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EuroRounders
I did not write this. Enjoy.
EuroRounders Michel (voiceover): "If you can't find the boorish American hold'em player at the table within half an hour, you are the boorish American hold'em player." ----- TITLE/CREDITS. This entire movie is in black and white, with subtitles. ----- Michel (voiceover): "This game is really scummy, and well above what I can afford to play. My entire bankroll is riding on this one session going well. This is Teddy CIA's place, where they only play Pot Limit Omaha, the most sophisticated game in Europe." - Michel knocks on the window - Teddy CIA: "You want poker, or whore?" Michel: "Poker. Give me three stacks of high, elitist society." ----- Michel: "I raise." Teddy CIA: "It's a position raise. I call." - The flop comes 5-7-A, with two diamonds - Michel: "I bet the pot." Teddy CIA: "I raise the pot." Michel: "I reraise the pot." Teddy CIA: "I reraise the pot." Michel: "Pot." Teddy CIA: "Pot." Michel: "Pot." Teddy CIA: "Pot." Michel: "Pot." Teddy CIA: "Pot." Michel (voiceover): "I sit back and think. I have three aces - the best possible hand. I want him to think I'm debating a call, but really I'm just thinking about Monte Carlo, and whatever the [censored] is in Monte Carlo." Michel: *shrugs* "Okay, well, I re-pot it, I'm all in, because I don't think you have a pair." *winks at the camera* Teddy CIA: "Who are you winking at? It doesn't matter, I call." Michel (voiceover): "I know before he even says it." Teddy CIA: "I have 8-6-4-3 with two diamonds, for a wrap straight draw and a flush draw, which is a favorite over your top set." - Turn is a King. River is a 2 which gives Teddy CIA an ace-to-five straight for the win. - - Michel sits there, shell-shocked. - Joey Croissant: "Come on, I'll get you a whore." ----- Michel (voiceover): "Well, that sucked. Since then, I've sworn off of poker and made my living as a roadside prostitute for boorish American tourists. Hopefully, I can pay my way through law school that way. I can always find games, though. I could turn this truck onto the road and be at the Taj in 19 and a half hours." ----- Michel (voiceover): "I'm here to pick my friend Worm up from prison." - Worm walks out of prison - Michel: "Worm! It's wonderful to see you!" - They kiss each other passionately on the mouth - Michel: "How was prison?" Worm: "I was brutally sodomized on a regular basis." ----- Michel: "Look...Croissant, I never told you this, but about a year ago, I was playing poker at the Casino des Atlantes, and Marcel Luske walks in. He sits down at the 50/100 pot limit game. And, I mean, the whole place stops, right? Just watching this guy play. After a while there isn't a retarded European gambling game going, because everybody's just, you know, watching this guy." - Joey Croissant nods - Michel: "So you know what I did? I sat down." Joey Croissant: "No way, you need at least 300,000 euros to sit down at a game like that. Such bad financial management is typical of a boorish American!" - Joey Croissant and Michel laugh for twenty-six minutes - Michel: "Right, okay, but seriously, I played for an hour, doing nothing but folding. Then I won a huge pot." Joey Croissant: "Aces? Kings? Ace-King doublesuited? Suited aces? High connectors? Middle doublesuited connectors? Two big pair?" Michel: "Rags." Joey Croissant: "That's probably fine too, you're only like a 48/52 dog." Michel: "I raised. And he came over the top of me, like I was a boorish American. I re-popped it. He potted it again. I think for like two seconds and then I re-pot it." Joey Croissant: "Jesus [censored] Christ, how much money did you have?" Michel: "After I bet I would quietly slide my chips back toward my stack, nobody noticed. Anyway, he thinks for a while, looks at me, checks his cards again, and he mucks. I take it down. And then he looks at me and says, 'I have to know. Did you have it?' And I said, 'I'm sorry Marcel, I can't remember.'" Joey Croissant: "Face!" Michel: "I know, totally. Anyway, based on that one hand, I felt confident gambling for all the money I had, at one time." ----- Law Professor: "I am a Jew." Michel: "I hate you." ----- Teddy CIA: "We play, heads up, Pot Limit Omaha, 25 and 50 blinds, until one of us has it all?" Michel: "Out of sheer curiosity, you realize you're giving up like boat loads of equity by agreeing to gamble for money that's effectively yours anyway, right? That you could just not let me play, and then kill me and take what I have?" Teddy CIA: "I know, but I am a boorish American!" - Michel and Teddy CIA laugh for seventy-two minutes - ----- Michel (voiceover): "I pick up Ace-Ace-Jack-Ten doublesuited." Michel: "I raise the pot." Teddy CIA: "Very aggressive. But, I reraise the pot." Michael (voiceover): "He's representing Ace-Ace-King-King doublesuited, the only hand better than mine. I can't call, and give him a chance to catch. I can only fold...if I believe him." Michel: "I reraise, I'm all in." Teddy CIA: "Take it down." ----- - The flop reads 10-9-5, with two spades - Michel: "Pot." Teddy CIA: "Pot." Michel: "Pot." Teddy CIA: "Pot." Michel: "Pot." Teddy CIA: "Pot." Michel: "Pot. I'm all in." Teddy CIA: "Alright, I call. What do you have?" Michel: "Jack high flush draw and middle set." Teddy CIA: "Wrap, with a king high flush draw." Michel: "Boy, I sure hope my 5:4 edge holds up, otherwise I am going to die." - Turn is an off-suit 5, giving Michel an unbeatable hand. But the river is the ace of spades anyway, because it's always the [censored] ace of spades. - Teddy CIA: "He beat me. Pay that man his money. His silly, silly-looking European money." ----- Cab Driver: "Where are you off to?" Michel: "Monte Carlo." Cab Driver: "Good luck." Michel: "Shut the [censored] up." |
Re: EuroRounders
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Law Professor: "I am a Jew." Michel: "I hate you." [/ QUOTE ] I thought that was the funniest part. |
Re: EuroRounders
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Joey Croissant: "Aces? Kings? Ace-King doublesuited? Suited aces? High connectors? Middle doublesuited connectors? Two big pair?" Michel: "Rags." Joey Croissant: "That's probably fine too, you're only like a 48/52 dog." [/ QUOTE ] My stomach hurts from laughing at this one. |
Re: EuroRounders
That was really really good.
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Re: EuroRounders
This is fantastic. My roommates think I am crazy because I was just laughing out loud for a good 20 minutes.
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Re: EuroRounders
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This is fantastic. My roommates think I am crazy because I was just laughing out loud for a good 20 minutes. [/ QUOTE ] |
Re: EuroRounders
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[ QUOTE ] This is fantastic. My roommates think I am crazy because I was just laughing out loud for a good 20 minutes. [/ QUOTE ] [/ QUOTE ] Me > You in BW Remember '03? |
Re: EuroRounders
Awesome [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
5/5 |
Re: EuroRounders
GOOD [censored] POST!
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Re: EuroRounders
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[ QUOTE ] Joey Croissant: "Aces? Kings? Ace-King doublesuited? Suited aces? High connectors? Middle doublesuited connectors? Two big pair?" Michel: "Rags." Joey Croissant: "That's probably fine too, you're only like a 48/52 dog." [/ QUOTE ] My stomach hurts from laughing at this one. [/ QUOTE ] |
Re: EuroRounders
You made me cry sir.
Thank you. |
Re: EuroRounders
i may have peed myself....best thing ive ever read on this boorish american forum
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Re: EuroRounders
funny.
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Re: EuroRounders
great post!
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Law Professor: "I am a Jew." Michel: "I hate you." [/ QUOTE ] Was GOLD. I really enjoyed that. ( The whole thing ) |
Re: EuroRounders
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[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] Joey Croissant: "Aces? Kings? Ace-King doublesuited? Suited aces? High connectors? Middle doublesuited connectors? Two big pair?" Michel: "Rags." Joey Croissant: "That's probably fine too, you're only like a 48/52 dog." [/ QUOTE ] My stomach hurts from laughing at this one. [/ QUOTE ] [/ QUOTE ] Seriously, good stuff. |
Re: EuroRounders
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Joey Croissant: "No way, you need at least 300,000 euros to sit down at a game like that. Such bad financial management is typical of a boorish American!" - Joey Croissant and Michel laugh for twenty-six minutes - [/ QUOTE ] fantastic. |
Re: EuroRounders
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Michel: "Pot." Teddy CIA: "Pot." Michel: "Pot." Teddy CIA: "Pot." Michel: "Pot." Teddy CIA: "Pot." [/ QUOTE ] awesome. |
Re: EuroRounders
That is literally the funniest thing i have ever heard , i think i just woke the neighbors up
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Re: EuroRounders
Brilliant.
So who did write it? I want to pie zat man, his prop-ers. |
Re: EuroRounders
Wow that thing is funny.
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Re: EuroRounders
I literally LOLed a lot. Brilliant.
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Re: EuroRounders
my sides hurt.....that was wonderful.
RB |
Re: EuroRounders
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Michel: "Boy, I sure hope my 5:4 edge holds up, otherwise I am going to die." [/ QUOTE ] LOLOLOLOL |
Re: EuroRounders
I checkout Two Plus Two every day knowing one of two things will happen:
I will go to sleep annoyed beyond belief after reading posts of wannabe card players blowing people they had never heard of until Norm Chad told them 15 just minutes before that so and so is a 'seasoned tournament professional', 'cash game specialist', or one of the best (fill in the blank) players in the world. Or... I will sleep soundly after reading a post which takes an unorthodox approach in talking about something other than what the writer has no idea what he or she it talking about. If you are confused just read all posts regarding... Who it the best player without a bracelet? The best Final Four every? Top Ten in the world? blah blah blah ... this post was just hilarious Just one question though... with all that 'potting' I think you could change the name to UBRounders and just change the game to any NL cash game where UB players pot themselves stuck with so called 'boss' hands. Nothing like watching a donkey pot himself stuck with AQ or JJ and suckout only to say they were pot commited. God I love online poker... |
Re: EuroRounders
Could've been worse.
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Re: EuroRounders
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[ QUOTE ] Michel: "Boy, I sure hope my 5:4 edge holds up, otherwise I am going to die." [/ QUOTE ] LOLOLOLOL [/ QUOTE ] That is [censored] hilarious. Come on river blank! |
Re: EuroRounders
This is [censored] brilliant! As a former Card Room Manager in a UK casino, this was one of the funniest reads ever.
Thank you OP! |
Re: EuroRounders
Nice
That [censored] game sucks. Mack |
Re: EuroRounders
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"I was brutally sodomized on a regular basis." [/ QUOTE ] |
Re: EuroRounders
This, sir, is by far and away the funniest thing ever posted on 2+2.
Phill |
Re: EuroRounders
Why is everyone saying this is funny? Are they being sarcastic?
I'm not laughing. I see the point the author is trying to make, I just don't think its that funny. |
Re: EuroRounders
On the TPIR Red Diamond Rating Scale (TM) I give it a perfect score of:
[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] |
Re: EuroRounders
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Why is everyone saying this is funny? [/ QUOTE ] because it is. [ QUOTE ] Are they being sarcastic? [/ QUOTE ] No. |
Re: EuroRounders
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Why is everyone saying this is funny? Are they being sarcastic? I'm not laughing. I see the point the author is trying to make, I just don't think its that funny. [/ QUOTE ] It is one of the few times I have actually LOL'ed in my life. |
Re: EuroRounders
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Why is everyone saying this is funny? Are they being sarcastic? I'm not laughing. I see the point the author is trying to make, I just don't think its that funny. [/ QUOTE ] Perhaps you are being sarcastic? |
Re: EuroRounders
That was f***ing fantastic. I'm in tears.
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Re: EuroRounders
Even though I love Rounders, that is the single funniest thing I've ever read on 2+2.
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Re: EuroRounders
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[ QUOTE ] "I was brutally sodomized on a regular basis." [/ QUOTE ] [/ QUOTE ] Awesome. |
Re: EuroRounders
It's probably funniest to the people who love it, they know it better.
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