Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

Ok, I have read at least 2 recent threads where the posters had a terrible time getting hookers. One of them is on the front page now, regarding getting a hooker from the yellow pages. A couple/few days ago was a post about 2 guys in LV who spent a fortune trying to get laid. IN LV! Each case apparently ended in disappointment.

So, I'll admit it, I'm an afficianado of Asian Massage Parlors and have been to many of them in NYC, Phoenix and LA. I haven't been to one in a few months but I'm sure they are still the same.

The Asian Massage Parlors are the greatest things ever invented for getting laid by a hooker and will save anybody looking for this service a great deal of bother so in case you're interested ask away and I'll try to answer/help you out.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

-How do you go about it?
-What should you expect to pay?
-Most importantly, any funny stories involving massage parlors?

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

can you pick the girl so you know she is hot? Do you actually get laid or is it just a hand job? Which one is the best one in LA? Is there a certain thing you have to say or do or is it pretty much expected that you are there for sex? Trip reports(funny stories)? Are the girls generally attractive or is it hit or miss?

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]
-How do you go about it?
-What should you expect to pay?
-Most importantly, any funny stories involving massage parlors?

[/ QUOTE ]

Most of them are walk-in. Few require an appointment. You will either be asked to pay the fee for the time that you want in advance by the woman running the place or you will be brought to a massage room where there will be the time prices on the wall and you pay the girl.

Whatever the time charge says for an hour just give the girl $200 and say you want an hour. If you've paid the time up-front add in amount to bring it to $200. Round up. That should be enough. Don't bother with the half-hour.

I have written and posted (on RGP) the best trip report (imo, of course, but I've never seen a better one) to an Asian Massage Parlor in the history of the internet. Since it has language that would not pass 2p2's filter I won't link to it w/o a mod's ok.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

how do you make the transition into an HJ (if not sex)?

can you touch their boobs while they're whackin?

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

ever got great sex from a = or <4
best service and rating (1-10 on looks)
the most you paid
least you paid

Bi service? been tempted?

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

seriously please link to your tr

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

Completely NSFW

http://groups.google.com/group/rec.gambl...8d04adfc5bf362a

Here you go

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

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can you pick the girl so you know she is hot?

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Some places, yes. It's been a long time since I was at one in NYC but I was always able to pick. Other places they may try to assign one to you. Insist on seeing all the girls first.


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Do you actually get laid or is it just a hand job?

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You will get laid unless you're unlucky enough to get the rare girl who'll only do hand jobs.

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Which one is the best one in LA?

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I don't live in LA so I don't know. There must be a gabbillion of them. I went to the ones on the street that passes by the Colloseum (sp?) next to HP and the one near the Bike. They were ok.


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Is there a certain thing you have to say or do or is it pretty much expected that you are there for sex?

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It is absolutely known that you are there for sex.


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Trip reports(funny stories)?

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See above.

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Are the girls generally attractive or is it hit or miss?

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Hit or miss is the honest answer but I've been with some real stunners.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

ever seen/experienced anything sad/disturbing? abused girls, girl asking for help, etc.?

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]
Completely NSFW

http://groups.google.com/group/rec.gambl...8d04adfc5bf362a

Here you go

[/ QUOTE ]


Ok, you did it not me.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

Yep I'll take the heat for it if there is any. I doubt there will be since people post links to nude pictures all the time and I feel this is much less distasteful than that.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]
ever seen/experienced anything sad/disturbing? abused girls, girl asking for help, etc.?

[/ QUOTE ]

Never. I've seen some pretty obnoxious customers but the girls didn't seem disturbed at all. A couple seemed shy (which may have been an act) but that's about it.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

That's like a bedtime story compared to some of Dom's. I think you guys'll be fine.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

If you had to guess, how many times would say you have been to asian massage parlors

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]
how do you make the transition into an HJ (if not sex)?

can you touch their boobs while they're whackin?

[/ QUOTE ]

If you are in an 'honest' place (and almost all of the ones I've been in have been) both you and the girl will be naked when the massage starts. Sometimes the girl will massage you with her clothes on and take them off half-way thru your time for the sex part. I've asked girls like that to just get undressed right away and they usually do.

There is no transition. They will go straight from the massage to the sex. If you think they're taking too long w/ the massage just roll over and they'll get the message. You can do more than just touch their boobs. Much more.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]
ever got great sex from a = or <4
best service and rating (1-10 on looks)
the most you paid
least you paid

Bi service? been tempted?

[/ QUOTE ]

Back in NYC (I hope it's still the same) there will be a lobby with 5-10 girls to pick from. Some of them are real beauties, some average. I remember one that was so good looking I couldn't believe it. Sex was good/bad depending on the girl and whether or not you were a regular of hers.

I always paid $200/hr.

In a non-Asian place (one of the best in NYC at the time) I paid $800 for 2 hours with 2 girls that I'd been seeing seperately because one of them told me that she and the other one were 'together'. They did each other while I watched and it was no act. What a sight. Then I got to join in. What a time. I'd like to that one again.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]
Yep I'll take the heat for it if there is any. I doubt there will be since people post links to nude pictures all the time and I feel this is much less distasteful than that.

[/ QUOTE ]

I really wasn't all that worried about it but wanted to avoid getting banned for a week again. I have a 2p2 addiction.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

Did anyone ever suspect you of being a cop, or did you ever suspect you were being set up? Do these places get busted with any regularity? Are all Asian Massage Parlors the same way? Eg, if you walked into an "Asian Massage Parlor" in a random city cold with no read or information, would you expect to get laid?

BTW the linked article is absolutely hysterical.

Edit: if the girl is seriously busted, can you just say "no thanks" pay her and leave? lol

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

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That's like a bedtime story compared to some of Dom's. I think you guys'll be fine.

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Ok, good, but being compared to Dom isn't fair. He's in the biz. I'd out-do him if I was in the biz. Hey, Dom, I'd like to be in the biz!

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

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If you had to guess, how many times would say you have been to asian massage parlors

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In the hundreds.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

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In the hundreds.

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Do you have to go a few times w/o getting it on to establish trust with them, or anything like that?

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

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Did anyone ever suspect you of being a cop, or did you ever suspect you were being set up?

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When they bring you to the room they tell you to get 'ready' and that means naked. No cop can do that, so, no, I was never suspected of being a cop.

One time I walked into a new place and it was a different set-up and looked really sketchy. There was a guy behind a desk and he wanted to see ID. I turned around and walked out.


[ QUOTE ]
Do these places get busted with any regularity?

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In NYC they were. All the time. I got caught up in a couple of them. They always just let the customers go after taking their pictures and trying to humiliate them. It didn't work on me. One time a cop asked me what I was doing there. I said 'First, let me tell you that I respect the police. I know you're just doing your job. I'm sorry to have caused you any trouble. What am I doing here? I'm here to get laid, that's what I'm doing here!' He said 'Oh, just go home.'


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Are all Asian Massage Parlors the same way? Eg, if you walked into an "Asian Massage Parlor" in a random city cold with no read or information, would you expect to get laid?

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Yes. If the sign says 'Oriental' or 'Asian' Massage and ESPECIALLY 'Accupressure' that's the place you will get laid.

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BTW the linked article is absolutely hysterical.

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I'm glad you liked it.

Edit to add:

Actually, the thing you most want to look for is the parlors' closing time. The places you want will close at 10pm at the earliest.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]

Edit: if the girl is seriously busted, can you just say "no thanks" pay her and leave? lol

[/ QUOTE ]

I wouldn't have had to pay her. I could have just left but I wouldn't get the money I'd paid for the room back. I was really pissed at the time. There I was, out $60 for the room already, naked, horny, the tip on the table and a hooker who would never get picked standing there waiting to take care of me (it's really true that she gave a hell of a bj, thank goodness. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to 'do' anything!) That's one of the reasons some places make you pay for the room first. From now on I ask to see the girls first. If they say no I'll tell them I'll leave and go to another place. I'm sure that will make them let you see all the girls first.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

How much money have you spent at massage parlors, estimate if you have to.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

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[ QUOTE ]
In the hundreds.

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Do you have to go a few times w/o getting it on to establish trust with them, or anything like that?

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Absolutely not. If you don't get laid the first time you've stumbled into the wrong place or gotten unlucky with the wrong girl. Over the years that only happened to me once and all I got was a hj.

Remember, most big cities have a bunch of these places. They are in competition. The only city where I think my advice may not hold is in LV. I haven't been to one there. I have a feeling that the LVPD may lean on them real heavy. Also, they may not be relying on repeat business like the ones in any other city. Here in Phoenix there are dozens. I have a steady one but the regular girl I had (she was great) left the business and I might start looking around for another. I'll probably just ask around in the poker room or look in the New Times for some ads.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]
How much money have you spent at massage parlors, estimate if you have to.

[/ QUOTE ]

It's way up there, I couldn't even guess. It might be an Aston Martins' worth.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
How much money have you spent at massage parlors, estimate if you have to.

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It's way up there, I couldn't even guess. It might be an Aston Martins' worth.

[/ QUOTE ]

Would you say you have a problem?

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
How much money have you spent at massage parlors, estimate if you have to.

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It's way up there, I couldn't even guess. It might be an Aston Martins' worth.

[/ QUOTE ]

Would you say you have a problem?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd say I have money.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
How much money have you spent at massage parlors, estimate if you have to.

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It's way up there, I couldn't even guess. It might be an Aston Martins' worth.

[/ QUOTE ]

Would you say you have a problem?

[/ QUOTE ]

I'd say I have money.

[/ QUOTE ]
balla

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

are the girls always asian? What country and they usually from?

What % of the time are the girls Ugly? What % are they mediocre, what % are they hot, how often do you ever get a girl that is drop dead beautiful?

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]
are the girls always asian? What country and they usually from?

What % of the time are the girls Ugly? What % are they mediocre, what % are they hot, how often do you ever get a girl that is drop dead beautiful?

[/ QUOTE ]

Welllllll, they call themselves 'Asian Massage Parlors' for a reason, you know. White Boy isn't sure what country they're from but he's guessing Korea and Vietnam for the most part. I suppose the odd Thai, Chinese or Japaneses might be there sometimes.

The girls are usually in the acceptable category. Back in my NYC days (I sure do hope it's the same now because I'm going to be visiting sooner or later) there'd be 5-10 girls to pick from and there was always one that I'd find attractive. As I said above I got one once that was so stunning it was unbelievable but I've also had some real pretty ones too. The girl that I refered to as 'hot' in my linked story above was ~19-21 years old, just the right size in all the right places, very pretty but she laid there like a cold fish. I'd have been better off with the older one.

All: 2:45am here. Time for sleep. I'll check when I get up to see if this thing's still going.

GN

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

You are awesome. Thanks for not including your mom in this post, it made me feel much less guilty about my erection.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

How clean are these places? Do they go to great length to keep it clean or are they pretty sloppy...like the dildo from the other story.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

do they swallow/

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

So the odds of walking into a random place that says "Asian" and "massage" anywhere on the sign in NYC and it NOT being a brothel are <1%?

I can only imagine the embarassment if you went into one of these places, it turned out to be 100% on the level, and once you got into the room you and girl weren't on the same page. I couldn't bear it.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
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How much money have you spent at massage parlors, estimate if you have to.

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It's way up there, I couldn't even guess. It might be an Aston Martins' worth.

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Would you say you have a problem?

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I'd say I have money.

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I wasn't going to read your trip report until I read this. clearly you are a man whos hooks I should read about.

Re: Ask Howard about Oriental Massage Parlors
 

Howard,

Do you know where I can find one in Nashville?

X

Post deleted by Mat Sklansky
 

Post deleted by Mat Sklansky