Detachment (xpost)
 

Detachment

Two and a half years ago, I tried out for the McGill soccer team (that’s my university for those who don’t know it). I grew up playing soccer. I loved the game, I was intense about it, passionate even.

I made it past the first three cuts, and on the last day of tryouts, when I had already become friends with almost everyone on the team, grown accustomed to the routine, I was cut. I had been playing with the team for almost a month. The coach brought me into his office, sat me down, and told me that he really liked me and all that BS, but there simply was no room on the team. I wasn’t good enough. I got up to leave, in disgust. He asked that I shake his hand though, and while I pondered turning my back on him, I shook his hand and looked him in the eye. He really was sorry. So was I.

Perhaps this was the catalyst to me getting so intense about poker, and why I turned to tournament poker to begin with. I was filling the void that soccer could no longer provide. I lived my entire life playing a game on Sundays, and now all of a sudden, I had a tournament every Sunday. Tournament poker was a way to compete again, and it was something I was pretty good at I found. I loved bluffing people, I loved making sick folds and sick calls. I wanted people to feel outplayed. Clearly, there was some pent up rage about getting outplayed in soccer. I was a competitor, and I still am.

Sometime in the last few weeks/ maybe months, I decided I was going to get back into shape, and try out for the McGill soccer team again. I told my friends and roommates, and they all doubted me. They talked about how lazy I am, and how I have gone to the gym 5 times in the last 3 years. I don’t blame them. I sit on my chair most of the day, if not playing poker, then very often doing something associated with it. But enough is enough, I need to prove to myself I am not lost without poker. I am still myself.

I am grateful that I found poker, and I am blessed with an ability to play the game well. I am not special, I am no bld, no aba, no Ivey. But, I’d like to think that for whatever reason, this game has just clicked for me. It has never been easy, I often go through streaks where my mind is cluttered and I am playing poorly, but overall I am sure I find it easier than most. Despite this, I recognize the danger of poker, or perhaps more broadly, gambling. It scares me that I can get so affected by results. I KNOW in my head and in my heart that it makes no sense to get bothered by results. I can only be bothered by decisions right? That is what I tell everyone, and what I tell myself, but for some reason when I go to bed at night on a losing day I think about it. When I woke up on Monday, the first thing I thought was “you had 30,000 more dollars this time yesterday, you idiot.”

Last semester, I took 3 courses so that I could spend more time grinding and playing poker, because I thought this might have been my last year to be able to play online poker. Despite the easier course load, I lost all interest in school and failed 2 classes. In high school, I was a good student. I went to a very difficult school, but still maintained a good average, and very good SAT score. When I came to McGill, it seemed my grades declined as a function of my bankroll going up in poker. I used to consider myself something of an intellectual, someone concerned with the world around him. As I have become more and more enamored with poker, I have lost touch with my intellect, and my awareness. It is as if I only live in the real world some of the time. The other part of the time I live in a fantasy world (2+2/online poker world).

I want this semester to be one where I get back into school. Most of my friends are starting to really take interest in their studies, now that we are getting older and actually becoming adults. I on the other hand, am heading straight into poker. I have talked to a few people about this, but I have begun to realize that there is no end in poker. There is no final destination, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. At least, for me there isn’t. I realize for some people who play for their families and their livelihood, it is a different situation, but for me I do not play to get by. The number at the bottom of my pokertracker at the end of the month is hardly what I play for. I play for a whole slew of reasons, and only one of those reasons is money. To those who feel differently about the game, good for you, but I can’t just be a grinder. I wish I could remove emotion and just grind it out, but that is not my style.

Back when I sucked, and was still very much in the learning stage, I was very emotionally stable. I handled losses without any problems. I trained myself to NEVER get upset at a bad beat, and I didn’t. Today, I threw a cup off of my table when I lost a 10k pot to a 2 outer. That has never happened before. I am afraid of what I am becoming, and I need to stop this trend. It is time I take a real break, and not just like a 1 week break. I am not going to play until my ‘spring’ break, sometime in late February. I am not going to play poker, I am not going to watch poker, I am not going to post on 2+2, I will do none of that. I need to get into shape, I need to start studying again, oh and I haven’t gotten laid in 2 months, so that would be nice as well.

I am going to ask a mod to ban me for a month, and I am going to cash out of all sites and uninstall all poker programs. If you want to contact me, and you have my aim, then do that. If you don’t have my aim, then I prob don’t know you anyway so you can wait or find it out from someone else. If/when I come back, I’ll be back with a 50k roll and ill start out at 5/10. Hopefully this will be the healthiest thing I have ever done. See you all in a month, and good luck to you.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Sounds like a great plan. Enjoy yourself!

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

I'm sure you'll play better once you come back.

Good luck [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

gl

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Good luck with going cold turkey man, we'll see you again sometime soon.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Sounds like a plan to me..... I was about to say make sure to save some cash and plan for the future. But it sounds like you're already on top of that.

take care

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Sounds like a great idea Ansky, good luck, I really hope it works out for you.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

good post...i find i burnout every 4-5 months or so and take a month or two off pretty much to recuperate and relax and travel and what not. Its a good balance, especially if you dont care about the money.

-Mike

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

gl with the soccer, sounds like a healthy choice. you're too smart to be failing classes bro but it seems like you already know that. Im sure when you come back (if you want to come back and play as dedicated as before) your game will have improved. A month off always helps things in life and in cards.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

best of luck

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

gl. Also, if you violate this plan, consider that you might have a problem.

I just started playing again after many months of hiatus and its weird how much I crave action once I got a taste.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

"As I have become more and more enamored with poker, I have lost touch with my intellect, and my awareness."



I can concur that this is the case myself. I used to be very smart, and very quick in responses in person with very witty commentary. Not anymore, as I've not read a book in god knows how long, and the deepest thing I've read recently consists of whitelime talking about when/how you should move up.

It's disappointing that I can feel my brain turning to mush, but at least i'm not speeding it up with pot.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

tl;dr

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Dani,

It sounds like poker is taking over your life and you are making the right choice.

Go enjoy Montreal and McGill while you still can.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

[ QUOTE ]
you're too smart to be failing classes bro

[/ QUOTE ]

No [censored].

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

good post (that's an understatement). A lot of your sentiments definitely resonated with me and a lot of other posters I'm sure. Best of luck, you can do it.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Great post,alot of what you say rings true and even though I am probably older than most people here I can relate to what you are saying. You have an excellent perspective on this thing and i wish you nothing but the best. Good luck with soccer and go kick some ass. God Bless.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Best post I've read in a while. Good luck, Ansky.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

have fun bro. when sleeping with mcgill chicks, don't go near anyone named hillary or julie. otherwise, enjoy!

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Good luck Dani. You're a good kid with a stable head. I wish you the best.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

best of luck and get back into shape, that can make wonders to your self esteem. i could use a damn break myself, but with the stupid work schedule im getting fatter and fatter...
anyways best of luck and see you in a month!
talk to you on aim anyways [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]
take care

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

great post. glhf with the goals.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Good luck with this Ansky. I hope that the break helps your schooling. Good luck making the team.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

there's a lot of truth in this thread. i too feel i'm not as sharp as i was when i didn't play poker. i'm thankful for everything poker has given me, but there are so many more important things going on in my life that i should be dedicated myself to: finding a job, working on my business, thinking about what i'm gonna do once i graduate college, etc. even though i'm making pretty decent money for a college student, i feel that when i'm 30 or 40 years old, i'll look back and regret that i spent any time at all playing poker.

dani, i'm with ya man. i'm taking an indefinetly long break from poker. i'm getting back in good shape. i'm gonna do well in school and concentrate on finding a job. LET'S DO THIS [censored].

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

seems like you've got your head on straight. gl sir.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

[ QUOTE ]
"As I have become more and more enamored with poker, I have lost touch with my intellect, and my awareness."



I can concur that this is the case myself. I used to be very smart, and very quick in responses in person with very witty commentary. Not anymore, as I've not read a book in god knows how long, and the deepest thing I've read recently consists of whitelime talking about when/how you should move up.

It's disappointing that I can feel my brain turning to mush, but at least i'm not speeding it up with pot.

[/ QUOTE ]

same for me, except i am speeding it up w/pot as much as possible.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Ansky,

Not sure if you know this, but I'm pretty sure you can't make 3 figures per hour going to the gym or trying out for the soccer team. Just throwing that out there.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Ansky,

Not sure if you know this, but I'm pretty sure you can't make 3 figures per hour going to the gym or trying out for the soccer team. Just throwing that out there.

[/ QUOTE ]

The problem is that the sum of your undergrad experiences is worth $5 million or so on average. It's hard to tell which part exactly, the grades that make you qualified for your first job, or knowing the guy on the soccer team who becomes a vice president at Goldman Sachs in 10 years.

But there's a definite long-term monetary value in it, some of that value is more reliable than poker, and it's foolish to risk everything if poker makes you so single-minded.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Ansky,

Not sure if you know this, but I'm pretty sure you can't make 3 figures per hour going to the gym or trying out for the soccer team. Just throwing that out there.

[/ QUOTE ]


Nobody needs 3 figures working full time.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Ansky...good luck ....nice choice
btw forget soccer...start kicking field goals...(more $$ and you prob already have the basics and no need to get in shape)

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

good luck. real world > poker.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

[ QUOTE ]
oh and I haven’t gotten laid in 2 months, so that would be nice as well.

[/ QUOTE ]

You're like Wilt Chamberlain compared to almost everyone on this forum.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

wtf? i feel like this post was written by me 10 months ago. Same academic decline, intellectual decline, generally stilted atmosphere. I cashed out and didn't play at all for months.

Flash forward to now, and I feel much better. I played much better when I got back, I graduated, I started seriously reading again, I go to the gym regularly, I re-connected with lost friends, I traveled, lost twenty pounds, I've got plans to get an interesting job and establish poker in a better balance in my life...

I feel better about myself now than I have in a long, long time. I feel f--king great, to be honest.

Point is, the transformation can be done. All you have to do...is do it. I wish you the best of luck in your mission to re-prioritize your life.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

uh, wrong forum?

you bbv guys have turned into girls - look at all the responses wtf?

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

damn you pussy, [censored] alot of bitches, [censored] school and [censored] kill poker! [censored] ur life, u [censored] nit!

better la?

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

great post ansky. best of luck with everything.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Ansky, is there any way that you could have your cake and eat it too? Unless you're totally addicted to Poker, you should be able to resume your studies and get back in shape for soccer and still be able to play poker recreationally, for a few hours on the weekends.

The key is having some balance in your life and not have Poker dominate.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

[ QUOTE ]
Ansky, is there any way that you could have your cake and eat it too? Unless you're totally addicted to Poker, you should be able to resume your studies and get back in shape for soccer and still be able to play poker recreationally, for a few hours on the weekends.

The key is having some balance in your life and not have Poker dominate.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is very true. But I find at the higher limits the rust that forms when you can only dedicate 5 hrs a week to poker/poker theory will really hurt your game. Thats from personal experience. I believe I will be quitting 2+2 and poker for the whole month of april, maybe part of november due to time contraints.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Ansky, is there any way that you could have your cake and eat it too? Unless you're totally addicted to Poker, you should be able to resume your studies and get back in shape for soccer and still be able to play poker recreationally, for a few hours on the weekends.

The key is having some balance in your life and not have Poker dominate.

[/ QUOTE ]

this is very true. But I find at the higher limits the rust that forms when you can only dedicate 5 hrs a week to poker/poker theory will really hurt your game. Thats from personal experience. I believe I will be quitting 2+2 and poker for the whole month of april, maybe part of november due to time contraints.

[/ QUOTE ]

Not to rub it in or anything, but I was able to play 10-15 hours a week my last term at McGill and have a very satisfying social and academic life. There's no reason this can't happen eventually. But for right now it sounds like Ansky is addicted to poker or at least it is affecting his life so negatively at this point it would be good to take a short break.

Re: Detachment (xpost)
 

Ansky,

Good move. Alot of players can't admit that poker has taken a big chunk of thier life.

See you in a month