First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

we got a huge snowstorm this valentines day so it made my plans with this new girl i met very difficult. anyways im in my room doing some inverted calf kickoffs when I hear my aunt yell my name (im living there for a little while right now) its my girlfriend on the phone and her parents dont want me driving her in this weather. so we change the plans a little and decide ill go over there and make her dinner around 8pm and we will just watch a movie and chill. so i get ready put on a nice yellow shirt, some dress pants, trim my pubes and noticed its a little after 8 allready so im like "[censored]" and I hurry up and put my shoes on grab her present and head out the door.

I arrive and her mom heads into her bedroom where i guess her husband is. I go into the kitchen and throw in a tombstone and we put on elf. I turn off the lights and sit next to her on the couch. By this time I have an enormous raging hard-on. she moves closer to me and we start making out and we are about to do it and she is worried that her parents will come out. I tell her to relax and we will pretend like we are just cuddling under the blankets. So I pull off her pants and noticed she is shaved. I start doing her missionary style and she is farting while we are doing it??? Anyways I don't last long but it was amazing. and later I walked back to my house next door. the snow is so deep i am waddling like a [censored] penquin but i dont care cause today i am the [censored] man.

Then today she just calls me up and tells me she doesn't want to see me anymore and that its not my fault its just hers. she starts telling me she was never my girlfriend WTF!! I start crying and tell her to tell me why and am so upset. she says she was lonely and just needed someone to hang out with on valentines day. oot please help me i really love this girl and dont know what to do? i am so depressed now. how do i get her back.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

i guess this is supposed to be funny

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
i guess this is supposed to be funny

[/ QUOTE ]

But was the humour intentional?

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

Relax for right now, you wont no whats really going on for a little while. So try not to beat yourself up.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
this new girl i met...

im in my room doing some inverted calf kickoffs...

put on a nice yellow shirt, some dress pants, trim my pubes...

she is farting while we are doing it...

today i am the [censored] man...

I start crying...

i really love this girl...

[/ QUOTE ]

Something's not adding up here.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

weak effort

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

terrible attempt at humor

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

you tell her you're coming over to make her dinner and you pop in a tombstone?

you live next door to this chick?

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

Have a pube-trimming party:

Invite her. And her folks.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

get drunk and call her

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
you tell her you're coming over to make her dinner and you pop in a tombstone?

you live next door to this chick?

[/ QUOTE ]

Ya well wtf was I suppose to do? Use her parents stuff and make a big mess? Yes, I live next door thats how I met her.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Yes, I live next door thats how I met her.

[/ QUOTE ]

This can only end badly I'm afraid... that's a proximity alert.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

I think she was probably weirded out by the sex. It can change the way a girl thinks about you after the first time.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
I think she was probably weirded out by the sex. It can change the way a girl thinks about you after the first time.

[/ QUOTE ]

Do you think I should tell her that was my first time? I told her I had done it before because I read that girls dont like guy virgins.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

I don't know, my comment was just a wild guess. My next wild guess would be that telling her you lied about not being a virgin is bad.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

Guys, don't feed the trolls.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

i normally just lurk, but i just have to say, this made me laugh sooo friggin hard. especially the "farting" bit....hahaha! classic stuff right there.... just hurry up and go away to college. i dont know why other people didnt find this funny. real or not. "ill make you dinner...." "so when i get there i pop in a tombstone..." A++++

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

are you the guy that molested his little sister and then said that it was because there was a spider on her back?

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d3...izSlim/poo.jpg

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

I don't think she was fartin'.....just quieffing.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

How old are you both?

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
How old are you both?

[/ QUOTE ]

I can't believe that you have to ask this.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

My guess is, like, too young to be on a poker forum...





[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
How old are you both?

[/ QUOTE ]

I can't believe that you have to ask this.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

You can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

Hahahaha, pretty funny story.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

Can we please ban this troll?

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Can we please ban this troll?

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Can we please ban this troll?

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice find. One day he has a 13 year-old daughter, and the next day he's banging the fart-happy teenager next door and crying when she dumps him.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Can we please ban this troll?

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice find. One day he has a 13 year-old daughter, and the next day he's banging the fart-happy teenager next door and crying when she dumps him.

[/ QUOTE ]

I sincerely hope these two threads demonstrate an inconsistency in his stories... otherwise this guy is seriously [censored] up.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]

Nice find. One day he has a 13 year-old daughter, and the next day he's banging the fart-happy teenager next door and crying when she dumps him.

[/ QUOTE ]

... standard?

Ray

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Can we please ban this troll?

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice find. One day he has a 13 year-old daughter, and the next day he's banging the fart-happy teenager next door and crying when she dumps him.

[/ QUOTE ]

I sincerely hope these two threads demonstrate an inconsistency in his stories... otherwise this guy is seriously [censored] up.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm pretty sure that he is pretty [censored] up either way.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

Needed to fart with her, or go anal to plug it. She was embarrassed.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
anyways im in my room doing some inverted calf kickoffs

[/ QUOTE ]

brag post

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d3...izSlim/poo.jpg

[/ QUOTE ]
nice

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
I don't think she was fartin'.....just quieffing.

[/ QUOTE ]


OK, I had to read long enough just until I knew someone mentioned quieffing. So dude, what did you do when you thought you heard her farting? Did you start laughing. I know it can be hard to concentrate with that going on.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

It wasn't the best story ever created, but not the worst.

C.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

[ QUOTE ]
You can't do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yea, also you said you did her missionary so it definately was quieffing and not farting.

C'mon man i know your horny but you have awkward bad/quick sex for the first time with her on her parents couch while she's stressing that they could walk out on you guys at any moment, and you wonder why she isn't falling for you? You don't realize it but she's probably pretty sad/upset that it went down like that.

Don't tell her that you were a virgin. You may have f'd it up and should just move on, you definately can't win her back by acting like your in love with her or can't live without her, so just drop that [censored] right now, it will only seem pathetic to her. Possibly if you play it cool, say you'd really still like to hang out as friends, and get some one on one time with her where she decides your fun ect... you maybe could get pity awkward sex from her one more time.

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

nos1nos2?

jesus christ, 4 pages people...ya'll r slackin

Re: First time having sex, Then she breaks up with me?? wtf (boring)
 

Obv. BS story. Locking.