China Trip Report-OT
 

China Trip Report, OT
First of all for the Mods, im not sure this is the appropriate place to put this since it doesn't have that much to do with poker, but i've had a few

requests from some regulars in this forum and its really the only place i post so if you feel the need to move it no worries. The trip report has more to do

with learning about other cultures places and the amusing side of culture shock but i'll talk some poker as well.

So a couple days after Christmas i got on a plane for Shanghai China, a 14 1/2 hour direct flight from Chicago. I stayed up the whole previous night playing

3/5 NL at the local casino and made like $600 in traveling money. Speaking of money one of the first things to know about China is the exchange rate is about

8 to 1. Because the average annual income is so slow the moment you arrive in China you literally become roughly 8-9 times richer. The 600 dollars i won that

night was your average Chinese mans quarterly earnings. This kind of massive wealth change makes for some interesting moments when you realize a massive

dinner for 4 with service you couldn't get at the best American restaurant at town cost you a whole $15 dollars, with no tip ever expected. Leave a tip in a

Chinese restauarant and they'll chase you down with it.

My girlfriend and I moved into an apartment owned by her uncle a half hour out of the city. We're out in the suburbs nearing the farming areas, and its a

pretty nice apartment. There was one major problem when i got here though; an earthquake in Taiwan has cut the fiber optic cables that provide internet to

China and i won't be able to connect to many American sites for days, possibly weeks. I can get on some sites but getting on a poker site is impossible. I

can sort of log on to Bodog but it often jams and lags and is basically unplayable. Going several days without being able to play or read 2+2 is basically my

idea of pure torture, i hate down time, im a full on obcessive workaholic. When im finally back online i'll have months of time to do nothing but play and

post like 12 hours a day, so hopefully i'll get some major scores and really improve my game.

The best part about coming to and living in a new country though, assuming you have a sense of humor, is the culture shock moments. The ones in China are by

far the largest i've ever experienced, heres a few of the major ones:

1. The traffic: Oh my [censored] god these people drive like coked up maniacs. There are bikes and motorcycles everywhere. People change lanes on a dime. People

walk on foot through the highways and freeways and cars are constantly coming within inches of disaster. When changing lanes the average Chinese drivers

thought process goes something like
a. Lay down the horn for several seconds to alert everyone im about to pull some [censored].
b. Jerk into the lane as fast as possible.
c. Assume everything will work itself out.
Its crazy but i guess people here are pretty used to it, though i'd be way to scared to try driving here. Everytime i get in a car I just try to lose myself

in thought so i don't worry about my impending death.

2. Getting starred at, constantly: In the city its not so bad because there are foreigners everywhere, but out where i am its very possible im the first

white person they have seen in months/years. When i go outside all hell brakes loose, people gawk and point, with children yelling "gui lo!" which is Mandarin for

'ghost'. People wave "herro!" at me and go into hysterics when i wave back. Anyone who rides by on a bike or motorcycle sets there eyes on me so hard when

they drive by they look like that chick in the exorcist with their necks snapping back. At first it was kind of amusing but now its just kind of weird and

creepy. You sort of wonder what their all thinking and they aren't very subtle about the starring.

3. Changes in etiqutte: In some ways the Chinese are far more polite than we are, in others not so much. For example, they are a highly non confrontational

people, as saving face is very valued. Some take this excessively far and are unable to admit when they are wrong or don't know the answer to something. If

you ask a person where something is you run the risk of them giving you directions that are totally untrue instead of admitting they are unsure. At the

dinner table everything is shared, and they will always pour tea for everyone around them before themselves. Some questions that are offensive in the states

are just fine here, for example dealing with weight. I havn't run into this myself since im pretty thin, but apparantly if your overweight, and especially if

your foreign, someone asking you "why are you so fat?" or "how much do you weigh?" is by no means offensive or inappropriate.

4. Being an illiterate mute: Not sure this counts as culture shock but its a strange feeling anyway. My girlfriend translates but if i walk around by myself

im just screwed. I'm going to try and learn some conversational Chinese but for the time being its weird sitting at dinner with a group and understanding

zero, and only rarely being able to read a sign when its in English as well.

5. Squatters: The Chinese toilet. Its like a hole in the ground with some water. Theres nothing to sit on, you just squat. I am terrified of these things,

luckily most apartments have toilets, but in public places its the squatter. On the plus side i don't think you have to worry about getting crabs from a

squatter.

Thats the major stuff so far, maybe i'll write more if people are interested or anything weird/hilarious happens. Once the internet is repaired i'll be on

playing/posting all day for about 5 months straight leading up to the WSOP though i might come back to play some WPT events since i already have 1 seat that

needs to get used. Since i'll have so much time i'll try to get to about every post of interest and contribute some good stuff and talk online to the guys i

know. I'm not sure when this post will make it online since the internet is running REALLY bad, so good luck to everyone going to PCA and Ozzie Millions, I'll be really shocked if i don't see at least a few familiar names high up there in the events. AND HAPPY NEW YEARs ALL!

Re: China Trip Report-OT
 

Hey Tony, I always thought gui lo meant white devil - I'm sure that's comforting [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

good luck to the both of you - hope you make it back to Australia one day!

Re: China Trip Report-OT
 

I think that's right. Its supposed to be slightly insulting, although my Chinese friends all used to use it somewhat affectionately to refer to me. At least I think it was affectionate.

Re: China Trip Report-OT
 

I went to china when i was much younger and the squatters are one of the only things i remember about the trip. (oh, also the amoutn of people peeing off the great wall of china)

anyways, cool report. buy some cheap [censored] while you're out there.

Re: China Trip Report-OT
 

Great TR. Thanks for the read.

[ QUOTE ]
someone asking you "why are you so fat?" or "how much do you weigh?"

[/ QUOTE ]

I lol'd at this.

My wife would tell you it's online poker. In September '03 I was known for 'big guns' and weighed 200 lbs. and I logged onto pokerstars.com the first time. Now, I'm 250 lbs and FAT. I got a 'health index' scale for Christmas..... somebody has to get back to the gym.

Re: China Trip Report-OT
 

[ QUOTE ]
an earthquake in Taiwan has cut the fiber optic cables that provide internet to

China and i won't be able to connect to many American sites for days, possibly weeks. I can get on some sites but getting on a poker site is impossible.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well while I was 2-tabling all of sudden the connection have dropped and never worked again and the next day I saw that news. So I lost both tables. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img] I still don't know when I could play online poker again but today it's the first day 2+2 can be visited with reasonable speed.

Actually squatter could be good to your health. [img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]

Re: China Trip Report-OT
 

Oops...just remembered - 'bok gui' is white ghost...so gui lo is probably just ghost.

Re: China Trip Report-OT
 

[ QUOTE ]
Oops...just remembered - 'bok gui' is white ghost...so gui lo is probably just ghost.

[/ QUOTE ]

gui means ghost
lo means man

For ghost we will just say gui.

Re: China Trip Report-OT
 

I went to China last year. I found tons of people came up to me (all women) who wanted to practice their English.. or maybe that was just an excuse. Beijing was my favorite city by far. While I was there I got ripped off for 120 dollar tea and also a 20 dollar cab ride (which is incredibly expensive there).

I have tons of other stories too but I don't feel like typing them up again.

Re: China Trip Report-OT
 

lol at the squatter.

nice post, thanks for sharing.

Re: China Trip Report-OT
 

Here is my [censored] story about squatting, sorry if long:

So I'm in China in the city of Xian with my tour group. We find out we have an early flight to south-eastern China the next morning, so the initial idea of going to a Chinese night club seems out of the question. Nobody raises their hand at dinner to attend and the group seems to decide to pass on the festivities.

However, after watching the first-round England-whoevertheyplayed game in our hotel lobby, we start pounding a few beers and enjoying ourselves. Our guide asks if we want to "just check out" the night club. Most people duck out to their rooms, but two of the girls leave to go to the club early (without any beers in their system) with our tour group leader. After the game, one English guy and I decide to meet up with them, already tipsy and excited after the English victory.

Long story short, we consume a [censored]-load of beer at some uniquely Chinese nightclubs at the suggestion of our tour-guide. Turns out these bars had "deals", where consuming a [censored]-load of beer was much more economical than only downing one or two drinks. So we partake and enjoy ourselves, becoming aggressively drunk and disoriented while dancing on a strobe-light, sardine-esque jam-packed dance floor.

Eventually we head to the hotel and I collapse on the bed and fall asleep.

Prior to partaking on our adventure, my English friend had recommended not "drinking and flying".

His words would prove to be prophetic.

So we take off on our domestic flight, and here I am sandwiched, as a big guy, being two moderately-sized individuals in a plane. Having recieved a cheap and awesome massage the day previous, my neck is annoyingly sore and it hurts to rest my head fully back against the head rest.

There is no comfortable position. The beer starts boiling in my stomach. I can't sleep. I start having the feeling that I have to go to the bathroom to either puke or [censored] about 20 minutes prior to landing, but I decide to hold it in.

Bad decision.

The buckle your seatbelt sign lights up and I'm stuck there in misery, faltering under the Chinese alcohol and claustrophobic conditions. I feel the need to crap swelling up. I hold it in.

We finally land and I swoop up my stuff and head out the door, clamoring for the nearest bathroom. I find one and relax.

I made it.

But that wasn't the end of it. Much to my dismay, the first bathroom off the plane was of Chinese style - summated, a hole in the ground, and a hole that required you to bring your own toilet paper. To that point I made the pledge to avoid these chasms of bodily fluids and stick to touristy and Western toilets. Unfortunately, I was stuck. I had to take a [censored] in a hole. To make matters worse, I toiled through my backpack, expecting to find toilet paper that I thought I had brought with me for a situation such as this.

No go.

I whimper, half deciding to just take one and wipe at the next tourist-toilet I could find. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have my technique down pat. I squat down and release the package for delivery.

But I miss the mark.

Turns out I didn't squat enough, and suddenly visions of Chinese through the countryside come back to me, Chinese squatting past 90 degrees, gambling, relaxing and smoking along cities and countrysides alike. That was why they had that much range. I, unfortunately, did not. My load exploded on the back of my shorts, and I was officially [censored]. I had just [censored] my shorts. Or on my shorts. Or [censored] my pants.

However you define it.

Scrambling, I tried to clean it up with anything I could muster. I managed to do a decent job, but given a decent lookover by any interested parties and they could surely deduce what in fact the mark was. I gathered my wits and then partook in the SECOND worst part of this situation: no toilet paper. I gathered everything I had in my backpack that could function as tissue, socks, trip itineraries, etc, and put it to work. That was the most expensive wipe I had ever had. I threw all of my possessions down the hole and took off, pulling my shirt as far as it could go over my khaki shorts in an effort to cover up and still reach my waiting tour group as fast as I could.

And there they were at the baggage claim, waiting me with unpleasant looks on their faces. At this point I already had a reputation for making the group wait, having already gotten lost once at Tiananmen Square in Beijing. They asked if I was OK and I nodded, not saying what I had done or been. But they must have known. Using careful positioning and bob and weave maneuvers through the crowd, I (hopefully) managed to cover up my accident and pick up my luggage to help accomplish my next goal - changing shorts.

Luckily for me, I had a pair of shorts that were a similar color, and given a lack of unobservant passengers, nobody would notice the changeup I had made. I tapped two of my Australian friends at the back of the group on the shoulder and told them I had to go to the bathroom quickly, this time at another toilet near the baggage claim. They gave a nod with a curious and amused smirk on their faces - I didn't care and shot towards the bathroom to change.

And as luck would have it, this bathroom had the two things the other had not - American toilets and toilet paper. It figured. I changed and took off back towards the group, again waiting with bemused looks, most notable of which being the normally laid back tour group leader.

But I was home free. I had shoved my shorts deep into my bag and wiped cleanly. We took off onto the bus and I was done with it -- luckily the incident never came up again and nobody seemed to be able to conclude, or care -- about what had happened, as they all remained friends and as personable as before.

It was a [censored] day, sure enough, and it instilled in me the valuable lesson that I will now never forget -- don't drink and fly.

Re: China Trip Report-OT
 

Also don't drink and then get on a boat, or you'll be filling the sea with vomit. God i wish the internet would start working better here, im [censored] dying here unable to play.