatrist and for years has run a phobia clinic, addressing social anxieties as well. If you're interested in more details, send me a PM.

Among other things, he has written books on the topic that can help you at a minimal expense.

If you look, you can get help for this situation, and there really is no reason not to do so.

Re: social anxiety
 

I suffered from Social Anxiety for many years - since I was a teenager until now (33). I experienced what the OP experienced - a worsening of symptoms the older that I became. On my days off of work, I would usually not answer the phone or the door and was basically a shut-in. I finally had an epiphany that the disorder was really affecting my life in a negative way. I had became a person that I did not like. It was after I took a new job where I was working with new people weekly and giving presentations, that I fully acknowledged the problem and how it was keeping me back.

After seeing my MD, I started taking Lexapro. This was several months ago. It has had a great effect on my life and allowed me to live without being weighed down by so much anxiety, most of it social.

Go see your doctor and get evaluated. It might be the best decision you make.

Re: social anxiety
 

Can someone who actually takes medication for this describe the effects you feel on your body and mind specifically?

Re: social anxiety
 

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i would go see someone if i could afford to, but i can't right now.

[/ QUOTE ]

I would bet that there is a community mental health center somewhere in your county...and you would be charged on a sliding scale.

Re: social anxiety
 

oddjob,

FWIW: My own experience with therapy was very positive. I learned a lot, especially about being completely honest with myself and others. It helped free me from all the garbage I used to hide behind.

It was quite different than I expected, more geared toward understanding the root causes of the problems (anger, hostility, anti-social behavior) I was experiencing at the time and less delving into the past ("Tell me about your father," etc.)

A wise therapist may be able to help you sort things out. I'm not saying it's the solution for everything and everybody, but it might be worth a shot. Hang in there.

Re: social anxiety
 

All of this kind of makes me want to see someone. I'm probably in the same situation as a lot of posters here. My anxiety has never really been crippling, I've almost always had a decent amount of friends. It seems I go through stretches of it. It started in high school, I would always get really anxious about formal type of situations, like dances and dinners and all that. That in itself is probably pretty natural, but it ended up hanging with me.

One of the biggest things seems to be when there is some kind of expectation on me. For no reason at all, I used to get freaked out to play a drinking game, go out to a restaurant, or stuff like that. It's not even that I dislike that type of stuff, because I don't. I'm in a good period of it now, but like alot of people here I should probably get some kind of treatment as it has been terrible for relationships.