Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

First, some background. Cliff notes at the bottom.

I've known the girl in question for 6 or 7 years (today she's 20, I'm 26). We used to live in different parts of the country, but we have a common hobby which means that we've met like 3 or 4 times per year. We've always been quite friendly with each other, but nothing more (when we met, it was always at some sort of biggish get-together with little "privacy").

Last November, I moved to the city where she studies at university (for work reasons). Since then, we have seen each other once per week due to our common hobby. During this time, I have developed some sort of crush on her. So I started to ask her out in January. She always seemed quite interested in going to the movies, meeting for a drink or whatever, but due to the fact that I was travelling quite a bit for work reasons on the weekends and she was preparing for exams during the week, this didn't materialize until late in January. Since then, we have been out for dinner once and been to the movies twice (with a lot of cocktails and good conversation afterwards). But last time, she casually mentioned that she now has a boyfriend (who lives in the same city). The weird thing is that she didn't do this in a "Look-we-must-talk-I-have-a-boyfriend-now-so-we-should-stop-meeting-the-way-we-recently-did" sort of way, but it was more like "Tonight was great as usual, when will we next go out? Oh, next Thursday is bad, I've already promised my new boyfriend to do [whatever it was]".

I'm really confused here. Is all of this a clear-cut indication that she considers me to be a friend and nothing more, and what's my play here? Let it drop? Wait for some time and see how the "boyfriend" thing develops? Simply tell her what's up to get to know where I stand, basically counting on her leaving the guy for me (or telling me straight away that she is not interested -- but would this be conclusive given her current situation?) Or something else?

FWIW, I know of at least two short-term relationships she has had in the past (and broke up herself after some weeks), so she is not the kind of girl where the fact that she has a boyfriend necessarily means that she thinks she has found the love of her life or something.

All input appreciated; I'm kind of lost here...

Cliff Notes: I'm dating a girl, she casually mentions that she now has a boyfriend, but still wants to go out with me.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

are you sure you ever were dating this girl? like did you even kiss her?

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Sounds like you guys are great pals, obviously she never thought any more, sucks if you've been paying for drinks and dinner.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

friend ladder ftw

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

I'm more interested in this brand new accounts 'common hobby'. Sounds like we have something to hide. Cross-dressing enthusiasts? Model train collector? Dress up Dungeon and Dragons gaming?

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]

Cliff Notes: I'm dating a girl, she casually mentions that she now has a boyfriend, but still wants to go out with me.

[/ QUOTE ]

You are confused about what dating is.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
I'm more interested in this brand new accounts 'common hobby'. Sounds like we have something to hide. Cross-dressing enthusiasts? Model train collector? Dress up Dungeon and Dragons gaming?

[/ QUOTE ]

pretending to date people?

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

If your definition of "dating" is sometimes going out to dinner and movies with no physical connection, I guess I'm dating my mom. You're a friend and there's a <1% it will ever be anything more than this. Sorry. I've been there if it makes you feel any better.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Since then, we have been out for dinner once and been to the movies twice (with a lot of cocktails and good conversation afterwards). But last time, she casually mentioned that she now has a boyfriend (who lives in the same city). The weird thing is that she didn't do this in a "Look-we-must-talk-I-have-a-boyfriend-now-so-we-should-stop-meeting-the-way-we-recently-did" sort of way, but it was more like "Tonight was great as usual, when will we next go out? Oh, next Thursday is bad, I've already promised my new boyfriend to do [whatever it was]".


[/ QUOTE ]

So three "dates". Any kissing/fooling around at all? If not, you're doomed. You're the "nice guy" that girls think are just there to be friends. Hey, if she's cool and you can handle that, remain friends and hope that things don't work out with her "boyfriend". If things fall apart there, you may decide to go for it.

FWIW, and not that it will make you feel any better, but I recently had a chick that I was dating for 4 months who was telling me that she loves me every day have her fiance fly into town and get married 3 weeks later. Worst chick experience I've had yet....but I'm poking this cute little Asian chick now. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

My advice: find another woman ASAP.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Yeah, buddy you're out of the game. That injury looked season ending too, so a 4th quarter return, while not impossible, is probably out of the question.

This girl won't be touching your naughty bits. If you're OK with that, by all means keep going to movies with her.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Ask her on another "date" except this time stand her up.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Yeah, wait a minute... it doesn't sound like anything physical happened. You aren't dating.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Let's examine your post

[ QUOTE ]

1. I've known the girl in question for 6 or 7 years
2. (today she's 20, I'm 26).
3. She always seemed quite interested in going to the movies, meeting for a drink or whatever,
4. Since then, we have been out for dinner once and been to the movies twice (with a lot of cocktails and good conversation afterwards).
5. But last time, she casually mentioned that she now has a boyfriend
6. The weird thing is that she didn't do this in a "Look-we-must-talk-I-have-a-boyfriend-now-so-we-should-stop-meeting-the-way-we-recently-did" sort of way, but it was more like "Tonight was great as usual, when will we next go out? Oh, next Thursday is bad, I've already promised my new boyfriend to do [whatever it was]".

7. I'm really confused here.
8. Is all of this a clear-cut indication that she considers me to be a friend and nothing more, and what's my play here?

9. FWIW, I know of at least two short-term relationships she has had in the past (and broke up herself after some weeks), so she is not the kind of girl where the fact that she has a boyfriend necessarily means that she thinks she has found the love of her life or something.



[/ QUOTE ]


1. Then how did you not know that she had a boyfriend? Even casual friends you know if they have someone in their life
2. The things wrong with this sentence, because I am sure there are no mid-20 graduate students at this school or something to hit on
3. This sentence is phrased for someone older that a 20 year old. Yes I understand fake ID's and people, gasp, under 21 do drink. But if it's meeting up for coffee, you say coffee, not a drink.
4. This is not dating
5. Now you know it’s not dating
6. She doesn’t see it as dating
7. I can’t see for the life of me how
8. It’s great when people are able to answer their own questions and you don’t have one, move on
9. Then why are you even trying to be with her?
10. You are a troll and this is not a real problem. NosNos?

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Offer to SIIHP where H = His. parley this into a threesome. then cry yourself to sleep because she likes him better.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Whats with the massive amount of "new user" posts recently. It must be troll season

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Whats with the massive amount of "new user" posts recently. It must be troll season

[/ QUOTE ]

I think NOS1NOS2 got a new IP address.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Nos was far less subtle, and kinda sorta funny after a while. It's still possible though I guess.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

U are stuck in the friend zone........do not pass go do0 not collect $200, which means move on, stay her friend if u like but there is no chance of going anywhere with her

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

schneids is that you?

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Don't see nothin wrong with a little bump and grind! http://www.johnnygoodtimes.com/archives/scott_eisen.jpg

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Didn't even read the OP, just the subject.

Your play is nothing. If she started seeing someone else while "dating" you, it means she likes the other dude better than you. The more you try to get her to like you, the more you'll probably annoy her and make her like you less. The best thing you can do (if you really like her) is to give her a bunch of space. If she calls you, great. If she doesn't, maybe try calling her up in a few weeks to meet up for lunch or coffee or whatever. Either way, the more you try and press it, the worse it will be for you.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Ask her on another "date" except this time SIIHP

[/ QUOTE ]

So many FYP possibilities here, I took the easy way out..

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

Cliff Notes: I'm dating a girl, she casually mentions that she now has a boyfriend, but still wants to go out with me.

[/ QUOTE ]

You are confused about what dating is.

[/ QUOTE ]

He always pays, thats why they are dating.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
I've known the girl in question for 6 or 7 years (today she's 20, I'm 26).

[/ QUOTE ]

You met this girl when she was 13-14 and you were 20.

Explain to her that you really don't care that she has a boyfriend. Just tell her you are a dirty old man and simply want to [censored] her brains out.

She will go for it. You know, she has fanatasized about this relationship for years.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Whats with the massive amount of "new user" posts recently. It must be troll season

[/ QUOTE ]

I think NOS1NOS2 got a new IP address.

[/ QUOTE ]

what about kkf?

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

OP is both funny and sad in several ways =/

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Jesus Christ, this is retarded. Since when did hanging out with a girl with "little privacy" 3 or 4 times a year in any way constitute anything? I really hope this is a troll and not just the sorriest poster ever.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

this word, "dating." I do not think it means what you think it means.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Congratulations, you're her gay best friend.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

You're her big brother. You will never date her, but you might be able to molest her.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

i'll still trying to figure out what common hobby a 13-14 yr old and a 19-20 yr old have, where you would meet from different parts of the country 3-4 times a year.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
i'll still trying to figure out what common hobby a 13-14 yr old and a 19-20 yr old have, where you would meet from different parts of the country 3-4 times a year.

[/ QUOTE ]

I hate to say it, but chess fits this description.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i'll still trying to figure out what common hobby a 13-14 yr old and a 19-20 yr old have, where you would meet from different parts of the country 3-4 times a year.

[/ QUOTE ]

I hate to say it, but chess fits this description.

[/ QUOTE ]

collectible card games or other board games

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i'll still trying to figure out what common hobby a 13-14 yr old and a 19-20 yr old have, where you would meet from different parts of the country 3-4 times a year.

[/ QUOTE ]

I hate to say it, but chess fits this description.

[/ QUOTE ]

collectible card games or other board games

[/ QUOTE ]
Maybe they met during a turbo werewolf in POG.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
schneids is that you?

[/ QUOTE ]
Low blow.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i'll still trying to figure out what common hobby a 13-14 yr old and a 19-20 yr old have, where you would meet from different parts of the country 3-4 times a year.

[/ QUOTE ]

I hate to say it, but chess fits this description.

[/ QUOTE ]

collectible card games or other board games

[/ QUOTE ]
Maybe they met during a turbo werewolf in POG.

[/ QUOTE ]

Wouldn't be the first time a romance blossomed in this fashion

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
i'll still trying to figure out what common hobby a 13-14 yr old and a 19-20 yr old have, where you would meet from different parts of the country 3-4 times a year.

[/ QUOTE ]

I hate to say it, but chess fits this description.

[/ QUOTE ]

collectible card games or other board games

[/ QUOTE ]
Maybe they met during a turbo werewolf in POG.

[/ QUOTE ]

did you think i was trying to be insulting?

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

Did you hit it yet? If not, they she's not your girl.

Tell her that you really like her and can't continue to see her if she has a boyfriend.

She's having her cake and eating it, or however that dumb expression goes, by having a boyfriend and going on dates with you.

Re: Girl I\'m dating suddenly has a boyfriend - what\'s my play?
 

[ QUOTE ]
Cliff Notes: I'm dating a girl, she casually mentions that she now has a boyfriend, but still wants to go out with me.

[/ QUOTE ]
Perhaps she wants a steady boyfriend who she can see on a regular basis. Evidently with your traveling you don't fulfill the second part of what she wants. Her motives are either:
1. She is using you as a backup....or
2. She is using you to feed her ego that she is attractive to men....or
3. She digs you but is unsure because you have not been direct with her what your intentions are. She had another guy who showed interests so she took the bird in the hand.

You are probably as confusing to her as she is to you. Your play is easy; pursue other girls. If you want to see her as friends then go ahead.