My life is over.
 

It suddenly hit me. My life is over!
I'm a coward too. I have been posting in these forums for years and I have to create a new account to tell my story.

I'm 52 years old and I have played poker for the past 10 years. I'm not the best player in the world, not the worst either and a small bankroll has allowed me to make a nice income year after year.
I was married once. That was before I played poker and had a boring life. Then we each went our way and life sucked for a while.
After that poker begun and after a few months I had a nice life again. Lots of free time, no commitments (no children) and money enough.

Then a year ago I met this woman, fell in love and she moved in. It was nice to begin with and I didn't play that much poker. We travelled a lot, enjoyed life, had no worries. Needless to say all expenses were on me. That hit the BR badly. After that, she quit her lousy job and just hang around at home. It was nice for a month or two, but it was difficult to concentrate while playing. She kept disturbing, talking to me, playing loud music, turning the television on and as we live in a small condo it was impossible to have some peace of mind. Of course I begun losing. I had my first losing month ever and had to step down in limits. Next month same story.

Now I get worried. My BR is not what it has been, I have to play much more as I stepped down in limits again and I start worrying about money. For the first time in years I begin not paying my bills in time, I have to sell my car as I cannot afford it anymore and my stress level is way up there.
You would think I would have had a long conversation with this woman; explained to her how important it is that I have tranquility while I play, also because it is our only income, and you would have been right. I had not one, but 20 talks with her and she keeps interrupting my play. Now she just says "oops, sorry, I forgot" clearly showing she doesn't take me seriously.

I'm also a wimp. I know she is destroying me, every little thing she does while I play now bothers me; not because it should, but because I keep thinking she doesn't respect my work and that alone keeps my mind busy, far away from the important decisions at the tables. And I keep losing. I know I should ask her to leave but I can't. Despite all this I love her.

This last month has been the worst ever. I have practically no BR anymore, have several unpaid bills and no joy at playing anymore. I have lost patience at the tables, keep hoping for that big pot that will make my day in 5 minutes and because of this, often imagine it is there, just to realize that once again, my buy in is gone. It doesn't even matter anymore, I now play so low limits that I don't even take poker seriously anymore.

Life stinks and on top of that I start realizing that I am not that young anymore, that I won't be able to do anything else for a living, that there are a million things I want to do, a million places I want to go to and I have no energy left for all that. Soon I will be too old to do anything but I allready feel that way. I am very, very depressed.

I know that most of you are having a great time playing poker, like I used to have, that life is sweet and that these kind of posts are not what you are looking for but I had this need to tell somebody, to get it out. Where I live, I have nobody to talk about these things, they will just say that it is my own fault for waisting my life playing poker and bla bla bla....

I know I can rebuild a BR. I have done it hundreds of times in my life. I just don't feel like it anymore.

Thank you for listening [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Re: My life is over.
 

Hey, man, that sounds pretty brutal. I honestly don't think I can help, but I read your story and I have sympathy for you. Best of luck in the future.

Re: My life is over.
 

Saw this in the other forum, then it disappeared. Better over here I'm sure.

Anyway...man...sorry to hear all this.

I've not really been exactly here; however, I've been in the transition of playing full time to another stage in life and financial stress to go along with it.

I'm not very good at pep talks, but all I can say is that probably in a couple years, it will just be another experience that you got through.

Solve one small problem at a time one day at a time. Get yourself some job (doens't have to be just right) just ease the financial stress so you can think more clearly. Then, take it from there.

Thoughts that you can't do anything else for a living are just the sorrow talking. The job application process doesn't make this any more fun either.

Keep your chin up and take it a day at a time. Focus on the good things you have going. There are certainly millions of people that would switch life circumstances with you at the drop of a hat.

Hang in there.

Re: My life is over.
 

damn... this made me fire up [censored] and download time by pink floyd. forgot about this song. we've all been there before dep, to a varying degree (ie this sounds a bit worse). I can relate and I know you'll find a way through it. (Not like you have a choice eh [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] ... )

Sounds like the girl and poker aren't compatible. Either find something new or the gal has gotz ta go. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

Re: My life is over.
 

Poker has been your only source of income for the last ten years and 3 losing months have crippled you? What limits were you playing and what are you playing now? What type of game do you play? Do you multitable? What casino did you play at before the internet boom?

This thread would receive more views in BBV and is better suited for there.

Re: My life is over.
 

ditch the bitch, regroup.

Re: My life is over.
 

It sounds to me like she thinks she's found a sugar daddy and expects you to support her. If she really loved you, she would take a job (and sounds like you may need to as well) to help the two of you through this rough stretch. If not, you need to show her the door.

Re: My life is over.
 

[ QUOTE ]
ditch the bitch, regroup.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: My life is over.
 

Get this:

http://www.soundprooffoam.com/quiet-barrier.html

And put this on the door to your study, where you play:

http://consumer.schlage.com/products...p?CategoryID=2


Sound-proof the room, and lock the door.

Problem solved.


AB

Re: My life is over.
 

Your life is only over at 52 if you decide to give up.

So, what's it going to be? Lay down and wait to die - or solve these issues step by step and get back on track to living your dreams?

It's not unusual to make bad decisions when it comes to love and companionship. Don't beat yourself up. But, it is time to grow up.

You showed her the good life and she latched on. More than likely she's a pest because she's bored, and you resent her because of the pressure you're under now to support both of you.

If you're not interested in playing poker, you need to sit down with her and explain you both need to get jobs. You may find out that it's not you that she loves, but you're better off knowing, even if it means the end of the relationship.

It would be a shame to give up on life at 52. Every positive step you take will be another step out of depression. Start today. You have a lot of life to look forward to.

Re: My life is over.
 

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
ditch the bitch, regroup.

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: My life is over.
 

Try to have an open mind to what I write here. We all attract people into our lives to give us something that we need. You needed love and understanding, and you got that, at the same time you receive and opportunity to look at what is happening take responsibility, make some changes and get exactly what you want, not necessarily in terms of a partner but in terms of your life.

This has little to do with the girl and little to do with poker and everything to do with you and how you are perceiving the situation and the world. You have certain beliefs that I would suggest are not serving you well. Where you speak in terms of absolutes we can find some of these. These are pointing to some thing that you could examine and find your answers.

Some of them are...
"My life is over"
"I am a wimp"
"I am a coward"
"I keep thinking she doesn't respect my work"
"Life stinks and on top of that I start realizing that I am not that young anymore, that I won't be able to do anything else for a living"
"Where I live, I have nobody to talk about these things"

I would suggest that an examination and re-tooling of these things that are true for you. This would at the very least get you on track and at best transform your life.

-Blazman

Re: My life is over.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Hey, man, that sounds pretty brutal. I honestly don't think I can help, but I read your story and I have sympathy for you. Best of luck in the future.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: My life is over.
 

I can barely remember now, but back in my school days I took a Psych class that showed a pyramid of needs.

At the bottom of the pyramid were basic needs. Food;Shelter;Safety;Clothing; Breathing
At the top was Self Acutalization and other extremely difficult things to achieve.. Damn I can't remember exactly ...now i have to look it up.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

In the middle of the pyramid is Love / Sexual Intamacy.

In order to achieve the next level of the pyramid you need to be able to satisfy the LOWER LEVEL FIRST. People who end up bankrupt ignore the base and try for the middle and end up all messed up. (THAT'S YOU)

YOU think you need love more/or as much as you need food and shelter.

Get a brain. Ask her to help out. If she ignores you. Dump her and get back to satifying your basic needs. Food and Shelter come before love and sex.

Re: My life is over.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Try to have an open mind to what I write here. We all attract people into our lives to give us something that we need. You needed love and understanding, and you got that, at the same time you receive and opportunity to look at what is happening take responsibility, make some changes and get exactly what you want, not necessarily in terms of a partner but in terms of your life.

This has little to do with the girl and little to do with poker and everything to do with you and how you are perceiving the situation and the world. You have certain beliefs that I would suggest are not serving you well. Where you speak in terms of absolutes we can find some of these. These are pointing to some thing that you could examine and find your answers.

Some of them are...
"My life is over"
"I am a wimp"
"I am a coward"
"I keep thinking she doesn't respect my work"
"Life stinks and on top of that I start realizing that I am not that young anymore, that I won't be able to do anything else for a living"
"Where I live, I have nobody to talk about these things"

I would suggest that an examination and re-tooling of these things that are true for you. This would at the very least get you on track and at best transform your life.

-Blazman

[/ QUOTE ]

Erik makes some good points as far as the meta-game goes, but on the everyday practical level, the answer is very simple:

Tell the GF she has to get a full time job. It's that simple. You'll get her out of the house and you'll have some monetary cushion so that you don't have to dip into the BR each month to pay the bills. Then you can work on the things Erik is talking about.

If she says she won't get a job, realize that she isn't willing to carry her weight in the relationship and kick her to the curb.

GL

Re: My life is over.
 

man wot u thought??? pussy is $$$$

Re: My life is over.
 

i just recently got out of a relationship with a succubus. it is like a weight is lifted off your shoulders and you have the freedom to do anything and everything you want, not having to support anyone but yourself. no more stress and bs from a person that is supposed to make you happy, but actually does the exact opposite.

you should be HAPPY that you are not married to this broad, and can still get away from her. nothing wrong with being a single 52 year old balla!

if she REALLY loved you she would get herself a damn JOB. she would also respect your space.

you are her sugar daddy plain and simple. 52 year old with a young little hottie. get over it.

hell, you would be better off paying for it up front with a whore. cheaper, no drama, and they leave afterwards.

heck, i live in SD so if you wanna make a TJ trip for some booty i can be your tour guide. as long as you ditch the bitch first, that's my only requirement. in return just coach me a little or something [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Re: My life is over.
 

In the card game of life, women are the mother [censored] rake,

Re: My life is over.
 

1. Read the thread from Degen about thailand in Other other topics.

2. Dump your gf

3. sell everything

4. move to Thailand. you need 1500$ or 50$ a day.

5. Feel free to send me a PM

Best regards
slimbob

Re: My life is over.
 

stabby stabby bitchy bitchy.

Re: My life is over.
 

First of all, your life is not over. You are having a midlife crisis just like every other man and many women your age. It sounds like you may be suffering from depression. You may want to get a check-up to rule out any physical or mental health issue that could easily be addressed by the proper medication.

OK, I am a woman, and I can tell you that some of the advice on this thread is bad. No decent self-respecting woman is going to get a full-time job to support a man playing cards all day. That's just ridiculous. I don't think you can expect that. To compound your problem, this lady may not be a decent woman. She sounds like a user. And she sounds bored, without inner resources, which is why she is unable to entertain herself without constantly pestering you.

In other words, I think you should throw her out. You can tell her, if she wants to stay in the condo, she has to get a job and pay half the bills, but I think she'll just pretend to look for a job and not really get one. So you'll still have her hanging around mooching until such time as she latches onto some other walking wallet. I don't see the advantage to you in stringing out the misery. So I say give her a week or a few days to move in with friends and make other arrangements, and after that, her stuff goes on the curb, and if necessary you get a restraining order to get her out of your condo and your life. I'm serious. If you can't earn a living with her in your life, you need to get her out of your life. I don't care how much you love her. Some people love crack too. If she's destroying you, she's got to go, simple as that.

You say you feel you have wasted your life playing poker, I say get over it. Most middle-aged people feel their jobs are a waste of time. It's just the "oh my God I'm 50" mid-life crisis speaking. If the job has put food on the table, a roof over your head, and kept you from being a burden to society, it is not a waste of time, whether it's playing poker or selling lettuce. You probably know a lot of people who are bitter because they think your job of playing poker is more glamorous than their job selling tires. That's their problem. Don't let it be your problem. You didn't win for a decade from good luck. You obviously have the skill. You just have to get back on track and stop paying attention to the opinions of the users and the losers.

Re: My life is over.
 

Not only another female 2p2 poster, but one I agree with wholeheartedly. 2p2 women FTW!

Re: My life is over.
 

[ QUOTE ]
No decent self-respecting woman is going to get a full-time job to support a man playing cards all day. That's just ridiculous.

[/ QUOTE ]

i hope you weren't referring to my post, b/c that is not what i said. the rest of your post is spot on.

Re: My life is over.
 

Hello all,

Thank you for your kind words. I originally posted this in the OOT forum because I felt I needed a lot of responses chearing me up, but one of the moderators used his powers to burry me in here. The post probably belongs here, he's right about that, but even after I explained the situation to him, he refused to move it back. Next time I feel like jumping out of the window and need a quick response from my forum friends, I will remember to post some nude pictures of my GF. I'm sure they won't move my post that way.

Nevermind that anymore, I am very glad for the responses I have got all the same even if I had to be patient for a few days.

It is true that I am depressed. I have been to the doctor and got some medicine that should fix that. It will take a couple of weeks before it starts working and I am not going to play poker for some time, I know that depression, drugs and gambling are a bad combination.

The ones that mention the middle age crisis are probably right as well. All those thoughts about being too old suddenly hit me out of the blue but I allready feel much better about that.

The financial situation is bad, but not hopeless. It will be hard not to play poker for some time, but as I have been losing these past months I think it is the right thing to do. I will take a few days off, maybe get out of the condo, go to the movies or whatever and when my thoughts are rational again, I will find a short term solution. I don't want to quit playing poker unless it becomes clear that I cannot win anymore of course, but as it was pointed out several times, you don't make a living playing for 10 years if you don't have some skills. The important now is to control the finacial aspect of this story, rebuild a proper working environment and solve the biggest problem of all, my GF.

First, I want to point out that I never said she was a "young hottie". She is 44, so a little younger than myself and very attractive for her age, but no more.
That doesn't mean that she can't stay with me only because I pay for everything but I honestly don't think that's the case. She doesn't ask for anything but I do think that she is lazy and rather not do anything even if it means not having any money than taking a job.

I don't know yet what I am going to do with her. It hurts like hell thinking that she might not be here tomorrow but deep deep inside I know that if she keeps behaving the way she does, she's gotta go.

I will wait a few days to talk to her about all this again. Right now, even if I feel much better I am not sure I can do or say what it takes.

I hope you can feel the difference from the other day in the way I write. I do feel much better. I know that there's a long way to go yet, but I'm mentally preparing myself for that.

Again, thank you for listening and for you help.

Re: My life is over.
 

thanks for clearing up the age thing, good luck man, keep us posted.

Re: My life is over.
 

[ QUOTE ]
keep us posted.

[/ QUOTE ]

Re: My life is over.
 

Slimbob, I forgot about you in my earlier post.
I just wanted to thank you for the Thailand suggestion. I will keep it in mind if I become single again but I honestly hope it won't happen.

I'll keep you posted.

Re: My life is over.
 

52 you're no spring chicken and your options are limited

what did you do prior to playing poker ?

Re: My life is over.
 

[ QUOTE ]
She sounds like a user. And she sounds bored, without inner resources, which is why she is unable to entertain herself without constantly pestering you.

[/ QUOTE ]

This doesn't=all women? j/k [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Seriously though she gave you some solid feedback, hang in there bud.

Re: My life is over.
 

<font color="pink"> typing with pink is soooo gay </font>
<font color="blue"> but blueeee is cool </font>

Re: My life is over.
 

Are you sure the woman's really the main problem here? I mean if she distracts you, just get an iPod or something so you don't have to hear her.

I don't know if you want to share this, but I think it might be helpful to know your BR before this started, where it's at now, and how much you were making on average before, so we know just how big of a downswing this is. I think the poker problem is probably mainly a poker problem that's being amplified by other problems in your life.

I do think taking a few days off from poker is probably a good idea though. Sometimes, it just takes looking at the game with a fresh mindset. Really though, unless the woman's spending a substantial portion of your monthly income, I think she's not the main problem. Focusing and adjusting your game is probably the real answer here.

Re: My life is over.
 

hi Depguy,

Poker is the only way for you to make money right? Think you can do it in 20/30 years from now? Doesn't look like you've got anything left in the bank for your 'pension'. you probably have enough to think about for the short term, but dont neglect the long term

Re: My life is over.
 

Depguy -

First off, all of us here wish you the best. Feel free to PM me if you ever need to.

Now, everything that you said in your original post, you need to say to your girlfriend. If you can't tell her what is going on in your life and what's important and necessary for you, then she's probably not a very good companion for you.

I'm not saying that you need to share every last detail about everything with each other, but at the minimum she needs to understand the pressing need for change in your situation for these two reasons:

A) Your own personal happiness
B) Your financial security as a couple


I know you said that you had tried to explain to her before, but my feeling is that you were very vague or unconvincing in the explanation of the signifigance of the conversation. The conversation needs to entail more than "I need privacy when i am playing poker." She needs to understand why. If you were to print your post out and hand it to her to read, it would hit her fairly hard. You need to be able to convey that same actuality to her when you are talking to her.


There are plenty of self-help books available that deal with effectively communication and communication techniques. Hit up the library and check a few out. Nobody can ever be too strong of a communicator, so brushing up on your skills is always a good idea.

- Tarheel

Re: My life is over.
 

update?

Re: My life is over.
 

Sounds to me like you already know the solution.

You either have to lose the girl or find another, more steady source of income.

Now choose.

Re: My life is over.
 

Why don't you set up a personal office where you can sit down and play poker undisturbed.

Have a door you can close and shut out everything else going on in your house.

I don't get this either. You don';t have enough money saved up after playing years of poker to live for 3 months? Haven't you ever taken breaks from poker before?

Re: My life is over.
 

[ QUOTE ]
Poker has been your only source of income for the last ten years and 3 losing months have crippled you? What limits were you playing and what are you playing now?

[/ QUOTE ]

I was thinking the same thing. How is that you can find yourself in such a predicament so quickly. Ten years of beating the game (a) tells me you are a solid player (b) you must have built some kind of bankroll (c) you have bankroll management skills


So how does three months of losing but you on the verge of bankruptcy? And even with a bothersome woman around, how does that explain playing so badly? I mean I can still play and have my girlfriend around. Of course, I'd only be playing 1 or 2 tables but it can be done....

Something ain't right here..

Re: My life is over.
 

I thought this was a great reed.
I wouldn't mind reading a book that was like ur post.

Best of luck though with ur problems!

Re: My life is over.
 

GET couples counseling. Seriously. You state that you stil love this woman. Good. But your relationship is seriously off-kilter, and you don't know why. There seems to be a lot of assumption on the board that your partner is a gold-digger. However, there are many other explanations -- for example, that she resents that you are paying more attention to your computer than to her. The 20 conversations the 2 of you have had haven't worked -- it's time to try a different approach,

Re: My life is over.
 

If I were you, I'd seriously consider moving up in stakes